Well folks, it’s November which means we’re officially less than a month away from the arrival of Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life (22 days to be exact thanks to this countdown I made). In celebration of the event a lot of us have been waiting for for nearly a decade, we’re bringing back some of our favorite GG-related posts we’ve written up in the past.
Today we’re bringing back a guide for newcomers who want to sneak in a quick binge-watch before November 25th. And if you finish the entire series before Black Friday I will be super impressed (and jealous of your free time).
While y’all were busy partying it up for Halloween over the weekend, I was dressed as a fangirl at the first ever Entertainment Weekly PopFest. TBH, I didn’t have to dress up at all, which is great, because I do not like dressing up for Halloween. My friend and I went to the first of two days at the event, which was filled with panels, screenings, book signings, live podcasts, concerts and more. I figured I’d share a little insider info for everyone who wasn’t in the Room Where It Happened™ and share my day with you in a recap. Keep reading if you’re a Gilmore Girls, Happy Endings, and/or Nick Jonas fan. Or if you just like reading.
To preface, we bought tickets specifically for the Gilmore Girls and Happy Endings programming at the PopFest. We had three panels/events that were at the top of our list, the Gilmore Guys podcast countdown show, Gilmore Girls conversation with Amy Sherman-Palladino & Dan Palladino, and the Happy Endings lost episode table read. Other bonuses included the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend performance, and sets by Lizzo, Janelle Monae and Nick Jonas. Panels/events we didn’t go to but existed: Supernatural, CW Superheroes, Oscar Contenders, Hailee Steinfeld, FOX Comdy previews, and more.
OK, got our bases covered. Let’s go!
Celebrities, They’re Just Like Us
While waiting in line to get in, we were near the talent entrance, and Jared Padalecki was kind enough to say a quick hi and wave to the fans. In case you forgot, Supernatural is still on and in its 12th season and its fans are still hardcore as ever. About 10 minutes later, the girl behind us asked if a man looking lost across the street was Kirk. And sure enough, it was Sean Gunn, standing by himself in front of the Los Angeles courthouse, on his phone befuddled and clueless as where to go. Sidenote: he wasn’t on the schedule. We guessed he was a special guest for the Gilmore Guys, more on that later. I snapped a bunch of pix of him because I’m a creep:
But a very nice GG fan, wearing a black shirt emulating the end credits which read “Executive Producer Amy Sherman-Palladino”, nonchalantly went up to Sean and pointed out where the talent entrance was. It was a very nice interaction and she didn’t even ask for a picture or amything. Shout out to respectful GG fans!!
What Do You Think, Gillies?
I’ve written about my favorite podcast the Gilmore Guys before, and admittedly I’ve seen them so many times live it’s bordering stalker level. But I swear I’m not. I just have happened to see them seven times live in LA, it’s fine. Anyways, instead of a regular episode where they spend the whole show talking about one episode, Saturday’s live show was a countdown of top five WB promos, top five characters who need a spin-off, and top five characters (one ep characters like Buzu Barnes the Zydeco player) and their ridiculous backstories. It was great. Gilmore Guys recurring guest Ross Kimball was on hand to join Kevin and Demi, and when they were intro-ing a montage of all of Kirk’s odd jobs, Sean Gunn himself “surprised” everyone by coming out and dancing to Rihanna’s Work. It was glorious.
He chatted mostly about the past seasons and little about the revival, mainly talking about said odd jobs, including a stint as Tevye in the Stars Hollow Elementary School production of Fiddler on the Roof. In case you forgot, he sings a ballad called Do You Love Me with a young girl, and although it was weird it was also weirdly tender? But Sean admitted he was nervous about singing in that scene, so naturally, he went to theater vet and Tony winner Ed Hermann for advice.
“One of the things I remember most about that episode was I was really nervous about how to sing the song, because I didn’t know if I should try to sing it as well as I could, or how Kirk would sing it … I was in my head about it… I remember pulling Ed aside and asking him, ‘You’re a veteran, how do you think I should play this?’ and him giving me the exactly right advice. I think he literally said, ‘Just get out of your head, man. Just go for it.’”
Also during the Tevye clip, Sean took a selfie with himself on the big screen, as seen here:
One of the cons of the festival was that the Gilmore Girls panel was right before the Happy Endings reunion and in the same room. After some wrong answers from volunteers and one very right answer from a very helpful volunteer, we found out we basically had to divide in conquer, which meant my very kind, GG loving & Happy Endings obsessed friend took one for the team and waited in line while I was hanging with ASP and Dan. Luckily, Amy did not disappoint both with the conversation and outfit wise – her iconic hat game was on point and she was wear a sequined shiny black top that Lorelai would’ve worn in a pink in seasons one and two.
Anyways, the moderator, EW’s Sam Highfill was fantastic, and asked great questions that hadn’t necessarily ever been asked before, and when she inquired about how they felt going back into the series after all these years, Amy said, “This shit’s in our DNA now… It’s like, I’ll be on my death bed and going on a (GG) rant… *says as an aside to Dan* I’m going first, by the way.”
THAT MADE ME ALMOST CRY BECAUSE, DO YOU REMEMBER:
Speaking of the late great Edward Herrmann, Amy revealed that they didn’t have a floor plan in order to rebuild the Gilmore house, so the production designers rebuilt it by watching old episodes. She said the old house felt (ironically) like dollhouse, and the new Netflix-budgeted one is much larger. She said, “It was finally big enough for Ed, and he wasn’t there… Ed looms large. He loomed large in life, and he looms large over these episodes.”
*Cue second set of tears*
Since we’re getting close to the revival (see: countdown clock), that means A) both ASP and Dan were more open to talking about it, and B) Promo clips are starting to surface – read: they brought along four new clips from the revival – a whole SEVEN minutes from in A Year in the Life. !!!
Because I am a purist and rule follower and HATE spoilers or anything resembling them, I’m gonna tell you right now, you will not find iPhone-shot videos of the new revival clips on this blog. The panel/clips were exclusive for a reason, and I’m sure they’ll be rolling them out over the course of the next few weeks. RESPECT THE WORK. However, I am willing to tease it for you.
Characters involved throughout the four clips: Lorelai, Rory, Luke, Babette, Michel, Taylor, Kirk, Gypsy, Andrew, Emily.
Location: Connecticut
Number of iPhones used to look up an actor’s credit on IMDb: one
City Rory is moving back to Stars Hollow from: Brooklyn
Level of diversity in revival: At least 10 more than the OG series thanks to an “international” even in the Hollow.
And since we received a few questions via Twitter, I figured I’d answer them here, because we need those clicks, baybeeee!
Q: ah did you record it?
A: No. Again, we are not in the business of being sued by Netflix or the wrath of ASP.
Q: do you know when we get to see it? Are they gonna release the footage they showed today?
A: You will definitely get to see it when they release Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life on Friday, November 25th 12AM PST.
Q: (I tweeted that the phrase “Singapore is just being a dick” was said in one of the clips) WHO SAID THIS OH MG GODDDDD
A: Ok, I’ll give you this one. It was Kirk. It’s Netflix now you guys. They can say things like “dick” and it’s totes kosher.
Q: Were the clips all from one season/episode?
A: Nope – Winter, Spring and Summer. THAT’S ALL I’M GIVING YOU.
Other notes:
ASP on guest stars: “When they (The WB executives) wanted stunt casting, they wanted Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and we’re like, ‘We’re going after Madeleine Albright!’ And Norman Mailer – he’s 200,000 years old.”
The dance marathon portion of the iconic They Shoot Gilmores, Don’t They? episode was shot in Birmingham High School in Van Nuys, giving all of us a good reason to visit Van Nuys.
If you thought the revival wasn’t going to feature a Gilmore girl wearing a bucket hat, you’d be wrong.
ASP on watching us watch the clips while they’re sitting on stage: “Can I just say, there is nothing more comfortable than sitting up here while other people watch your work. Something at Gitmo, maybe, might be a little more delightful?”
ASP on living up to expectations: “Hopefully everybody will be delighted and thrilled and charmed. If not – I don’t fucking know what to tell you. I tried.”
Overall, judging by the four clips, it has the same Gilmore tone that we know and love. I think it’ll take everyone getting used to the fact that the pop culture references are modern and not from 16 years ago, and the fact that it was shot digitally and not on film, making the actual quality look so much more different than you’re used to. If you keep those in mind and just enjoy the revival for what it is, I think we’re all going to be so relieved they did it right.
The Happiest of Endings
LOOK AT DAMON’S FACE STARING IN MY SOUL
Right after Gilmore Girls, I snuck into the line for Happy Endings where my friend had been waiting, and we got in thanks again to the v helpful volunteer #Kayla. To this day, I still think Happy Endings is one of the shows that was most unjustly cancelled, and inexplicably picked up by other networks (HULU WHERE U AT THO). The writers from the series got together to write this very special episode, 401 titled Happy to Be Here. It took place 939 days after the season 3/series finale, and we find out that all six BFFs have parted ways – INCLUDING BRAD AND JANE – because of The Fight that happened the night of the Kerkovich sister’s wedding where we last saw the gang.
After finding out that their acquaintance Scotty has died, Penny (still single, but has been married several times on a Kid Rock cruise) and Max (who lives in D.C. now at an unknown job) decided to use Scotty’s death as a way to get everyone back together.
Penny: “Our group of friends has drifted apart. Like Robert Wagner and Natalie Wood” *this joke made the crowd go OOoooohhhhh in a What, Too Soon? sort of way
They first recruit Alex, who has a “Fortune 500 global lifestyle brand” in London. Because Xela. She agrees to get Jane, who has been living in Japan as an executive for Toyota in their sex doll division – it leads to awk scenes with her sis Alex. Because Jane and Brad split after The Fight at the wedding, Alex knew Jane wouldn’t go back to Chicago for Scotty’s funeral, especially if Brad was going to be there. So she lied and said Brad was the one who died. Apparently Jane still had feelings for him because she arrives back home in mourning.
Meanwhile, Max and Penny easily get Dave, who’s still in the food truck business and has been “retracing Jon Favreau’s road trip from Chef,” and also sporting a “a tiny Lin-Manuel Miranda beard” and a man-bun. Unrelatedly, he’s been working on his hip-hop musical called Hamilton… about the life of ice skater Scott Hamilton. Duh.
Then they heads off to the woods of Wisconsin where Brad retreated after he separated from Jane. He’s also got some facial hair which Max described him as looking like “the photo negative of a rabbi”. Brad has gone a little cray and a family of bears took turns “Revenant-ing” him, and he became friends with a bird (lover?) named Dustin.
Finally, everyone is back in Chicago where they belong, where hilarity and anger ensues (Brad and Jane eventually reconcile). Penny thinks she misses Scotty’s funeral and says, “I was supposed to sing ‘Torn’! Apparently, Scotty’s head was torn off his body by Brendan Dassey’s Sea-Doo” SO MANY MAKING A MURDERER REFS. And maybe my fave niche joke, Max recalls a Halloween without Dave where they dressed up as “the Central Perk Five… the one where Monica, Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler and Joey get falsely accused of ‘wilding.'”.
But the best part came when Derek, aka Stephen Guarino, aka DRAMAAAAAAA guy, and unexpectedly came out literally only yelling DRAMAAAA for a good minute while he walked through the audience and then had Adam Pally pour water on him. We screamed.
Two twists came at the end: Scotty wasn’t really dead, it was all an elaborate plan by Alex to get everyone together. Except Scotty ended up really being dead bc of the plan itself. And then, it cut to a dream scene, where Dave wakes up next to Alex (BITCH, IT’S IS 5:30!) the night before their wedding – aka the pilot episode. Recalling his dream (all three seasons), Dave says:
“Then a bunch of super weird stuff happened, but everyone was talking so fast, it was hard to follow… My dad was the tinfoil blanket brother from Better Call Saul and Penny’s assistant was Jane the Virgin. Brad was on New Girl, Max banged Schmidt from New Girl – man, I really gotta stop falling asleep to New Girl.”
In response, Alex asks Dave if people really leave their signif oth at the altar, suggesting she may actually leave for a dude on rollerblades, just like the pilot prophesied.
It was everything we could’ve hoped for and more, and we could barely stop laughing throughout the entire table read. #BRINGBACKHAPPYENDINGS!
Tomorrow, October 20th, we’ll be introduced to another TV musical, and just in time for Halloween – The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Unlike Sound of Music, The Wiz, or the best of them all, Grease Live!, this is NOT live. But it does feature a lot of stunt casting with Victoria Justice and Adam Lambert and Laverne Cox as Dr. Frank-n-Furter. Now I have no emotional ties to this movie/musical, so I could care less. But I imagine there are folks out there that do. But you fall into the same category as I do, here’s a post from last year, when I watched the movie for the very first time. Spoiler alert: I did not enjoy it.
It’s been 40 years since The Rocky Horror Picture Show was released and for the past four decade’s it’s been a cult classic. It’s spawned countless stage productions, midnight dress-up movie sing-a-long showings and even a Glee episode. But it’s only been a few weeks since I’ve watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time.
If you’re just joining us for our Pop Culture Blind Spots series, we basically live blog our first viewing of something we’ve never seen before but we probably should have. So let’s start by sharing my knowledge of Rocky Horror:
Susan Sarandon plays an innocent girl
Tim Curry is in drag
Time Warp is a song. So is Touch a Touch a Touch a Touch Me.
I somehow confuse this show with Little Shop of Horrors in my head and often picture Tim Curry with a talking venus flytrap.
I guess I don’t really know the plot?
Alright, so here I am, about to watch Rocky Horror and in full disclosure this might not end favorably for Rocky fans. You’ve been warned.
Haven’t even started the movie yet, and I have to decide whether or not to watch the US version or the UK version… apparently the Brits get an extra song called Superheroes, because America hates heroism. Also there’s an option called “I’m frightened”, and I didn’t pick it because WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OPTIONS JUST TO PLAY THE DAMN MOVIE.
I already hate these talking lips. Literally it’s talking to me during the DVD menu selection. “Everything is in readyness, we nearly await your selection”, it says to me. SHHH.
I feel like we’ve gotten off to a bad start. Let’s collect ourselves and calm down.
Did movies made in 1975 still have credits in the beginning or was this a style choice made specifically for this film? Either way, I appreciate it
The side of the car said “WAIT TIL TONITE SHE GOT HERS NOW HE’LL GET HIS” …. she got her… sex? I’m too young for this movie.
I was not aware this movie was in black and white.
Janet’s boyfriend is proposing right after a wedding and defaced church property. Poor form all around.
I’ve never heard Susan Sarandon sing before? Gosh she’s pretty and hasn’t aged.
Who is this Hitchcockian character breaking the fourth wall??
Janet is using a newspaper to cover herself from the pouring rain. First of all, she is completely drenched. Second, the newspaper is made out of some type of waterproof paper because it’s not soggy at all.
Maybe it’s because it’s 1975, but TBH, if I walked up to a rando house in the middle of the night in a storm and this dude with the balding hair with Dracula voice answered the door, I’d be all, ‘Oh sorry, wrong house BYE’. NOT TONIGHT SIR.
Is American Gothic a theme here
There was a star wipe effect. Did someone edit this on Windows Movie Maker
Oh it’s in color now.
This Time Warp scene is like if Cabaret met Grease and they were meeting in Jeckyll and Hyde’s home office. Also, Eyes Wide Shut.
SPEAKING AS A TAP DANCER THIS WOMAN’S TAP DANCING IS HORRENDOUS AND NOT MATCHING WITH THE SOUNDS OF THE TAPS
HOLD UP. THE 20TH CENTURY FOX LOGO SHOWED UP AGAIN AND IT’S THE SAME OPENING FROM THE BEGINNING? IS THIS LIKE GROUNDHOG DAY (which I watched for the first time a couple months ago)
Is my DVD doing something weird because now the credits are in color, as opposed to black and white when I started this shit 20 minutes ago… OK lit’rally this movie just restarted from the beginning to be in color is this what really happens because I’m fast forwarding.
We’ve managed to move past the 20 minute mark without going back to the beginning. Never have I been so excited to see Tim Curry as a transvestite *apologies for saying ‘in drag’ earlier*. Also, Tim Curry has a huge mouth. take that as you will. I’m already obsessed with him.
Also Barry Bostwick was a babe??
What kind of fuckery is this? A mummy in formaldehyde? Maybe not formaldehyde. But might as well be.
This is horrible but my other prior experience with Rocky Horror is the Glee episode, and I distinctly remember Chord Overstreet in these tight gold lamé underwears.
Guys, TBH I’m like paying half attention and have no idea what’s happening. Why did Meatloaf just crash through the wall of the Tim Curry’s Willy Wonka laboratory on a motorcycle??
Yoooo did Tim Curry just murder Meatloaf with an axe
Why is Janet sleeping in a malaria tent?
Now the Igor hunchback is walking around with a candelabra and throwing the wax on the gold lamé naked guy. Honestly have no idea what’s going on.
Brad just had sex with Tim Curry? And Brad was okay with it? Oh I guess it’s fine because Janet just sought out Gold Lamé to have sex with her.
Dr. Scott is here. It is someone’s birthday. They’ve been having dinner on a table with a dead person in a coffin underneath it. So that’s another normal thing going on at this mansion.
Funniest thing to happen so far: Igor and busty maid laughing hysterically then Igor suddenly reprimanding her: SHUT UP
I’m gonna be honest with y’all – I lost interest around this point. I got distracted, decided not to pause the movie, but didn’t understand what was happening anyways and I probably skipped a a lot of things moving forward.
They’re in a pool now. Having a huge orgy while the dude in the wheelchair is watching from afar. Because at this point, why the hell not.
Why are there lazer guns involved now?
Are these aliens?
Oh it’s Igor and what’s her name?? Gold lamé shorts just shook his fist as he’s trying to carry Tim Curry on his back.
They fell into the poolWHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HAPPENING
I give up y’all. This isn’t for me. I don’t get it. But respect for those who do.
Unpopular opinion I’m assuming most people will disagree with:
Rating of Rocky Horror: 1 spear shaped lazer gun (out of like 20)
Before you say anything, I KNOW. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW.
In my defense, I think I actually have seen The Sandlot, but wasn’t paying attention because I don’t really remember anything about it. And I’m three decades old. I also confused all the 90s baseball movies (Little League Angels of the Year and the Rookie in the Outfield of Dreams) together, so it bears some refreshing. Plus it’s coming off Netflix streaming and I thought I’d watch it (again?).
Knowledge of this film:
Baseball with kids. A backyard. Something about ‘You’re kiddin’ me Smalls’.
Actual IMDb description:
A new kid in town is taken under the wing of a young baseball prodigy and his team in this coming of age movie set in the summer of 1962. Together, they get themselves into many adventures involving rival teams, lifeguards, and a vicious dog.
*I did not remember this was set in 1962.
Question I always ask before talking about one of those 90s baseball movies: Is this the one Scott Patterson (Luke Danes) is in?
Answer: No. He was in Little Big League.
HOLY SMOKES I G2G WATCH THIS BRB
Denis Leary is in this? And James Earl Jones?
Mike Vitar plays main character Benny ‘The Jet’ Rodriguez, and in the back of my mind I knew the name sounded familiar, but he hasn’t acted since 1997. Why did I know his name when this movie has no relevance to me? Oh, because I legit wrote about him being arrested for assault.
This movie takes place in the San Fernando Valley aka “The Valley” aka where I live!! …It was all filmed in Utah.
In my head, “The Sandlot” was someone’s backyard and it was next to a crochety old lady like Ellen Burstyn in The Baby-Sitters Club movie.
“Don’t be a goofus!” Scotty Smalls but also my new motto in life.
Scotty ends up in the far outfield in The Sandlot, but when the ball comes flying towards him, he misses it. To make matters worse, it lands right next to the fence with the Cujo-type dog barking and when he throws it back to the pitcher… well, he doesn’t and all the boys laugh at him. At 9 years old, I would’ve found this funny. As a 30 year old, I call this bullying. #Adulting.
We’re eight minutes in, and Scotty has used the phrase “got into the biggest pickle” twice already. Take a shot.
Mom: Honey, I want you to make some friends this summer, lots of them.
Smalls: Yeah, I know. But I’m not good at anything, mom. Face it, I’m just an egghead.
SMALLS IS SO ADORABLE I JUST WANT TO EMBRACE HIM. He also keeps hesitating on what to call his stepdad (Denis Leary) either Bill or Dad and it’s 2QT. I hope BillDad is a good guy. At least he agrees to play catch with Smalls. Except he ends up with a black eye.
Denis Leary looks perfect for the 1960s here
Benny shows up at Smalls’ door and invites him to play ball this is the MOST TENDER.
The kid who’s in The Big Green is in all the 90s sports movies, no? His name is also Hamilton and they all call him ‘Ham’. There’s an opportunity for a crossover here. I just don’t know what it is yet.
SQUINTS: No you don’t. It’s stupid, Benny. The kid’s an L-7 weenie. <<< What does this mean.
Benny has the patience of a saint. After Smalls couldn’t catch the ball, he hits the ball directly at Smalls and tells him not to move and just keep his arm up. And then later:
Benny: You got a fireplace?
Smalls: Yeah, why?
Benny: Throw that hat in there, man. (I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO SAY THAT)
Smalls: Oh, yeah. You know, it was the only one I had.
Benny: Not anymore. Wear my old hat.
What a dream. He is a hero among boys. We all need a Benny in our lives.
“You’re killin’ me Smalls” is in reference to him not knowing what a s’more is? THIS SENTENCE IS JUSTIFIED. I know he’s from out of state but s’mores are an American (??) institution.
Basically this Cujo junkyard is described as a “true killing machine” per this Are you Afraid of the Dark? story from Squints. Is the neighbor going to turn out to be a really nice dude IRL?
Wendy Peppercorn (IT’S Peffercorn NOT Peppercorn!?!?) slow walks through the town to The Drifters’ There Goes My Baby and I remember this is set in the 1960s. Also, Wendy is the typical babe who is probs 15 and inapprop
“Aw, Squints was pervin’ a dish.” AKA Squints was checking out Wendy Peffercorn?!
Ham also used the word “pop” for “soda”, which is not a think Californians say colloquially.
Squints pretends to drown in order to have Lifeguard Wendy save his life. I really hope kids didn’t try this at home.
This movie is rated PG and they used the word “shit”. Is that a thing? That must be a thing.
“On the 4th of July, the whole sky would brighten up with fireworks, giving us just enough light for a game. We played our best then because, I guess, we all felt like the big leaguers under the lights of some great stadium. Benny felt like that all the time. We all knew he was gonna go on to bigger and better games, because every time we stopped to watch the sky on those nights like regular kids, he was there to call us back. You see, for us, baseball was a game. But for Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez, baseball was life.” Narrator Smalls says, as the boys watch the slow motion fireworks in the night sky with awe. That is some good *shit*.
“You make your Wheaties with your mama’s toe jam!” LOL WHAT, HAM?
HAM IS A BULLY AS THE CATCHER BUT IT IS HILARIOUS. HE’S LIKE HAMILTON IRL
Benny treats the team to a free ride at the carnival. Seriously, what a dream.
Uh oh. One of them brings chewing tabacco. This isn’t going to end well. It’s so gross I can’t even watch it.
First of all, “Tequila” is playing LOL Second of all they go on a spinning tilt-a-whirl type thing and they all vom. On the other riders.
Minute 53 – Narrator Smalls says “pickle”. Take a shot.
Ohhhh no. The boys are in need of a ball after Benny lit’rally smashes it into bits. Smalls saves the day by grabbing the (Babe Ruth) ball from BillDad’s office. Prediction: it flies into the Cujo junkyard and he has to go get it.
Bertram: “Maybe the shock of his first homer was just too much for him” LOL this is a great line coming from a 5th grader.
The ball flies into the Cujo junkyard and Smalls has to go get it.
Cujo’s paw is out of CONTROL.
The boys devise a plan to fake Babe Ruth’s autograph on a separate ball to put in BillDad’s trophy case while they try to get the real one back, and it’s a real case in support of teaching kids cursive in elementary school.
Squints: She ain’t gonna buy that, Benny. It doesn’t look anything like the Babe’s signature.
Benny: It doesn’t matter what it looks like. His mom’s never gonna know the difference. This’ll just buy us some time, ya dorks!
Cujo’s being a real bitch not letting them have this ball back. What’s he gonna do, sell it on eBay? Or whatever it was in the 1960s? A… yard sale?
The dudes actually come up with a pretty ingenius plan involving three vacuums and a catcher’s mitt. That is until it blows up the tree house. Anyways, that didn’t get the ball back either.
“We’ve been going about this all wrong. I blame myself.” These kids, I tell ya.
CUJO IS HUGE-O. Also he may or may not have rabies.
I can see why this movie was popular with kids aka my generation growing up, particularly with the scenes in which they come up with different ways to get the ball. From the vacuums to an aerial attack using a lever/pulley situation and military style robot they create, it shows creativity while making you sit on the edge of your seat
Hologram Babe Ruth shows up to tell Benny to just go over the fence and get the ball back. He is played by the diner owner in that one Boy Meets World episode where Shawn attempts to run away after his dad dies.
Babe Ruth says “pickle”. Take a shot.
Benny saves the day by jumping over and grabbing the (now mangled?) ball. Except Cujo breaks free from his chain and begins chasing Benny through the streets. Cujo even breaks through a glass window, in a movie theater, through a Founder’s Day festival and underneath Uncle Sam just to follow Benny. This is exhausting.
They end up back in The Sandlot and the fence falls on Cujo, but Smalls, being the good kid that he is, attempts to lift the fence off Cujo, and only Benny helps.
Why does Cujo look like it’s a CGI dog?
Cujo has been secretly hoarding their baseballs! And the owner of the junkyard is a blind James Earl Jones!
They all gang up on Squints because James Earl Jones says he would’ve just gotten it for them if they knocked and didn’t believe the stupid urban myth.
JEJ calls Babe Ruth “George”, so obviously he knows him. He offers to trade Smalls and Benny a ball signed by the 1927 Yankees. Wait IS he blind?? Or going blind?
You guys come by here once a week and talk baseball with me and we’ll call it a deal.
Thank GOD Denis Leary is a nice guy in this.
So we get an epilogue of sorts telling us where each kid ended up, and each one slowly disappears. It’s making me tear up a little? Bertram got really into the 60s and no one ever saw him again (lol), the twins invented mini mall Squints married Wendy Peffercorn?! AND HAD NINE KIDS?!
BENNY PLAYS FOR THE DODGERS NOOOO AND SMALLS IS A COMMENTATOR WEARING THE OLD HAT AND I’M CRYING I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS I’M OLD AND UNDERSTAND THE VALUE OF TIME
When one guy would move away,
we never replaced him on the team with anyone else.
We just kept the game going like he was still there.
Well, that final scene made it for me. I get it, you guys. I get it now.
THE DAY HAS FINALLY COME. TODAY IS THE DAY WE’VE LIT’RALLY BEEN WAITING FOR FOR THE PAST 10 MONTHS. WE SEE HAMILTON TODAY!!!
In honor of this epic day, we’re revisiting some of our favorite Ham4Hams. In all honesty, part of the reason we’re seeing the show on a Wednesday was in hopes we could see the live Ham4Ham show. But because they did away with them a couple months ago, we’ll be missing out. But we’ll always have these videos.
Since compiling the original list, there have been a few more that need to be added to our faves, so here they are. You enjoy this, we’ll be inside the Richard Rodgers crying at everything. Seriously. We are emotional humans.
SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WAR.
NEW HAM4HAM ADDITIONS:
#TveitForIt
It had been a long time coming for Broadway’s heartthrob Aaron Tveit to show up at Ham4Ham, but you know, he’s been busy with Grease Live and his new TV show and in general just being handsome. But like it was well worth the *tveit* because his surprise appearance sent theater nerds screaming all over the world. On top of that, he sang a mash up of I’m Alive from Next to Normal with Rory’s version of Turn It Off from Book of Mormon ALL while Lin played the tambourine in his T-Birds jacket. WE ARE SO BLESSED.
Happy Trails
July 9th was a day to remember in Hamilton history, with Lin, Pippa Soo and Leslie Odom Jr. all saying their final goodbyes to the show. A few days before, Lin hosted his final Ham4Ham and ruined us by reading a letter Alex wrote to his dearest Eliza. As if we needed to be any more emotional that week.
Queen Sings the Queen
It’s already a known fact we love Tony winner Cynthia Erivo, and that sentiment is pretty much universal among anyone who’s ever heard her sing before. Here she is singing Beyonce like it’s no big deal, because this is just how queens are.
I’m Not Here For You
To be clear, we are here for Renee. She also said goodbye to Angelica this summer, and for her final Ham4Ham, Lin insisted she sing Congratulations, a cut song from the show, which has only been available to #Hamiltrash who know how to search the bowels of the Internet for a bootleg audio. But here we are with a much clearer version of this harsh burn of a song, solidifying that Angelica was the truest HBIC of them all.
All The Mimis
Ever since Hamilton fever hit last year, it’s been compared to Rent in terms of the insane phenomenon that’s reached. Not only that but a number of the cast members have ties to Rent, including Renee and new Eliza Lexi Lawson, who have both played Mimi in their past lives. To celebrate this, the Schuyler sisters did their rendition of Out Tonight using the wooden rafters in place of a NYC fire escape. If you can hear that noise in the distance, it’s millennials (like me) screaming at the perfection of this video.
Talk Less, Sign More
So many things to love about this Ham4Ham. The fact that ASL is in the spotlight is great enough. But on top of that, there’s the added gender reversal PLUS our first look at Michael Luwoye as A.Ham. I wish to be as sassy speaking as these women are signing.
Welcome to #Hamilweek! The Tony Awards are this Sunday, and until then we’re going to write like we’re running out of time (sorry). Hamilton is one of the first hit musicals of the social media era. Lin-Manuel Miranda and the cast realize that a majority of the fans can’t make it to the show, so they try their best to bring an up-close experience to their supporters through the magic of the internet. Case in point: Ham4Ham. Originally intended to give people who don’t win the ticket lotto a consolation prize, it has grown into a must-watch YouTube sensation. We could easily put every damn Ham4Ham on the list, but we tried to narrow it down a bit. Here are some of the best of Hams and best of Ham4Hams:
We Three Kings
Hamilton has been #blessed with three (now four) very talented men to play King George – Brian d’Arcy James, Jonathan Groff and Andrew Rannells. The great tragedy is that they never get to grace the stage at the same time. So it was invevitable that a Hamilfan suggested the three of them get together to sing The Schuyler Sisters. Request on Twitter and ye shall receive, so Lin organized this lip sync version featuring royalty. I love this because someone actually cut all the best angles together to create the best supercut. The fandom is great. – T
Star Techs
An amazing example of the behind-the-scenes coordination and dedication needed to produce a single number in the show. Ladies and gentlemen, I present stage manager Jason Bassett calling cues with the rhythm and timing of a star performer. -M
Whenever I’m tempted to half-ass something from now on, I’m going to remember that Patti LuPone does the whole damn introduction to Give My Regards To Broadway that NOBODY DOES. -M
I’ma Compel Him To Include Women in the Sequel
First the Kings take over for the Schuyler Sisters, then the fierce women take over for A. Ham and the rest of the squad for My Shot. There was a rumor a while ago that the touring production was auditioning females for the male roles and vice versa – it proved to me false, but this video alone shows the ladies are more than ready to go. – T
THIS IS PAVEMENT YOU GUYS.
This is one of those Ham4Hams that has nothing to do with the show – not the performers, not the music, just members of the New York City ballet making my brain explode by performing on the sidewalk so beautifully that it made me want to cry. -M
WERK
For one day, the #Ham4Ham turned into #Bam4Ham, as the the cast took a field trip to Washington D.C. to perform for the president. Naturally, Lin took advantage of the setting and recorded three digital Ham4Hams, including this one, which again features the ladies of the show. I still get chills every time I watch it. Which is a lot. It’s a reminder that the story they’re telling at the Richard Rodgers stemmed from real events, not just made up characters for a Broadway show. That Hamilton and the rest of the founding fathers built this nation from the ground up, and these beautiful actors have the privilege of telling their story. -T
Fun Ham
If you’ve read Chernow’s biography, or just engaged in some deep-Googling, you probably know that Alexander and Eliza had eight children. And if you’re a youngest or middle child, you won’t be surprised that everyone only talks about the oldest. The Fun Home kids bring the other Hamilton sibs to life and tell you a little about their accomplishments. Is Oscar Williams old enough to play Phillip when Anthony Ramos leaves (long may Anthony Ramos remain, though)? -M
Minamahal Kita
This Ham4Ham holds a special place in my heart because it was the video that informed me Lin’s longterm girlfriend in college was Filipino. And like the type of Filipino that taught her boyfriend conversational Tagalog. And that Lin is the type of person that would compose a song in Taglish (Tagalog and English) to mack on his girl. My brain exploded and all that came out were the emojis with heart eyes. Oh, also Queen of the Philippines Lea Salonga is in this too. -T
Heights4Ham
Chances are if you love Hamilton, you loved Lin’s first venture, In The Heights, as well … and this miniature ITH reunion was better than I even hoped for. Karen Olivo, everyone! -M
Funny Girl
Has anyone proven that Jasmine Cephas Jones ISN’T magic? At least a little bit?
Silky Strikes Again
Leslie Odom Jr. could me the McDonalds value menu and I’d be so enthralled by it that I’d buy every damn thing. But when you mix my fave track Wait For It with an emotional song like Stars from Les Mis – forget it. I am undone. -T
~*BFFLs*~
I love Jimmy Fallon. I love Lin-Manuel Miranda. They are both equally cinnamon rolls too precious for this world. So when they get together it’s sugar overload. What? Yes. Just watch. – T
If I Was A Schuyler
Tevye’s daughters from the Fiddler On The Roof (including Lin’s former intern!) make their best case for appearing as the Schuyler sisters. I’m sold. -M
Kyle Jean-Baptiste
Summer 2015: in addition to the diverse cast playing the founding fathers in Hamilton, Broadway had its first black Valjean in Kyle Jean-Baptiste. You could, and can, feel theater changing. This is bittersweet now: Kyle died tragically at just 21 years old, but thanks to this Ham4Ham we can still appreciate his talent.
Is the person who created #ThrowbackThursday profiting from all the social media posts? Do we even know who started it? Well remember this post because I’m about to start a new hashtag in honor of America’s underrated sweetheart – Mandy Moore.
Welcome to Mandy Moore Monday, in which I heap praise upon a woman who has graced us with her talents for years. And now, she’s gracing us with her talents every Tuesday with the breakout hit This Is Us – a series that has reached the type of success that has been years in the making.
For a little backstory, Mandy hasn’t had the best of luck with pilots over the past few years. One original project with ABC fell through, another CBS legal drama (alongside Ben McKenzie/Ryan Atwood, making your 2000s shipper hearts go into full bloom) failed to get picked up, and she even signed on for an adaptation of British TV series called Pulling, but she and the producers came to a mutual decision for her to leave the show. And do you remember Red Band Society? She wasn’t even a regular and it still got cancelled. Needless to say, she needed This Is Us. Not only because she needed a win, but because WE needed a win. We NEED Mandy Moore back in our lives. Get ready folks – IT’S TIME FOR THE MANDYISSANCE.
After you catch up with This Is Us and want MOORE Mandy, how about throwin’ it back to a past project of hers you might have missed – her 2003 album Coverage. This was post-Candy and even post-In My Pocket, and the first record that was a 180 from her pop songs and strictly an album of cover songs from the 1970s and 1980s. I admit I was one of those teens who hadn’t even heard any of these tunes until she covered them and legitimately expanding music knowledge to a whole new generation.
So for the first installment of Mandy Moore Monday, I present to you a collection of my five favorite tracks from the Coverage album. And you can listen to the entire album on Spotify!
The Whole of the Moon
As previously mentioned, there are some songs on the album I’d only heard for the first time through Mandy’s angelic voice, and The Whole of the Moon immediately became one of my favorites. The original 1985 version is by a British/Irish group called The Waterboys (whose lead singer’s name is Mike Scott?) and is considered one of their best-known songs. But you know who’s never heard the OG song before? A majority of teens v into pop music who didn’t know what they were getting into when Mandy released a follow up to In My Pocket. But that’s part of the brilliance of this album. For those who didn’t know the original songs, a track like The Whole of the Moon is just a new Mandy Moore song which she sings beautifully and with grace. And for those looking for a history lesson, they can go back and listen to the The Waterboys’ version and get educated on early rock. Either way, it’s a win-win.
Can We Still Be Friends
I’m going to be honest with you – a majority of these songs I still haven’t heard the original version of because I have no interest. Mandy Moore is good enough for me. It’s also because I’m not keen on the 70s/80s rock sound, so hearing these classics through a singer whose music I enjoy is truly a gift. This song was originally done by Todd Rundgren, whose name sounds vaguely familiar but is also one of those white male rocker names that could’ve been featured in SNL’s Blue Oyster Cult band. As for the song itself, it’s got a chill vibe to it, but towards the end she goes into a bit of a belt. But not Idina Menzel belt, the kind of belt that I love so much about Mandy’s voice – it’s not forced but strong enough to get the point across and still sound powerful.
Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters
Sir Elton John made this tune a classic back in 1972, and Mandy does the music icon justice with her own version of Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters. I think this song is the perfect example of where her voice sits naturally, in which she’s not trying too hard, but giving it just the right amount of emotion to feel just right. A Goldilocks of a song, if you will.
Drop the Pilot
I admittedly haven’t listened to the Coverage album in its entirety in a few years, but when I listened to this song for the first time in a while, it just got me so pumped and inspired me to play Mandy Moore tracks for the rest of the day. Drop the Pilot, originally done by Joan Armatrading, is just a fun, upbeat track, and I couldn’t even tell you what it’s about, but that’s secondary to the music itself. ALSO.
FACT: I had never seen this music video before.
FACT: This video was shot in our hometown of Rochester, New York! WHILE WE WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL, YET I HAVE NO RECOLLECTION OF THIS HAPPENING. Apparently, the video was made as a demo for Kodak’s “Vision2 500T series motion picture film” and they used it to promote the product.
FACT: Kodak’s headquarters are located in Rochester. It’s one of our *things*. You can even visit the house of George Eastman, the founder of Kodak.
Ok, besides Candy and In My Pocket, this cover of John Hiatt’s Have a Little Faith in Me is probably one of Mandy’s greatest hits. Mandy’s always had a bit of an ethereal quality in her voice, which is perfect for a song whose lyrics inspire encouragement and trust from a loved one. Well, you got me Mandy. You got me.
Our long national nightmare is over Love is Dead! Ok, on the real, how are we all feeling about the Brangelina split a week later? Did we see this coming? Or were we completely blindsided? Are you choosing a team? Do you even care? I’m personally on the side of, *meh*. Is it because Friends is one of my all time TV shows and I spent some of my formative years seeing Brad and Jennifer as the Hollywood ‘IT’ couple then he made a movie with the sexiest woman alive and did an oddly cozy faux family magazine shoot pre-Jen divorce? Perhaps. But I know for a lot of people, Brangelina was one of the last A-list couples still left standing. So who can replace them? If you fall in the latter category, the answer is ‘no one’, but if you’re willing to open your heart and let in another couple to be the next Brangelina, I’ve got a few suggestions.
If you don’t follow these two on social media, do so now. It’s one thing when they take the red carpet (looking smokin’ hot all the time), but it nudges them up a bunch of notches when you see them interact on social media, as seen in the above Twitter exchange. Plus they’ll post cute and not annoying PDA pix and vids, and share posts of their adorable baby daughter Luna. They’re hilarious, smart, and socially active – in the way they speak out about social issues and politics, not necessarily social media. And again, they’re nice to look at, which doesn’t hurt.
I feel like every two and a half months, there are rumors these two are breaking up. I never believe the gossip – BECAUSE THESE TWO ARE NEVER SPLITTING UP. NOT ON MY WATCH. Ellen always speaks the loveliest words about Portia in a way that makes me think I, TOO, am in love with Portia. Also, Portia’s wedding dress continues to be one of my favorite celeb dresses ever.
Emily Blunt + John Krasinski
Preface: John Krasinski is my boo. He has been my boo since The Office, and when he started dating Emily Blunt, I was all, ‘yeah, that makes sense’. They seem so compatible with each other and just laid back and not all about the fame. So I guess if you liked Brangelina for the movie star/untouchable quality, Emily and John may not be your cuppa tea. I like that they’re open about their relationship and family, yet secretive in the sense they’re not pushing it into our faces like Kimye is wont to do. Plus they just seem like good people.
Beyonce + Jay Z
In terms of superstar quality and elusiveness, I think Bey and Jay are the closest thing to Brangelina. They don’t share too much of their personal lives online and social media, but B will occasionally post a few sweet snaps of them together. She’s certainly gotten more lax with it over the years (see: Lemonade) but they still have an air of mystery to them that leaves you wanting more. Even the On The Run tour was a lot for me to handle – so much Bey and Jay time I didn’t know what to do with myself. And this Forever Young/Halo video montage FORGET IT.
Kristen Bell + Dax Shepard
If you’re looking for a couple that you most relate to, it’s probs KBell and Dax. They’re just two Michigan kids who found love in Hollywood, but continue to be sweet and strong midwesterners (is Michigan the midwest?). From this Africa video to their Samsung commercials to the famous sloth surprise video, they are one of the most laid back couples in La La Land.
Rita Wilson + Tom Hanks
Do I really need to explain this? Well, Rita may need to explain her wedding dress, but other than that, you get it.
If you aren’t #HamilTrash like us, you probably don’t know how much Lin-Manuel (the creator/star/writer/literal genius behind Hamilton) loves his wife. Like truly is in love with his wife in a poetic way. And we might be too. She’s gorgeous, witty (per Twitter) and equally as smart as Lin – she has a chemical engineering degree from MIT, and when she got bored with that, decided to get her law degree from Fordham. When I’m bored, I stalk the Kardashians on Instagram. Anyways, when he gets the chance to gush over Vanessa, Lin jumps at the opportunity. It’s probably because he’s a master of words, but he makes it seem like their relationship is a great love that cannot be compared. I believe it.
There’s a scene in Gilmore Girls when Lorelai makes fun of Rory (and Chris’) obsession with their new Sidekicks. REMEMBER SIDEKICKS??? Anyways, her line has always stuck out to me as quoteworthy and comical, mainly because of the nonsense questions she’s asking and at the even faster rate than normal she’s asking them in.
Now I’ve never been on a red carpet and been bombarded with a million questions by pushy reporters and photographers, but I imagine this is what it would be like, but like 50 Lorelais all at once.
About a year or so ago, there was a movement called #AskHerMore, which encouraged reporters to inquire about more than just “who are you wearing” to women on the red carpet. About a year ago, Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls at the Party started their own version using the hashtag #SmartGirlsAsk. They asked followers and celebs alike to send in their questions to stars at the Emmys, and since it went swimmingly before, they did it again this past Sunday. Here are some of the best questions and the best answers from the best people in the biz.
Obvs we have to start with our boo. Remember when Amy Poehler used to provide us with infinite wisdom via her Ask Amy video blogs? I miss those. This will do.
I admit I had to look up with this hilarious gal is, and research tells me she’s on Transparent, a show I have yet to watch. But I am living for her honesty.
If you’re wondering who the two girls are on either side of Ellie, they’re Cydnee and Gretchen all glammed up. They sure do look different out of their bunker gear.
When Roald Dahl first introduced Matilda to the world in 1988, he probably never thought about just how long the legacy would last, and in so many different mediums. An imagination as great as Matilda Wormwood herself could have never dreamed that kids and adults all over the world would be in love with this character and her world through a beloved movie and a hit musical that are popular all over the world. Moreover, Roald Dahl probably would have never guessed just how many times his cherished Matilda would be brought to life by actors for years to come. Over the past 28 years, Matilda has been played by a number of girls in various adaptations, and here’s a look at those talented Wormwoods and where they are now.
Matilda – Musical, 1990
Annabelle Lanyon
Annabelle Lanyon was a child actress who is best known for playing Dora Keith in the British mini-series of Anne of Avonlea, as pictured here. But in 1990, when she was 29, she starred as Matilda in the first musical adaptation of the book. I couldn’t find pix of her in the production, but since she’s supposed to be like 7, I figured this photo would suffice. Anyways, the musical featured music and lyrics by Ken Howard and Alan Blaiklev and toured theaters around the UK. Reviews were mixed and unfortunately lost in the public’s conscious forever. Annabelle quit acting in 1992, but returned in 2000 and is currently filming two movies.
Matilda – Movie, 1996
Mara Wilson
Mara Wilson is probably the best known actress for playing little Matilda, thanks to the movie we’ve been talking about all week. By the time she filmed Matilda, Mara already had Mrs. Doubtfire and Miracle on 34th Street under her belt, but her mother died of breast cancer while they were filming Matilda. This life-changing event made her lose her passion for acting, and has only been in front of the camera several times ever since. She graduated from NYU in 2009, and is v active on the Interwebz with Twitter and podcasts (Welcome to Night Vale) etc. Just this week, on Roald Dahl’s 100th birthday, she released an autobiography called Where Am I Now?: True Stories of Girlhood and Accidental Fame.
Matilda – Radio Programme, 2009
Lauren Mote
BBC Radio 4, being super British, featured a dramatized version of Matilda for a classic serial as part of the BBC Christmas season. Voice actress Lauren Mote, who was 12 at the time, took on the lead in the two-part series, which you can maybe eventually watch on their website.
Matilda – Musical, 2010
The Royal Shakespeare Company commissioned a second musical adaptation of the book and found much better success thanks in part to a book by Dennis Kelly and music and lyrics by Tim Minchin. It premiered in the West End in 2011 and ended up winning seven Olivier Awards, including Best Musical, Best Actor in a Musical for Bertie Carvel as Miss Trunchbull (yes, you read that right) and a tie between all four tiny Matildas for Best Actress in a Musical. The show opened on Broadway in 2013 and found similar success at the Tonys, winning four trophies and a special prize for all four tiny Matildas for Tony Honors for Excellence in Theatre. Since then, there have been tours in both the US and Australia, and a production in Toronto which opened in July. But for those looking to see the show on Broadway, you only have a few months left – the production is closing on January 1st.
West End
Cleo Demetriou
Before Matilda, Cleo appeared in productions of The Sound of Music (Gretl, duh), the ENRON musical and Les Mis (Young Cosette, duh). She is now 15 (and a legit teen, per Instagram), and stars in a British sitcom called So Awkward.
Kerry Ingram
Kerry’s only theatre expereience before Matilda was in a West End revival of Oliver!, but her career only got bigger after starring in Matilda by scoring roles in hit TV shows like Wolf Hall and British medical soap (think Grey’s) Doctors. But you may know her as Shireen Baratheon in Game of Thrones, a show we definitely are huge fans of and understand completely.
Sophia Kiely
Sophia’s only professional credit to date is Matilda, and it seems she stepped out of the spotlight after taking her final bow. So much so that she doesn’t have any social media accounts (that I can easily Google). The only thing we know for sure is that she is four years older than when she played Matilda.
Eleanor Worthington Cox
Eleanor continues to work on the stage, appearing in London productions of To Kill A Mockingbird, Bugsy Malone and Tomcat. On British TV she’s starred in shows like Cucumber, Hetty Feather, and The Enfield Haunting, which earned her a Best Supporting Actress nomination at the British Academy Television Awards.
Broadway
Sophia Gennusa
After Matilda, Sophia was back on Broadway last year in the musical adaptation of Doctor Zhivago – which only lasted three weeks. But her greatest accomplishment yet – being the singer for the current Sesame Street theme song.
Oona Laurence
Prior to Matilda, Oona played “Spiteful Mean Girl #4” on Louie, but she may be the most successful Matilda yet. After leaving the show, she booked roles on Law & Order: SVU, Blindspot, and Orange Is The New Black, playing 10-year-old Tiffany aka Pennsatucky in a flashback. Over the past year, she has worked with stars like Sarah Silverman (I Smile Back), Janeane Garofalo (Little Boxes), Robert Redford (Pete’s Dragon), Jake Gyllenhaal (Southpaw) and Mila Kunis (Bad Moms). So yeah, she’s doin OK.
Bailey Ryon
Bailey starred in other notable family faves before Matilda, like How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. These days, she is focusing on her career as a dancer, and performs with hte Susquehanna Youth Ballet in Pennsylvania.
Milly Shapiro
Matilda still stands as Milly’s lone professional credit, but she and her sister Abigail are hoping to be the next Lennon and Maisy by posting performances on YouTube. Check them out singing Defying Gravity at 54 Below.
Another season of Dancing with the Stars is around the corner, and this week, the cast of 13 “stars” was revealed. To be honest, a handful of these wannabe dancers are so generic and fit into pre-existing DWTS roles that I thought they were already on the show before. Or Marilu Henner was just destined for this show.
A couple seasons ago, I broke down the usual suspects when it comes to casting DWTS, since every star can usually fit into a pre-existing category. I’ve done it again for this season and also determined who actually has a shot of winning the coveted MIRROR BALL TROPHY (it’s worth noting I correctly guessed two of the final three from S21, so I’m pretty much an expert on this kayyyy?).
*denotes winner of season
Season 23 Contestant: Maureen McCormick {Actress}
Filling the Quota: Actress That Was Somewhat Relevant At Some Point In Their Career
Preceded by: Tia Carrere and Tatum O’Neal (S2), Jennie Garth (S5), Shannon Elizabeth (S6), Shannen Doherty (S7), Denise Richards (S8), Melissa Joan Hart (S9), Pamela Anderson (S10 & 15), Ricki Lake (S13), Melissa Gilbert (S14), Elizabeth Berkley Lauren (S17), Danica McKellar (S18)
Usually Partnered With: Tony Dovolani, Artem Chigvintsev
Notes: I have a feeling Maureen will at least make it through the halfway point. She’s got the nostalgia factor going for her, and she’s probably got some moves she’s been hiding since Sunshine Day? Also, I predict she will say something along the lines of this in the first episode: “Hi, I’m Maureen McCormick and I’m an actress. You probably know me best as Marcia on The Brady Bunch… I have asked my TV mom Florence Henderson for some pointers, and she just told me to be confident, and most importantly have fun!”
Season 23 Contestant: Marilu Henner {Actress}
Filling the Quota: Older Actress/TV Personality
Preceded by: Paula Deen (S21), Suzanne Somers (S20), Betsey Johnson and Lea Thompson (S19), Valerie Harper (S17), Ricki Lake (S13), Kirstie Alley (S12), Florence Henderson (S11), Cloris Leachman (S7)
Usually Partnered With: Tony Dovolani, Artem Chigvintsev
Notes: Marilu and Maureen are basically filling the same role, except Marilu lucked out with Derek Hough. Because of this alone, she has a good shot of staying in the game longer than Maureen.
Season 23 Contestant: Jake T. Austin {Actor}
Filling the Quota: Younger actor/singer
Preceded by: Carlos PenaVega (S21), Riker Lynch (S20), James Maslow (S18), Brant Daugherty (S17), Roshon Fegan and William Levy (S14), Romeo Miller (S12), Kyle Massey (S11), Cody Linley (S7)
Usually Partnered With: Alison Holker, Witney Carson, Jenna Johnson
Notes: Usually this person is the underdog, surprisingly good and consistent throughout the show, a force to be reckoned with towards the end. I can definitely see Jake doing this, and he’ll have a good story to tell too: former Disney star who got into some trouble with the law (DUI) a few years ago? Golden. Too bad there’s another cast member who has a better redemption story.
Season 23 Contestant: Kenneth ‘Babyface’ Edmonds {Singer/Songwriter/Producer}
Filling the Quota: Rando singer/musician
Preceded by: Andy Grammer (S21), Redfoo (S20), Gavin DeGraw (S14), Master P (S2), Billy Ray Cyrus (S4), Chuck Wicks (S8), Donny Osmond* (S9), Michael Bolton (S11).
Usually Partnered With: Allison Holker, Sharna Burgess, Emma Slater
Notes: You’d think musicians would have good rhythm as dancers, but most of the time, it just means their rhythm is better suited off the dance floor. Babyface will probably hang on past the mid-season mark.
Season 23 Contestant: Calvin Johnson {NFL Star}
Filling the Quota: Athlete
Preceded by: Michael Sam (S20), Michael Waltrip (S19), Keyshawn Johnson (S17), Jacoby Jones and Victor Oritz (S16), Donald Driver (S14)*, Metta World Peace (S13), Sugar Ray Leonard and Hines Ward (S12)*, Rick Fox (S11), Chad Ochocinco (S10), Warren Sapp (S7), Helio Castroneves* (S5), Apolo Anton Ohno (S4), Emmitt Smith (S3)*
Usually Partnered With: Witney Carson, Karina Smirnoff, Cheryl Burke, Lindsay Arnold
Notes: I honestly have no idea who this is, but NFL stars usually excel when it comes to DWTS.
Season 23 Contestant: Vanilla Ice {Rapper}
Filling the Quota: Rando singer/musician
Preceded by: Redfoo (S20), Gavin DeGraw (S14), Master P (S2), Billy Ray Cyrus (S4), Chuck Wicks (S8), Donny Osmond* (S9), Michael Bolton (S11).
Usually Partnered With: Allison Holker, Sharna Burgess, Emma Slater
Notes: Unlike Babyface, Ice actually dances when he performs, so he’s got a good shot here. Will he dance to Ice Ice Baby? 100 million percent yes. (Ed note: I swear I found that video after writing that. Dancing on Ice is a DWTS/Strictly Come Dancing spin-off in the UK. He placed 7th out of 16.)
Season 23 Contestant: Amber Rose {Model/Talk Show Host}
Filling the Quota: Reality TV Star
Preceded by: Kim Zolciak Biermann (S21), Lisa Vanderpump (S16), Kristin Cavallari (13), Kendra Wilkinson (S12), Audrina Patridge and Bristol Palin (S11), Kate Gosselin (S10), Joanna Krupa (S9), Holly Madison and Melissa Rycroft (S8), Kim Kardashian (S7), Trista Sutter (S1)
Usually Partnered With: Tony Dovolani, Louis van Amstel, Mark Ballas
Notes: I never really know what to call Amber Rose, but per her ABC bio, she’s a “proud mother, activist, entrepreneur, spokesperson, talk show host, model, actor and published author from Philadelphia, PA.” Ok then. She’ll do alright. She’ll also get in heated arguments with Maks. But muva won’t be taking home a trophy for Sebastian.
Season 23 Contestant: Terra Jole {Reality TV Star}
Filling the Quota: Inspirational hero
Preceded by: Alex Skarlatos (S21), Heather Mills (S4), Chaz Bono and J.R. Martinez* (S13), Amy Purdy (S18), Noah Galloway (S20)
Usually Partnered With: Karina Smirnoff, Derek Hough
Notes: The demographic for DWTS LOVES a good inspirational story, one that makes you cry in the video package shown before their dance every week. This contestant usually does really well.
Season 23 Contestant: Jana Kramer {Country Music Star}
Filling the Quota: Rando female singer who needs to overcome adversity
Preceded by: Toni Braxton (S7), Wynonna Judd (S16),
Usually Partnered With: Karina Smirnoff, Derek Hough
Notes: Jana fills two quotas, one as a rando female singer, but the other unfortunately because she recently separated from her husband. Who knows if she’ll discuss why she decided to do the the or if she signed up prior to her split, but she’ll grab some sympathy votes in addition to her natural talent.
Season 23 Contestant: Rick Perry {Former Governor of Texas}
Filling the Quota: Older actor/Comedian/Not a chance in hell
Preceded by: Gary Busey (S21), Tommy Chong (S20), Andy Dick (S16) David Hasselhoff (S11), Buzz Aldrin (S10) Tom DeLay (S9), Steve Wozniak (S8), Jeffrey Ross (S7), The Holy Trinity – Steve Guttenberg, Penn Jillette and Adam Carolla (S6), Wayne Newton (S5), Jerry Springer (S3)
Usually Partnered With: Kym Johnson, Cheryl Burke, Emma Slater, Anna Trebunskaya
Notes: Here’s a hint – any older male contestant whose initial promo photo features them standing and not doing any sort of dance move – they probably won’t get too far in the competition.
Season 23 Contestant: Laurie Hernandez {Olympic Gymnast}
Filling the Quota: Female athlete
Preceded by: Laila Ali (S4), Monica Seles and Kristi Yamaguchi* (S6), Misty May-Treanor (S7), Shawn Johnson* (S8), Natalie Coughlin (S9), Hope Solo (S13), Martina Navratilova (S14), Dorothy Hamill and Alexandra Raisman (S16), Lolo Jones (S19)
Usually Partnered With: Mark Ballas, Derek Hough, Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Notes: WE’RE NOT PLAYING COY, WE WANT THIS CINNAMON ROLL OF A HUMAN EMOJI TO GO ALL THE WAY AND WIN THAT MIRROR BALL TROPHY
Season 23 Contestant: James Hinchcliffe {Racecar Driver}
Filling the Quota: Reality TV/Internet Person/WHO?
Preceded by: Hayes Grier (S21), Mark Cuban (S5), Rocco DiSpirito (S7), Steve-O (S8), Jake Pavelka (S10), Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino (S11), Carson Kressley and Rob Kardashian (S13), Sean Lowe (S16),
Usually Partnered With: Emma Slater, Peta Murgatroyd, Karina Smirnoff
Notes: Although this person has plenty of fans, the contestant has a lot of work to do in the dance studio. He gets frustrated often and knows how to be dramatic in front of a camera. Also, I have no idea who this person is.
Season 23 Contestant: Ryan Lochte {Olympic Swimmer}
Filling the Quota: Male athlete who has to overcome adversity
Preceded by: Michael Sam (S20), Michael Waltrip (S19), Keyshawn Johnson (S17), Jacoby Jones and Victor Oritz (S16), Donald Driver (S14)*, Metta World Peace (S13), Sugar Ray Leonard and Hines Ward (S12)*, Rick Fox (S11), Chad Ochocinco (S10), Warren Sapp (S7), Helio Castroneves* (S5), Apolo Anton Ohno (S4), Emmitt Smith (S3)*
Usually Partnered With: Witney Carson, Karina Smirnoff, Cheryl Burke, Lindsay Arnold
Notes: Apparently Lochte was in talks to do the show before the who #LochteGate happened, so this just happens to be serendipitous timing. He wouldn’t be the first star to help fix their reputation – remember racist Paula Deen? She made it to 9th place and bested four other contestants!
Other Random Quotas Not Filled This Season:
Female Models: Rachel Hunter (S1), Shanna Moakler (S3), Kathy Ireland (S9), Petra Němcová and Elisabetta Canalis (S13), Charlotte McKinney (S20)
Middle-Aged Actor That Were Somewhat Relevant At Some Point In Their Career: John O’Hurley (S1), Joey Lawrence and Mario Lopez (S3), Ian Ziering (S4), Ralph Macchio (s12)
Younger Actress: Alexa PenaVega (S21), Rumer Willis (S20)*, Janel Parrish (S19), Chelsea Kane (S12), Sabrina Bryan (S5), Monique Coleman (S3), Kelly Monaco* (S1)
Most likely to be on cover of CosmoGirl or Teen People: Willow Shields (S20), Sadie Robertson (S19) Bethany Mota (S19), Zendaya (S16)
Pop star and-or actor/has plenty of dance experience/ringer: Nick Carter (S21), Alfonso Ribeiro (S19)*, Corbin Bleu (S17), Aaron Carter (S9), Lance Bass (S7), Mario (S6), Joey Fatone (S4), Drew Lachey (S2)*, Joey McIntyre (S1)
Season 21 Predictions: Final Three – Laurie Hernandez, Jana Kramer, and Jake T. Austin
Cookies + Sangria 