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Academy Awards 2015: Best and Worst Dressed

Posted in Entertainment, Outfit Girl by

The 2015 Awards Season finally came to an end last night as Neil Patrick Harris sang and danced his way into our homes, Birdman “flew high” with a lot of awards and all the punny headlines, and Adele Dazeem finally got back at Glom Gazingo, who managed to be even creepier than ever before.

So as we take one last look at last night’s Oscars (which you can relive with our live blog here), we break down our favorite and not-so-favorite looks from Hollywood’s big night. Did your faves make the cut? Or were they snubbed like The Lego Movie and everything is actually not awesome?

Best Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Margot Robbie in Saint Laurent

Usually a black dress wouldn’t make my list, but we were seeing so much white and color last night that it was refreshing. This was like a modern take on the 1930s vamp look, and the red lip and vintage ’30s tassel necklace added just enough color. Sometimes loose hair can look too undone at the Oscars, but at this length it’s perfect.

Rosamund Pike in Givenchy

I’m in the fashion minority, but I don’t really like contour dresses. They always make me think of wearing a dress that has an outline of where a skinnier person could fit. But that’s when they do a full-body effect. The satin inserts draw her waist in, but it’s not obvious. I keep zooming in to look at the texture. They always say it’s hard to wear red on the red carpet, but it was a gamble worth taking here.

Lupita Nyong’o in Calvin Klein Collection

Only Lupita is so lovely and precious that she would wear a dress made entirely of pearls. You know, because she’s a pearl of a girl. Hi. I’m your grandpa. The light hit this beautifully. One article called this a Josephine Baker look and it totally is – 1920s but not a full flapper getup or anything. Also I cannot imagine how uncomfortable it must be to wear a dress made of 6,000 pearls.

Reese Witherspoon in Tom Ford

In some lights this was white, in others ice blue. Anyone want to weigh in? I’m on the “ever so slightly blue” side myself, but not in this photo. In any event, on a night when beading and tulle seemed to be the order of the day (not complaining!) this simple look was a nice change of pace. Witherspoon was promoting the #AskHerMore campaign last night, by the way, so for once we actually got to hear more questions about her portrayal of the awesome Cheryl Strayed and fewer questions about her ensemble.

Jennifer Lopez in Elie Saab

The rest of my true Top 5 is covered in Traci’s list below, so why not cover someone who ALMOST made the cut? J.Lo always looks like some sort of modern princess, but the asymmetrical beading/accent work keeps her from looking too Cinderella/Belle/Whatever. If I had a magic wand I’d lose about an inch of fabric from the bottom – the pooling is nice but it was hard for her to walk in. And I’d put that inch of fabric on the inside of the neckline – the plunge is fantastic but it’s just thatmuch too bare on the inside.

 

Traci’s Picks

Anna Kendrick in Thakoon

Oh goddess that is Anna Kendrick. This is one of my favorite looks from her – ever. The coral color is a perfect compliment to her paler complexion and the halter/keyhole combo is simple yet elegant and on point for the Oscars. She really is a princess.

Jennifer Aniston in Versace

Just call this Jen’s ‘Suck it for not nominating me’ gown. Despite the fact she got left out of the running this year, she still managed to look better than a lot of the other nominees in this stunning gold beaded gown. It’s a simple strapless dress, but the swooping lines and shiny touches are just enough to make you admire in awe.

Emma Stone in Elie Saab

OSCAR NOMINEE Gemma Skrones (I honestly can’t stop saying her name like that ever since Andrew Garfield called her that) is looking divine in this lime green *backless* number from Elie Saab. Paired with her gorge hair, it’s a great modern day take on old school Hollywood glamour, and I’m into it.

David Oyelowo in Dolce & Gabanna

The men’s trend this year was Not Black Tuxes, there were a handful of white suits (see Grand Budapest Hotel contingent) and Jared Leto Lavender, but nothing compared to David Oyelowo. Like Jennifer Aniston before him, David opted to wear his ‘suck it’ suit, and went with a bold dark red (crimson?) suit by Dolce & Gabbana that made him stand out from the crowd, despite the fact he didn’t get a nomination. But listen, I think Selma and everyone involved won the moment John Legend and Common stepped on the stage. So win/win.

Zoe Saldana in Atelier Versace

This champagne dress is beautifully made on its own, but add that to the fact that Zoe produced two – TWO – humans a mere three months ago and she managed to go on the red carpet and look like this. Hot freaking mama.

Honorable Mentions: Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka in hot couple suits and Faith Hill in J. Mendel (I still can’t get over how well accessorized she is with that necklace)

Worst Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Marion Cotillard in Dior

I really loved this until she turned around and I saw the butt-panel, too.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Ralph & Russo

Apparently Gwyneth is 42, which is not at all old, but I always think of her as a 20-something because she imprinted in my head during the Shakespeare In Love era. This dress is the same color as her iconic pink Oscar gown, and I almost really like it except that the shoulder reminds me of cabbage. Otherwise flawless.

Lady Gaga in Alaia

First of all, I know that it’s Lady Gaga so we aren’t really judging her on the same criteria as everyone else. Still, I saw this and my heart sank a little. You haven’t been hearing that much about her, and then she shows up in dishwashing gloves. I was never a superfan but I always thought she seemed like such a nice gal and I was hoping for a career reboot. Then she KILLED the Sound Of Music tribute and this look faded to the recesses of my memory.

Keira Knightley in Valentino

She’s pregnant, so it doesn’t even seem fair to place her on this list. If I’m ever pregnant I’m probably going to be dressed in sweatpants and frustration from the moment my clothes stop fitting. But the scalloped bodice and floaty florals look like a maternity flower girl dress. Knightley looked gorge at the Vanity Fair party, so she ended the evening on a high note. And dress aside, holy cow, she really IS glowing.

Scarlett Johansson in Versace

I have relatives who STILL buy me things in green because when I was a kid it was my favorite color. It’s weird to have a favorite color as an adult, but I still love it. And this dress is the perfect shade for ScarJo, and it’s really well-tailored, too. But then that necklace looks like it was poached from a Muppet’s neck-ruff or something. So close/so far.

 

Traci’s Picks

Julianne Moore in Chanel

I’d like to preface this by saying I adore Julianne Moore and think she deserves all the accolades and praise she’s received over the years, especially with her first Oscar last night. But. Woof. It’s not an ‘Oscar-winning dress’ and it’s really not a dress that anyone should wear. ever. The beading is impressive, however the design itself is no bueno. She should’ve gone with a green dress like from the SAGs earlier this year.

Laura Dern in Alberta Ferretti

Once a Gladiator, Always a Gladiator. In a literal suit of armor.

Felicity Jones in Alexander McQueen

Felicity seems like a delightful, British gal, but it’s almost as if she took one of those fashion design stencil plates and mix and matched a top and bottom that don’t actually go together. A for effort though, I guess.

Behati Prinsloo in Armani Prive

I never get how models can just not hit the mark on the red carpet. It’s their actually job to sell clothes, but when they wear a dress like this, it’s hard to sell. And the thing is that she’s a beautiful girl, but with that weird large necklace and slicked back hair, none of it is working for her.

Blanca Blanco

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I don’t really know who this is. I don’t know who designed her dress. But this is like Cinna’s first draft of Katniss’ Girl on Fire gown but decided it was too disgusting for the Games.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: John Travolta in this chain necklace. What in the world.
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Golden Globes 2015 – Best and Worst Dressed

Posted in Entertainment, Outfit Girl by

With the Golden Globes last night, we’re officially in awards season mode. Queens Tina and Amy made their third and final appearance as hosts, our love for Amal ‘The dress is Dior Couture by the gloves are my own’ Clooney grew even more, and for some reason, the tears were flowing so much that you’d think we had watched the last 8 hours of Titanic during the show.

That being said, the Globes came and went as fast as Leo DiCaprio’s model girlfriends, and with the 2015 ceremony behind us, we’re picking our hits and misses on the red carpet. Are your faves on the list?

Best Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Amal Clooney in Dior

The dress was vintage Dior. The gloves were her own. She accessorized with a Je Suis Charlie pin. You win the night, Amal. I appreciate an understated look with one fashion risk tossed in, erring on the side of classy risk (gloves) not tacky (crotch-high slits).

 

Kate Beckinsale in Elie Saab

So, I’ve never thought to myself “Kate Beckinsale: fashion icon” – more like “Kate Beckinsale: which one is she?” because I always have to think about who she is vs. Kate Bosworth. But Beckinsale keeps nailing it on the red carpet, so I have a feeling I’ll be a lot better at remembering which one she is in the future. This is the rare gown that – if you click through to the source – actually looks better on her than it did on the runway, with the neckline altered to be slightly less plunging. I love the dark nails, clean makeup, and after several years of tousled waves on the red carpet, even the tidy updo is refreshing.

Salma Hayek in Alexander McQueen

I was about to write this off as too bridal at first. But honestly, brides WISH they could look this good. This is how a fairly simple design concept can look amazing: perfect tailoring, an interesting brocade fabric, and accessories – it wouldn’t work without that belt. If I could change anything, I’d ditch the bridal-white clutch and swap the dainty silver bangle for a thinner, more solid bracelet.

Julianne Moore in Givenchy

Usually sequins and feathers would get a big “no, not really” from me. But leave it to the preferred designer of Audrey Hepburn to nail it with a minimalist neckline and bodice and silvery ombre.

Matt Bomer in Ralph Lauren Black Label

Okay, boys. THIS is how you do non-black Black Tie. In a decade’s time, these ’50s-influenced, slim-cut tuxedos are going to look so 2010s. I don’t even care. I’m so over those schlumpy, baggy tuxedo pants that look like they could be concealing a diaper.

Honorable Mention: Quvenzhane Wallis in Armani – that little munchkin is dressed exactly how an 11-year-old nominated for her performance in Annie should be. And Tina Fey’s tuxedo, because good Lord, that wasn’t even fair.

Traci’s Picks

Diane Kruger in Emilia Wickstead

Golden Globe Awards? More like SILVER Globe Awards, amirite?? Diane was just one of the many stars wearing a shimmery silver last night, including Julianne Moore, Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Lopez, Dakota Johnson, etc. etc. But I think Diane wore it best – it’s not too outlandish like JLo’s, but it’s also not as simple as Reese’s. There’s more too it than just a gown. It has depth and lines – but let’s be real, if anyone else wore this, it wouldn’t look as good.

 

Emily Blunt in Michael Kors

She may not have walked away with an award last night, but Emily is certainly on the top of a lot of best dressed lists today. She looks like a goddess (said in my head with a British accent like ‘god-DESS’) in this flowing white gown. She paired it perfectly with the pop of color with her bracelet and earrings and a perfect braid atop her head. Flawless.

 

Chrissy Teigen in Zuhair Murad

Being a model, Chrissy has a penchant for hitting her red carpet look out of the park, and this was no exception. I feel like in person, this baby pink lace dress is even more impressive, and that makes me love it even more. And although John Legend won last night, Chrissy of course made her mark by getting caught making this face, and within minutes she was an internet meme. God bless.

 

Taylor Schilling in Ralph Lauren

As I’m typing this I just realized I also chose Taylor for one of my Best Dressed at the Emmys last year, so I guess she’s killing it on the red carpet as of late? Any type of gown that flares out like that reminds me of a classing Hollywood style, which is perfect for this event. It’s simple yet sexy, and if only she had changed her makeup a little, this would’ve been the perfect look.

 

Emma Stone in Lanvin

Boy, do I enjoy a good pantsuit. I love when ladies say ‘screw traditional women’s fashion – i’m gonna wear pants!’. (BTW best dressed not on my list includes Tina Fey in that tux that made me question my sexuality for a second). Anyways, Emma is the type of gal who can make this look classy yet fun, and that sash – THAT SASH is the perfect accessory. Also, pockets. What girl doesn’t love pockets?!

 

Worst Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Katie Holmes in Marchesa

This shape and color is perfect for the erstwhile Josephine Potter. So what’s the problem? Easy: that it’s one of those fabrics that creases in a not-so-attractive way when you wear it. I really feel for Katie Holmes here – how many of us have been there with something that looks awesome when you try it on, and becomes a wrinkly mess after 10 minutes of sitting and moving around?

Keira Knightley in Chanel

This is a dress worth breaking our usual taboo over having too much overlap on our lists. It’s like part Delia*s, part prom dress from The Virgin Suicides, part Wendy Darling’s nightgown. Hey, at least she tried something?

Conchita Wurst

Conchita Wurst’s fame hasn’t really reached U.S. shores yet, but I’m feeling pretty “you do you” about the beard. The internet might have room for fashion police, but not gender binary police. I just don’t like how the dress reminds me of a Halloween costume for Hot Rose Dewitt Bukater. There’s also some poor timing going on – it reminds me of that much-maligned green dress that took Twitter by storm last week.

Kristin Dos Santos in Walter Mendez

This cut makes her look weirdly bottom-heavy.  If you erase everything from a few inches above the knee on down the dress looks great, so there’s something screwy about how the mermaid effect was tailored.

Alan Cumming in Calvin Klein

What even is this?

Traci’s Picks

Lana Del Rey in Travilla

Looks like Lana’s living out of the waters, probably gonna go spend a day warm on the sand. Thingamabobs? She’s got twenty.

 

Jemima Kirk in Rosie Assoulin

I’m all for a cape but Jemima, who has always been known for her eccentric fashion style, looks like she was dressing up to be Queen Elsa for her kids and found some fabric leftover from 1989 to throw on as a top. Also, she looks exactly like Selina Meyers’ daughter Katherine in Veep, no?

 

Jill Soloway in this suit

Props to Transparent creator Jill for rockin this suit, but I feel like I’ve zoomed into a Magic Eye book.

 

Katie Cassidy in Black Canary couture 

I think Katie Cassidy thought she was going to prom last night… but prom in like 2002.

 

Kiera Knightley in Chanel 

I’ve never been pregnant, but I imagine picking a dress for a high-profile event like the Golden Globes could be particularly daunting. But Kiera’s always been a fashion forward-type gal, so one would assume her style tastes wouldn’t change once she got preggo. Unfortch, that didn’t happen. She looks like a tablecloth from a grandma’s summer home up in the Adirondacks. And I just noticed the huge butterfly bracelet. Ring? Purse? In the words of Miley, ‘Butterfly fly away’.

 

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Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2014: Things That Made Me Say WTF

Posted in Entertainment, Live Blogs, Outfit Girl by

It’s hard to believe that it’s been a whole year since I was made, let’s be honest, entirely perplexed and 100% jealous by the 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. But here we are again, with another night of impossibly attractive people, whimsical angel wings, bizarre segment concepts, and Taylor Swift. If the VS folks just aired the same show every year, how long do you think it would even take us to notice? Still, I managed to find a whole new set of things to make me say WTF this year.

Segment 1 : Screensavers

I don’t know, I think the theme is fancy screensavers. Or seizures. They’re just projecting flashy patterns on an LCD scrim.

As of three minutes in, I can’t be sure how many ladies have walked because they all look identical. Is this some sort of VS Fashion Show/ Orphan Black crossover? Because that, I would watch.

There’s one with brown hair, and they make her wear wings that are actually enormous puffed sleeves, like she’s the Anne Shirley of this joint.

All of these ladies have serious Leonardo DiCaprio’s Girlfriend hair.

Behind The Scenes #1

Models look pretty on airplanes. That’s the Truth I Didn’t Want To Face of the day.

Models on a plane.

Me on a plane.

Segment 2: Dreamgirls with Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift is performing in a nightgown from an Anne Rice story. It’s Blank Space, that song about lonely Starbucks lovers.
A model walks down the runway wearing wings made of trees from the Lorax. Or models of amoebas.
T.Swizzle serenades each one of the Walking Girls, like the emcee of this children’s beauty pageant in a documentary I once saw. And like the pageant children, the walking girls pretend to like it.

Karlie gets what appears to be rattan fly wings instead of angel wings. They make the girls who don’t get wings wear filmy capes. Do NOT piss off the guy who hands out the wings.

Behind the Scenes #2

I missed a minute and came in for a lady (some sort of layman?) calling the models “curvy and voluptuous”. Those words are as cringe-y as “moist” and “nosh.”

We learn about the “fantasy bra,” which is basically like if Rose Dewitt Bukater had a bra.

Segment 3: Exotic Traveler featuring Ed Sheeran

Sheeran isn’t singing that one song about the cold prostitute. But he is dressed like Ron Weasley at a Christmas Ball.

“Exotic traveler” means they’re dressed like porny Madame Alexander dolls. We have a gal in a Native American headdress, a chilly bullfighter, then a lot of neon shit that’s supposed to be … Brazil maybe?

One broad (Kelly Gale?) has a plastic printed skirt that looks like she’s representing whatever part of the world Delia*s (RIP) is from.

Does Ed Sheeran have a tattoo of sunglasses on his forearm?

I think one model (Daniela Braga) is representing Fraggle Rock.

Behind the Scenes #3

A model (Candice? Behati?) compares reaching the end of the runway to scoring a touchdown. Fitting, because I compare watching the VS Fashion Show to the Superbowl. You’re watching genetically gifted people do what they’re made for, but you still sit back and armchair quarterback it anyway.

Ariana Grande wants to “spank a booty;” I continue to not get it about booties.

I missed about a minute of commercial time when I could have been brushing my teeth and letting my dog out, because I didn’t realize that this hour-long commercial had gone to commercial.

Segment 4: University Of Pink featuring Ariana Grande

“Bigger fan to de-arm this… and if your rhythm is needy ga ha harm me holla holla holla baby”: What I hear in Ariana Grande’s lyrics. Girl, ENUNCIATE.

Putting her next to 6-foot models really highlights that Ariana Grande is awfully Ariana Pequeña.

Ariana Grande is wearing a Lisa Frank skirt.

My B.A. isn’t from the University of Pink, but at my college there were a lot more hoodies and uggs.

Oh. There are backup dancers dressed like an early 2000s Missy Elliot. Which works, because everything Grande sings sounds like the lyrics that came after “put that thing down, flip it and reverse it.”

Behind The Scenes #4

Doutzen tells us that it takes a year to make the wings. Damn. Monica Something, the layman who was talking before, talks up the wings as well.

Segment 5: Fairy Tale featuring Hozier

I love Hozier but this is a weird combo, right? The setup is very Hansel and Gretel, Black Forest-y. Hozier is just kind of there, singing soulfully, and the models walk past him without making eye contact like he’s a busker and their train is coming.

Monica Whatever was right, though. These wings are gorgeous.

Behind The Scenes # 5

Russell James is an Australian photographer who is “like a monkey on the set” and “likes to push us a little bit,” but in a pranky George Clooney way, not in a skummy Terry Richardson way.

He has photographed an entire book of the angels – titled Angels – which would make the perfect Christmas gift for the lady in your life who really needs her self-esteem knocked down a peg or two.

Behind The Scenes #6

Karlie Kloss discusses her love of ballet, because in case you forgot, she’s lovelier than you. She dances (beautifully, of course) with a guy in a Puffy Shirt.

Segment 6: Taylor Swift, Redux

Swiftie is sort of like the Mama (Chicago) or Mama Rose (Gypsy) of this segment.

There are like 10 times more models than I saw during the entire show so far.

Too many models. I’m gonna go do squats and crunches for the next forever, bye.

Doutzen Kroes looks like Denise Richards, if Denise Richards were about to cry.

Do the do full face transplants if you aren’t’ technically disfigured? Asking for a friend.

Finale

It honestly looks like this is the most fun these models have all year, since this sort of goofiness isn’t allowed on any other runway, ever.

There are so many balloons, it’s like the telethon episode of Full House.

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Gay Apparel: Fashion Inspiration From 90s Christmas Movies

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90s fashion is – like it or not – totally in. And so is Christmas. So for the 2014 Yuletide Season, let’s take all our fashion cues from Christmas movies of the 1990s, shall we?

Home Alone (1990)

When I was watching Home Alone with some nephews last week, I told them that this movie showed how people dressed when their mom and I were kids. Then, I realized that everyone looked almost exactly like they do now. Not sure if this is because we’ve 360’d back to 1990 fashion, because the costume designers aimed for a timeless  look, or a bit of both.

There’s a lot of fashion here, so let’s take it category by category:

Outerwear

Please, try to suppress your rage at Kevin’s garbage family for the next few moments so we can focus on their outfits. Here’s what I’m seeing. A baseball-style coat on Buzz, a few of Kate Middleton-worthy cranberry-colored jackets, cheerful Fair Isle-type scarves, and some heavier coats that you can probably still buy from Patagonia or North Face. All outerwear that is entirely appropriate for winter 2014-2015.

The best, though, is Kevin’s tan parka with the red-green plaid flannel lining. And that knit reindeer hat? I’ll take one in an adult size, please.

Loungewear

No, you’re not looking at the early 90s J.C. Penney Christmas catalog. The garbage McCallisters are serving some serious pajama here, and I think we could stand to recreate it. I’d wear Kevin’s robe and PJs with the contrasting white piping. And how about those nightgowns? What do we have to do to bring those back?

I bet Fuller and the cousin over Kev’s shoulder are still wearing those same glasses, but now in an ironic hipster-y way.

Sweaters Forever

If left home alone, all of the little boys I know would remain in whatever they woke up in that morning because they “can’t find their clothes.” Even if they woke up on top of or next to their clothes. But not Kevin. Kevin appreciates a good chunky-knit sweater, and what can I say? So do we.

Turtlenecks Forever-ever

Turtlenecks are so silly (looks-wise) and practical (warmth-wise) that I kind of want to start wearing them again. But do I dare wear them under a button-up like Kev’s garbage relative?

Novelty Prints

My memories of 1990 are sketchy at best, but I do recall wearing a lot of silly, loud prints. To preserve the timeless aesthetic, the Home Alone costumers stuck to muted tones and L.L. Bean-y cuts instead of the neon monstrosities that most of us were wearing. Um. I would wear Fuller’s exact shirt. And maybe the glasses.

Miracle On 34th Street (1994)

Look At All These Freaking Coats

Obviously Susan’s mother made some serious bank, because I doubt most New Yorkers could even afford an apartment that would house this many beautiful, classic wool coats.

Everyone. There were more coats. It’s important that you know that there were even more coats, but I had to stop myself.

Ain’t No Collar Like A Peter Pan Collar Cause A Peter Pan Collar Don’t Pop

Like the costume designers of Home Alone, the folks behind Miracle on 34th Street aimed for a timeless production. And nothing quite says “timeless” like the Peter Pan collar — the collar that will never grow up, if you will.

I just feel like everyone’s all “oh, Zooey Deschanel, she’s the queen of the Peter Pan collar,” but long before Mara Wilson was a funny, relateable 20-something writer, she was doing big things for the Peter Pan collar industry.

While You Were Sleeping (1995)

Warm Stuff

Chicago is cold, but when you have a floppy knit tam or a newsboy cap, you won’t feel the chill. It was true in 1995 and is true 19 years later.

Ouch. Writing that “19 years later” part hurt a little.

Knit Stuff

Everybody had a chunky, oversized oatmeal-colored sweater, probably from The Gap or, like Barbara Moss or whatever. They were cozy as hell.


What’s so 90s about this? In addition to the thick chain stitch on Sandy’s sweater, I’m pretty sure it’s cropped, so it would fit right in now. Not like an above-the-belly-button thing, but this look where they were … my friend and I used to call them “awkwardly short.” Hitting right around your natural waist, so that if you raised your arms you were in trouble. Or you would have been, but it was 1995 and you were wearing a bodysuit so it was fine.

Ruggedly Handsome Stuff

Yes, please, gentlemen of 2014.

Stuff We’d Rather Forget

Nobody ever talks about this when they talk about 90s fashion, but there was this thing for a while where we were all like “fuck it, I’m just gonna put a rosette on this.” Seriously. Around this time my First Communion dress had a sailor collar that met in a rosette and to this day if you try to tell me I wasn’t hot shit, I will not hear it.

The Preacher’s Wife (1996)

This movie makes me want to lift my hands in praise … for its wardrobe department. Whitney looks like a Central Park ice skater from a Currier and Ives print. Really. The costume designers on The Preachers Wife are angels sent to bestow gifts on humankind. Proof: Denzel Washington dressed like a handsome man from the 1990s dressed like a handsome man from the 1940s.

So, I really like Whitney’s ensemble here. But I also have to note that if you were a preacher’s wife or a Catholic school teacher in the mid-90s, you definitely wore that front-button dress/ turtleneck combo into the ground. Still, as the weather turns chillier I find myself more and more into the long skirt/dress with boots look.

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Capitol Couture: Real or Not Real?

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The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 comes out today and if you’ve read the books, you know that this final installment is a far cry from the first two. There are no Games, and it’s all about a revolution, baby. Katniss and Gale are in District 13 plotting to take over the Capitol while Peeta and Johanna are all up in the Capitol being brainwashed by President Snow, who has clearly taken his last name to a whole new level:

{source}

When these ads first came out, it was a reminder that whoever is running the marketing/advertising/PR campaign for these films is a genius. The accompanying ‘address’ from President Snow lit’rally gave me chills the first time I saw it because I was suddenly transported to Panem and quickly went to grab my bow and arrow before I realized it wasn’t real and I didn’t have to go fight in the revolution. But it’s great that they make you feel like you’re actually part of this messed up dystopian world, and it obviously engages fans to be more involved and hyped up to see the actual movie.

The campaign for the entire HG series runs deep, but one of my favorites is the Capitol Couture website. In the series, the Capitol is know for its extravagance and outlandish fashion and trends – just look at Effie Trinket who is one of the craziest of them all. Despite the fact her fashion isn’t up to par in Mockingjay, the other people of the Capitol have to keep up appearances, and they get all their fashion tips from the Capitol Couture website.

It fascinates me how detailed each post is, and the lengths they go to make it seem like this is a real world of fashion. Here are just some of the insane featured fashions featured on the site – and who knows, maybe you can try being a trendsetter outside of Panem (I wouldn’t suggest it though).

Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and imagine myself as one of Panem’s glittering skyscrapers—and dress accordingly. I totter on my eight-inch Lucite heels and refresh my chrome-flecked lip gloss every hour on the hour. In the Capitol, fashion is a chance to role-play as animals or architecture, to assume grand proportions in outlandish silhouettes and even to express a tendency to unravel. {designs by Thom Browne}

“If jewelry isn’t your thing, take a cue from our suave Victor Peeta Mellark and incorporate those metallic elements elsewhere, like a sculptural gold pocket square. “

The most macabre chic in fashion today by Anouk Wipprecht

“The main carrier and perspective of the conference is women in the war,” makeup artist Mao Geping has noted of his themes. While Panem may be celebrating seventy-five years of blissful peace, this meticulous and ridiculous display of metals and petals has us ready to charge into battle.

Designer Peter Popps’ architectural background shines brazenly in his strikingly innovative creations;  to Circle’s District 6 influences of “transportation by magnets”, Popps delivers glimpses of the future mixed with design elements of the past.

Burgeoning designer Noa Raviv (who engineers in District 3 have been clamoring to get their hands on)… Mixing 2D textiles and 3D printed objects, Raviv’s Hard Copy collaborative collection was brought to life in collusion with Stratasys—a manufacturer of cutting-edge 3D printing devices and software. Capitol Couture salutes Noa Raviv and Stratasys for their collaborative efforts and their continuing commitment to the united vision of One Panem.

Photographer/videographer Nick Knight unites with model Alexia Wight and couturier Lady Amanda Harlech for an unique look at the marriage of art and science- a subtle homage to the collaborative efforts of Districts 1,2, and 8 in the latest Peacekeeper armor redesign.

A product of designer Argyle Witt and a team of nano-technicians working in the Capitol’s most sophisticated labs, these multi-task bots can be worn during day or night. Pre-set functions include skin cleansing and exfoliation, pigment infusion, body structuring, and the creation of absolutely unique pieces of wearable art… Three individual pieces can be fabricated before material depletion, giving the most discerning of Capitol fashionistas a few choices. Says Witt, “Every woman should feel like she’s one in a million. With these bots, we give her the luxury and the look to do so.”

 

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Fairest Of The Fair: Winning Miss America Fashions Of The 90s

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I have a long history of not caring about the Miss America pageant. My mom went into labor with me while watching Miss America with my older sister. I waited to be born until it had been over for several hours. I guess I was holding out to share a birthday with Nas, Margaret Sanger, and Amy Winehouse instead. Seemed more badass.

Maybe because it was part of my personal mythology, I usually watched Miss America during my formative years – the 90s. Yet even as a little kid, it was easy to see that for Miss America contestants, it was still the 80s. The decade of Dynasty held on in the pageant world long after everyone else was dressing more like Chandler Bing or Joey Potter.  The 90s were a decade of performance fabrics and wash-and-go hair, but these Miss America winners were all hairspray, sequins, and razzmatazz!

1991: Marjorie Judith Vincent

I am shocked that Miss America 1991 was sporting such a smooth, restrained hairstyle. But obviously she wanted all eyes on that dress. It’s safe to say this gal really stunned the competition. As in, this is the dress version of a flare gun, it is so bright and dazzling. Pretty color, though.

Note: the 1991 Miss America was actually crowned in 1990. Miss Americas (Misses America?) are titled after the year they will rein. Wait. Rein? Still not that interested, guys.

1992: Carolyn Suzanne Sapp

Now we’re talking. It’s like if an evil swan queen played starting receiver.

1993: Leanza Cornett

For comparison’s sake, 1993 is the year Meg Ryan sported chunky sweaters and slouchy jeans in Sleepless in Seattle. Meanwhile in pageant world, Miss America was dressed like the grand marshal of the Easter Parade. In Las Vegas. In 1984. I’ve heard that shoulder pads are supposed to make your waist and hips look smaller in comparison, but this just looks like she has bony growths.

1994: Kimberly Clarice Aiken

Call me crazy, but this one is almost modern. The hair is a little high, as is the dress slit, and there’s some sheer mesh happening, but this looks almost like a dress of the 2000s – well, definitely more 90s than 80s, anyway. Well done, Miss Aiken (Queen Aiken? Not sure).

1995: Heather Whitestone

Time to break my Miss America cool. I was so excited when Heather Whitestone won. She was the first deaf Miss America, and I’m pretty sure there was a feature about her in Weekly Reader, those filmy magazines teachers used to hand out on Friday afternoons because they were sick of us. Anyway, she looks like she’s about to trot down a different aisle after this and become Mrs. America. This is a bridal gown, right?

1996: Shawntel Smith

GOLD. Finally, a group shot. Miss America is the woman in the crown at center, surrounded by the other ladies who are pretending to be happy at her. She has full, majestic Kapowski bangs. But to see the real vestiges of the 80s, I want you to look to the far left, at the gal with the poodle bangs, and far right, at the puffy, towering blond perm.

1997: Tara Dawn Holland

If you land on her space, you get to skip through the Peppermint Stick Forest, over the Snowflake Lake all the way to the Ice Cream Sea!

1998: Kate Shindle

These mega-highcut bathing suit bottoms went out of style with Day-Glo and side ponytails, but not at the Miss America pageant! Usually you don’t see such high-waisted drawers on someone under the age of 85. However, sometimes when magazines do features on picking the right bathing suit for your body-type, they still suggest high-cut bottoms for ladies with wide hips, because I guess the best way to camouflage that is to wear a bathing suit that exposes your entire hip area.

1999: Nicole Johnson

Beyonce hadn’t invented the wind fan yet at this point, so that big ol’ hair is held up by hairspray and a whole lot of ratting.

2000: Heather French

Blanche always was the hot Golden Girl, and frankly, I can’t blame Miss America for taking a page from her hair style book. This was truly a Miss America to lead us into the new millennium – with the tousled locks of a retiree from the late 1980s.

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Questionable Outfits At New York Fashion Week

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Ah, another Fashion Week in the Big Apple comes to an end, and if you listen closely, you’ll be able to hear the chewing sounds of models eating solid food for the first time after juicing for the past week. All the biggest designers brought their A-game to the runways (or in Opening Ceremony’s case, the Met), showing fashionistas what’s hot for Spring 2015. And according to what I’ve been seeing, what’s hot for Spring 2015 is Kendall Jenner.

And of course, NYFW was bursting with celebrities and socialites and important fashion Anna Wintour-type folks in the front row of every runway show. Designers need these people in the front row not only to draw attention to their showcase but in most cases, show off their on designs on household(ish) names. But what happens when some of those designs are total duds? It happens folks. And the irony is not lost. While a lot of front row-ers looked absolutely fab, here are some of my picks for the most questionable looks at this year’s NY Fashion Week:

Rihanna at Alexander Wang

Are bucket hats back in? Are these poncho/rain slickers back in too? Are we secretly looking at the first image of RiRi in a Missy Elliott video? WHAT YEAR IS IT, PEOPLE??

Ciara at Polo Ralph Lauren

But Ciara doesn’t actually have her name embroidered on the back of her shirt, does she? Like she thinks she’s been out of the game that long? Maybe if she puts her Members Only jacket back on it will be better. No. Probs not.

Elizabeth Berkley at Polo Ralph Lauren

Fun fact: Elizabeth’s husband is Ralph Lauren’s nephew, which is why it’s not that weird she’s at his show. What IS weird is that she looks like a Circus ringmaster for the Army surplus store.

Rosario Dawson at Opening Ceremony

Is it because I’m 90 years old or are these leotard + sheer skirt things becoming more and more popular? I just cannot get on this bandwagon.

Rihanna at Altuzarra

Yeah… putting a fringe jacket over said leotard doesn’t make it any better. Like what exactly is Ri wearing under that??

Coco Rocha at Christian Siriano

Look, I’m all for a nice tailored suit for a hot androgynous look for girls, but it’s difficult for me to support this bright sparkly Christmas red outfit.

Rihanna at Adam Selman

RI RI. You look like a baby dressing up in your mom’s clothes. (Am I being too harsh? I’m just confused, is all)

 Hannah Simone at Monique Lhuillier

Hannah Simone, CeCe of New Girl, is a beautiful, gorgeous gal. Which is why I was torn putting this on here. But this strapless jumpsuit is too embellished for my liking. If I were wearing it I’d be so scared I’d catch a bead on a table corner or something then everything would fall to bits. This is why I don’t own expensive clothes. That and the money thing.

 

Zoe Kazan and Morgan Saylor at Rachel Comey

I’m looking at you Zoe Kazan. Her dress reminds me of 4th grade math where we had to use graph paper all the time. Was that 4th grade? Idk, but Zoe probs got her shoes from when I was in 4th grade too. (Shout out to Morgan Saylor who I still can’t believe is annoying Dana from Homeland)

Jessica Lowndes at Houghton

I’m still not really sure who Jessica Lowndes is. She’s one of those people I look up on iMDb and immediate forget where she’s from or what she does. Anyways, her pants are too big.

Bella Thorne at Jeremy Scott

In Bella’s defense, Jeremy Scott is known for his colorful, out of this world, downright weird clothing and designs, so this shouldn’t be a surprise. But… come onnnn.

Miley Cyrus at Jeremy Scott

That’s Jeremy Scott with some girl he picked up at the local marijuana dispensary hot gluing fuzzy bears to headbands.

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Model Students: A Look Back at Saved by the Bell Fashion

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One of the best parts of watching Saved by the Bell in present day is getting to comment on the absolutely unbelievable 90s fashion that was paraded around on the show. Because the sitcom centered on a group of teens, they had to wear what the teens were wearing back in the day. Just like the video yearbook the gang left for the Class of 2003, the show itself leaves us with a time capsule of what it was like to be hip and cool in the early 90s. And as thankful as we are for the treasure trove of bad/good fashion, that doesn’t stop us from making our own commentary on it. Here are just a few select styles the Bayside bunch wore throughout their time on our TV screens.

T: Apparently at this photo shoot, Mario was the only one who was running hot because he clearly needed to unbutton his shirt for all to see. You don’t see Dustin complaining in his abstract painting shirt or Zack whining in his surprisingly normal outfit. Someone get a Beyonce fan on Lopez.

M: Something about the cut of Zack’s t-shirt makes him look like his torso is on backwards. Something we never talk about when we talk about 90s clothes: those big-ass sneakers everyone wore. Look at Slater and Zack. Those are some “me and my retiree church group are taking a bus tour of Germany” sneakers.

T: I remember watching SBTB as early as 1st grade, so I was a little younger than the teenagers at Bayside High. Therefore, the first impression I had of high school was that of these kids. Yeah, the ones you see up there. Is this what teens really wore back then? All I’m saying is that if I had to pick one of these people to be the “trendsetter” of the group, it definitely would NOT be Lisa. She’s the one who is super into shopping and fashion and even goes to college for it, but judging by this alone, one would think she’s practicing to become one of the ticket takers at a Broadway theater.

M: OH LORDY. Lisa is seriously in Playbill Yellow. She reminds me of Claudia Kishi, who was supposed to be “into fashion” as well, but that meant she’d wear Lisa’s outfit here with homemade clay bee earrings and a bracelet that encased her hand in an entire, active beehive. There’s a lot going on here, but I also want to take a moment for Mario’s jeans, which make him look like he’s rocking a full diaper.

T: Remember when aerobics were really popular in the 80s/90s? I blame Jane Fonda. For that fad and this look. No one wears these bright, spandex, outfits to the gym anymore, right? IDK I hate the gym.

M: Not sure, because everything I wear at the gym could also be worn by a child at PE class or field day. But I wish I had these outfits. If anyone wants to buy me a spandex crop-top workout suit, I will wear it to work out and post photos. I think this was the 90s version of wearing fun sneakers to go running so you hate it a little less. But what is the function of those belts? YOU ARE WEARING SPANDEX. It should hold itself up just fine.

T: Technically this is some kind of press tour the cast did to promote the show, but can we all just take a minute to admire what exactly is going on here. MPG and TAT (Mark Paul Gosselaar & Tiffani Amber Theissen, obvs) are being the heartthrobs that they are and smiling and looking directly into the camera with their fresh to death outfits, Mario Lopez is still getting the hang of this celebrity thing and Dustin Diamond is looking off into the distance and has spent the past hour trying to find the gum he put in his pants pocket.

M: I know I was like 5, but how did I miss that this show was just Zack, Kelly, then a bunch of garbage people? Dustin looks like all of the boys in junior high whose moms would buy their uniform pants a size too big to “grow into them.” You really gotta hand it to 1992, when a beautiful teenage girl could appear in a bra top (a bustier, according to Selena RIP), and still somehow look frumpy.

T: Ok, so I lied. Lisa clearly is a trendsetter. She was the inspiration behind Seinfeld’s Puffy Shirt, right?

M: Look at the solid four inches of lace at the bottom of her white shorts! Damn. That is a LOOK.

T: Looking back on all these pix, it’s clearly Zack and Kelly that have the most timeless looks of them all, no? #IShipIt

M: I want Kelly Kapowski’s entire wardrobe and I’m not even sorry. Meanwhile, Spano looks like a travel agent who can never quite amass enough frequent flyer miles to escape from her existential ennui. Now that I know about Lark Voorhies’ religious beliefs, I find myself looking at every one of her outfits and going “maybe it’s because she’s a Jehovah’s Witness?” But it’s not like they have special underwear or anything.

T: For some context, this was the episode where Mr. Belding’s cool yet unreliable brother Rod shows up and promises to take the class on a trip white water rafting. This explains why Lisa’s wearing an all-camo shirt/skirt combo and holding a Louis Vuitton caboodle, and why Slater looks like he’s practicing to become one of the Village People.

M: Are they all going white water rafting in entirely different climates? Zack has on a fleece vest and a denim tuxedo, that one extra with the flat-top is in a sweatshirt that looks like a design you’d see on a pool raft, and Slater is dressed like a nice young mom catching fire flies with her children in a detergent commercial.

T: Slater’s jeans look super uncomfortable, but all I can think is that I want to find Lisa’s outfit and wear it for Halloween. Like what even is the inspiration behind this? TEXAS FOREVER 21, AMIRITE LADIES??

M: Early 90s trend that hasn’t come back yet: those dresses with the bodice that ended in a crotch triangle with the flouncy layered skirt attached. They were the thing when we were in kindergarten or so.

Screech looks like a sad quirky boy from a Wes Anderson movie.

T: I think everyone’s pissed off in this picture because they all realized they would go down in history as one of the most ridiculously dressed casts in TV. Also, a lot of denim on denim.

M: Photos of groups of people in the late 80s/early 90s almost give you a stress headache because there’s so much happening at once. Really weird to think this was at the same time as Seinfeld, where everyone looked sort of earth toned and beigey. We mentioned in our live blog of The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story that the kids looked way too modern. Turns out we were right: the costume designers didn’t even try. This is why teens today have such a warped idea of what the 90s really looked like.

I’m getting more and more confused as to why Lisa and Screech are supposed to be such a mismatched pair. Look at those getups. They are made for each other.

T: Okay, but like, Slater’s wearing those jeans again. Did they really not have a budget to buy different pants? Speaking of pants, Screech is definitely wearing those Zumbas (Zumbas?) like it’s his job. Ok well technically it is. I feel like he came out of the womb wearing those.

M: I hope he has a provision in his will that he has to be buried in those pants.

In conclusion:

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Emmy Awards 2014: Best & Worst Dressed

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Day 2 of our Back to TV Week, and we’re doing a follow up of the biggest night in TV. With another year, another Emmys down, and after capturing all of the shenans that happened last night on our blog (relive the magic here!), we’re giving our two cents on the looks that wowed us and the ones that made us maybe vom in our mouths a little. The trend was definitely red and white, and it makes me think everyone just wanted to pay homage to Game of Thrones and The Red Wedding. Get it? Red? White? Oh boy. Here are our choices for best and worst dressed. What are yours?

Molly’s Picks

Best Dressed

Amy Poehler in Theia

So, we’re all 5’2 here, right? No, just us and Amy Poehler? It’s hard to look like a beautiful shimmering statue when you’re on the shorter side but I think it’s safe to say Amy pulls it off here. I’m glad beachy waves have stuck around for another season because I’m not bored of them yet.

Alllison Williams in Giambattista Valli Couture

You can say that Allison Williams always plays it ind of safe and Disney Princess-y. But you can also say that she knows what works for her and sticks to it – and whenever actresses swing and miss on the red carpet, isn’t it because they failed to do just that?

Michelle Dockery in Rosie Assoulin

I love how this is colorful without being clowny, and young without being silly, and sophisticated without being stuffy. Another actress who knows what works for her and usually sticks with it.

Kiernan Shipka in Antonio Berardi

And on to the most consistently well-dressed actress working today! If this were gown-length it would have been awesome on an adult actress, but the length keeps it young. Hard to believe that Sally Draper will be driving legally before too long.

Lizzy Caplan in Donna Karan Atelier

While I’m trying to have as little overlap as possible on our lists so we can talk about as many dresses as we can – I cannot talk about the best dressed of last night without mentioning Lizzy Caplan. Today, as in Mean Girls, she deserves to be much more well-known than she is, but based on how she looked last night I don’t think that will be a problem for very long.

Honorable mention: Julia Louis-Dreyfus in Carolina Herrera – only not on my list because you’ll get to look at her later on.

Worst Dressed

Lena Dunham in Giambattista Valli

As I said in the live blog, Lena Dunham looks like she would do roller derby here. I think that Lena’s not an unattractive lady (and talented to boot!) but I often wish her clothes would be tailored better and that she’d stand up a bit straighter. Grandma, out.

Katherine Heigl

Grandma, in. Matronly and flesh-colored: not the best combo.

Laura Prepon in Gustavo Cadile

Has this entire summer been a plot to turn Alex Vause fans into Poussey Washington fans? Because it’s working.

Kerry Washington in Prada

I still can’t decide if this is truly among the worst, or just confusing. It looks like two entirely different, non-coordinating dresses at once. I cannot imagine being so beautiful that you can squander a major dress-up event like this on a weird dress because you know you have a whole lifetime of chances to look flawless ahead of you.

Mayim Bialik

A Fox News headline said Mayim wanted to look “hot and holy” – which considering the source, may be the exact opposite of the truth. Mayim’s into modesty, and that’s fine, but I think she could’ve erred a bit more towards the “hot” side of the equation and still been dressed appropriately.

Traci’s Picks

Best Dressed

Lizzy Caplan in Donna Karan Atelier

LIZZY. FREAKING. CAPLAN. I am in love with this look. The cut, the train, the hair, the makeup, everything. Lizzy isn’t exactly one of those actresses you think of when it comes to hitting home runs on the red carpet – mainly because she gets overlooked by ‘bigger celebrities’. But with an Emmy nomination to her name and this home run dress, she won’t be forgotten from now on.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus in Carolina Herrera

Hi. This woman is 53 years old. Like Lizzy, this entire look from head to toe is perfect. Up close (in pictures, obvs), this dress is a raspberry color, and her simple makeup reflects the same rosy color. Also the straps on the gown are patent leather, and so sick in the back. Definitely Emmy winner worthy.

Taylor Schilling in Zuhair Murad

While Taylor didn’t win, she certainly dressed as if she was going to. The symmetrical jeweled pattern all over the dress are to die and she looks like a fab Greek goddess.

Sarah Hyland in Christian Siriano

Sarah Hyland is usually a ‘meh’ dresser at awards shows for me. Like everything she picks is not horrible, but it’s not the best either. This however is the best thing I’ve ever seen her in. Designed by Project Runway winner Christian Siriano, this crop top matched with a flowing skirt is the perfect young adult look for Sarah, who is 23 IRL but plays like 19 on Modern Family. Again from her perfect bun to her makeup and accessories this is definitely one of the best from the night.

January Jones in Prabal Gurung

Attention ladies: this dress has POCKETS. Also, the skirt makes it look like Betty Draper is floating on air.

Honorable Mentions: Amy Poehler aka Beyonce aka Amy Pueblo in Theia and Anna Chlumsky in Zac Posen

Worst Dressed

Sarah Paulson in Armani Prive

Oh Sarah Paulson. I love you girl but… what? This looks like the top of a Philip Treacy fascinator exploded onto a black gown.

Laura Prepon in Gustavo Cadile

I get that Laura Prepon is a Scientologist (said in hushed tones), but even this is too outer spacey for the Emmys.

Lena Headey  In Rubin Singer

Ok, so this is another example of styling gone wrong. The dress itself is not horrible. It’s a little drab, but okay. But then the shoes look way too clunky on her. And her Pixie hair looks too tussled like she didn’t even try. Also where are the accessories?

Julianne Hough in Dsquared

I don’t understand why such a pretty girl like Julianne Hough usually chooses horrible dresses for awards shows (to her credit, she looked great at the VMAs on Sunday). She needs to get a new stylist because this is just not working. The dress, while it looks like a paper towel draped over her person, is not the WORST thing in the world, but matched with white pumps and messy hair, and a random green clutch, it just doesn’t go together.

Lena Dunham in Giambattista Valli Couture

Lena, Lena, Lena. It’s no surprise she’s on this side of the list. But here’s the thing about this look: A) she’s posing as if she’s doing a cover shoot for like Paper magazine B) The hair. It’s not even the blonde, it’s the cut of it. C) The top looks like something she (or bf Jack Antonoff) would wear, but paired with the skirt it looks a little weird. Something like this is what I think she looks great in, so maybe stay along those lines? Still thing you’re great, Lena.

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Say I Look So Good Tonight ***Beyonce Concert Fashion

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Last weekend I was #blessed enough to be in the presence of these two magical creatures for two and a half hours:

It was my first time seeing Beysus in concert, and since this post will not be a concert review, I will simply say that for about the first 10 minutes of the show, I stood there in awe. I could not believe Beyonce was real. I mean I was practically in the farthest possible seat I could be from her, but still, her aura took over the entirety of the Rose Bowl and I may or may not have teared up. It’s just emotions taking me over, y’all.

Anyways, I guess I should’ve figured this going into the concert, but it didn’t hit me until we were there – Beyonce fans DRESS UP. Like of course I’ve been to other gigs where girls dress like they’re going to velvet-rope-name-on-the-list-type-of club. But the fashion at a Beyonce concert combined with the venue that is LOS ANGELES is something that is beyond your wildest. Suffice it to say, I was nearly just as in awe with the fans as I was with Bey.

me & my girl caitlin couldn’t believe what we were witnessing. note: animated speech bubbles don’t actually come out of her head.

Let’s get one thing straight folks: You are not Beyonce. You’re not Yonce. You’re not even Bey. No one comes close to Beyonce, so let’s all be honest with ourselves and remember that simple truth. This fact is not to say that you can’t channel your inner Beyonce. We all want to be talented and confident in our own skin, but you have to do you.

Before I get into these pictures, I want to make it clear I’m not posting these to shame anyone, or make fun of them. I am just utterly fascinated by this subculture of fashion. I’m not putting anyone down for being brave enough to wear some of these outfits, because more power to you. But in all honesty, these people wouldn’t have dressed like this if they didn’t want at least a few people to take note. Now that that’s out of the way…

Los Angeles is not a fashion capital like New York, but you will definitely see people dressing up just to go to the nearest Whole Foods. Like, I’d say New York is more of where new style trends begin, and LA is where people try out new trends that just end up looking stupid. Does that make sense? What do I know, I’m no fashion expert.

What I do know is that I’ve been to a lot of concerts in my life, and I understand the desire to look good. I also understand the need to fit the genre of whatever type of concert you’re going to. E.G. wearing a cowboy hat at a country music concert, looking like a hipster/hippie/inappropriate Native American at Coachella, wearing a One Direction shirt and holding a One Direction sign at a One Direction concert, etc. etc. So naturally, a lot of people at the Beyonce/Jay Z concert dressed like Beyonce (Jay Z fans are too cool to wear anything that would distinguish them as a Jay Z fan).

Take for example, Pretty Little Liars star Shay Mitchell, who attended night 2 of 2 in LA, and wore this:

Shay, a highly influential, gorgeous actress on a teen drama with 4.2 million followers on Instagram, and probably had paparazzi on her that night, did her own take on this Beyonce look, so it makes a little bit more sense to dress as she did. And then there’s the woman below, who didn’t exactly nail it like Shay or Bey. The sheer knee highs is probably the most offensive of the entire outfit, because it makes her look more like a lady of the night than one of B’s backup dancers.

Also please take note of her platform heels. This was a big thing I noticed at the concert. I’d say a good 70 to 80% of girls I saw were wearing high heels. The concert was 2 and a half hours – I stood the entire time and my feet hurt from the wedge sneakers I was wearing. By the end of the night, as everyone was scrambling through patches of dirt and grass made slightly wet from the (unusual) rain that came down for about the last hour of the concert, the heels were digging into the earth, gals were clutching onto their men for support, some were even brave enough to go barefoot, and of course there were those girls who you could just tell were dying in their heels because there were 20 paces behind their group barely walking, focusing on each step and swaying back and forth as if they were drunk (I mean, they very well could have been).

So I took the photo below from Instagram, and you can check out this guy’s insta if you want, but honestly, his caption on this pic turned from hilarious to sexist in a hot second, so I mean, do what you will. He did get some good pix though, because I saw outfits just as bad as these. The top one not only illustrates the whole grabbing on for dear life because your feet are on fire theory, but it also shows the range of outfits that the ladies wore. The woman on the far left went for a more casual look with a shirt and jeans, while the lady in red went for a nice dress, and the girl she’s supporting… needs more support on the bottom. I mean those shorts look like Spanx, amirite, ladies?

And the gal on the bottom? Yeah… remember what I said about distinguishing your own self from Beyonce? Beyonce makes it look good. She is also a 17-time Grammy winner with a multi-million dollar empire, and released this (***Flawless) video without any publicity and still had a best-selling album, so she can wear this.
Again, I’m not trying to be mean here, but all of what this guy is wearing, I’m against. Like even if Shay Mitchell was wearing it, I wouldn’t be into it.

Alright, so there was this girl in our section who basically looked like the Asian girl in your 4th grade class who wore her hair in pigtails everyday. Except IRL, this chick was probably a college student. She was wearing short overalls with a bright neon pink bikini top that is probably from the Under Armor bathing suit collection. And she did the whole one unclasped off the shoulder thing too! It was appalling. To give you an idea of what she looked like, here is Miranda Lambert holding up a fish I’m assuming she caught somewhere in the Oklahoma (again, I’m assuming).

In another example of channeling Bey, here is the Queen in that Pepsi commercial where she pulled an Orphan Black (pre-OB) and danced with different versions of herself in the funhouse mirror.

And this is a girl who can best be described as #YouTried.

All this is to say that apparently there was a world of Beyonce fashion I didn’t fully understand until last weekend, and it hit me in the face like an angry sibling in an elevator. Again, I think this is an important lesson for both women and men is to know what works best for you and your body type, what looks good and what does not. Not all of us can be as ***Flawless as Beyonce.

 Queen B thanks you for your time.

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