Category Archives: Miscellany

Things I’m Willing To Believe About Pokemon Go

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by

My social media platforms took a weird turn this weekend. One minute, it was all racism, gun violence and Hamilton, and seemingly out of nowhere it became SQUIRTLE! MEWTOO! GOTTA CATCH EM ALL! Was there some kind of a 1998 time warp? I can’t have been the only person who didn’t have advance notice of Pokemon Go and has been struggling to put it all together piece by piece.

Let’s be clear: I think Pokemon Go is great! It gets people outside, smiling and walking and talking to friends and strangers. Dogs get exercise. Neighborhoods are explored. Everyone’s talking about the same thing (which is one of my favorite things about social media phenomena, generally). I also have no clue what’s going on. And since I’ve been getting messages that my iPhone storage is almost full for the past two weeks, I won’t find out until I get all of my photos on a cloud and cull my iTunes library.

Usually we reserve Things I’m Willing To Believe About posts for dreamy leading men (see: Ben Affleck, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lin-Manuel Miranda), or else one-time DNC candidates (hey, Lincoln Chafee). But since we know so few actual facts about Pokemon Go, it seemed like fictional facts are the way to go. Here are some things we’re willing to believe about it:

Pokemon Go was developed as a secret initiative of Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move program. 

THANKS OBAMA. (No, really – thanks!)

“Rare” Pokemons are in really dangerous spots. Or, like, in a cemetery at night.
Dozens of Pokemon Go! players broke into an abandoned subway bed for a “PokeRave.”

Over 10 players were hospitalized with overdose symptoms but curiously, no evidence of drug use was found.

Developers are currently working on Benevolent Mode

Time for you to go to sleep? A coveted Pokemon appears in your bed. When you have to get up, there’s one by your coffee machine. A trail of Pokemon will appear, like moving targets, until you have completed your step goal for the day. You can even set Pokemon to appear at your nana’s nursing home – so you visit more – or at a local farmer’s market if you’re trying to eat more greens. A new Pokemon will appear around the corner from your workplace or home after you’ve finished a work assignment or homework. Have some iffy moles? There’s a Scyther at your dermatologist’s office.

Pokemon Go works better if you walk really slowly and stop dead in the middle of crowded sidewalks.

 

I don’t know, I’m just basing this on youths I’ve been stuck behind on my way to and from work.

The creators are so proud of Rattata

So, so proud that they put them EVERYWHERE. It’s like when god made rats: clearly pretty pleased with himself, since those jerks will survive anywhere.

Pokemon Go has been used in a successful sting to round up criminals with outstanding warrants

“Hey Kevin, there’s a Zapdos at the precinct, let’s go!”

Don’t do it, Kevin. There’s a 6-month prison term at the precinct.

There’s a Bulbasaur onstage during the duel in Hamilton.

Audiences feel that, if anything, it enhances the experience.

The “Churches are Pokegyms” thing was meant to be social commentary.

I don’t know, something about how we worship physical fitness, or a protest against churches’ tax-free status, probably.

Or one of these guys is really into church and is trying to get people into it. Not sure.

Pokemon Go Urban Legends already exist.

The Charizard was flying from INSIDE THE HOUSE.

When she got out of the car, Ash’s fingernails were scraping against the roof of the car.

He turned around to the backseat, and the Pikachu he had picked up had vanished. He went up to the nearest door. “Oh, Pikachu? He died in 1999,” the old woman said.

Pokemon Go has an internal conscience

Why else would it have caught so many people cheating, according to headlines I saw but didn’t click on? Also it has all of your secrets, so don’t piss it off.

You still have to look both ways

If you’re crossing the street, you still have to look both ways. If you’re driving, you still can’t play a game at the same time. Like I said, I haven’t played the game yet, but I’ve seen it blamed for injuries on the news and I’m almost positive you can’t walk out into traffic when you’re playing.

 

Questions, Comments, Concerns: Christian Mingle – The Movie

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There’s a Christian Mingle movie, and it’s on Netflix. It stars Lacey Chabert (Claudia Salinger, Gretchen Weiners) as Gwyneth, a vaguely (but not seriously) Christian lady who joins Christian Mingle. That’s all you need to know. I watched it so you don’t have to, and here are my questions, comments and concerns:

Comment: I have nothing against Christians. Or Mingling.

Where “mingling” = online dating, if it appeals to you. Mingling in the sense of making small talk at networking events? Now that I have some problems with.

Concern: But as a movie?
Comment: Lacey Chabert used to have a bible next to her bed.

Which is to say: I have a weird memory of an article or blurb about Lacey Chabert in a Christian teen magazine in the late 90s/ early 2000s. She has a bible next to her bed. Or did as a teen. According to this magazine my friend had.

Now, Lacey Chabert is one of my favorite Frequent Hallmark Actresses. I’m afraid you’re going to read that as sarcasm; it isn’t.

Question: Is this a fictional movie that the characters are watching in Saved?

Because that’s how I’m approaching it.

Comment: Voiceover: “I found him. With a capitol H.”
Question: Is this an AU fic about a 30-year-old Gretchen Weiners?

Because that’s also how I’m approaching it.

Comment: When Europeans talk about American teeth, they’re talking about Lacey Chabert’s teeth.

That’s not shade. Her teeth are pretty.

Comment: Gwyneth’s friend group = (L-R) a girl from a Disney Channel Original Movie who wants to do modern dance but her mom won’t let her, a blonde woman who was friends with Mindy on .5 seasons of The Mindy Project, Gretchen, and an indie singer from the early 2010s.

I mean, based on wardrobe and styling choices.

Concern: The general portrayal of single women is NOOOOOOO.

It’s fine to want a relationship, but this whole competing with female friends to get engaged first / seeming like a sad sack because you’re – gasp! – 30 years old and single (even though you have a nice apartment, some kind of job where your office is shabby chic, and a nice friend group) / judging your still-single friends thing feels like if a 60-year-old Christian man were trying to write my life and got it all wrong. Which – by the way – is exactly what this is.

It’s like a movie through the lens of how your aunts probably see you.

Concern: The Sassy Black Secretary is WHYYYYYYY.

Not the actress – she’s good- but the trope.

Comment: Oh hey, Sandy Ryerson from Glee. Fancy seeing you here.
Comment: Voiceover: “At this point, I’m like God, this is Gwyneth Payton calling, and if you are out there, um, help?!”
Comment: Gretchen Gwyneth is stalked by Christian Mingle commercials.

(Non-shady moment: I know of at least 3 couples who met on a Catholic dating site, so if it’s your thing go for it.)

Comment: In her CM profile, Gretchen inputs her church’s name as “God’s House.”

… Which, if it’s a joke about someone who doesn’t go to church making up the name of something that sounds churchy, is funny.

Good work, Christian Mingle: The Movie. Made me chuckle.

Question: If Gretchen isn’t into church/Jesus/etc, why doesn’t she just join literally any other dating site?

 

Question: Why are people so concerned about nicknames for two-syllable names?

The Christian Mingler asks Gwyneth what people call her. I flashed back to every time one of my siblings or cousins or friends has a baby  and some uncle type always asks what you’ll call them. For a two-syllable name. Which takes like a second to say.

Comment: The Christian Mingler is written to be a Jake Lacy type.
Question: Is Jake Lacy a type yet?
Comment: Gretchen is wearing crucifix earrings to her Christian Mingle date.

HAHAHAHA. Got me again, Christian Mingle: The Movie.

Question: Is the set design of the Bible Study friend’s house a joke?

It’s full of framed inspirational posters with waterfalls and Bible quotes and a throw pillow that definitely says Jesus on it. Really feeling the Saved vibes here.

Questions: Do Christians love skinny scarves and coffee?

Or just in this movie?

Comment: This church is all wrong.

Not theologically or whatever! In terms of design.

Safe to guess that these people aren’t Catholic. The decor of the Church says, if not Catholic, at least mainline protestant – Anglican or Lutheran, probs, based on the Jesus on the crucifix (vs a bare cross). Maybe Methodist or Presbyterian. But the overall rhetoric the church people use says nondenominational evangelical.

I guess I’m saying I was surprised to see Gretchen walk into an Episcopal-looking church and not a megachurch with lyrics on screens and a worship band and a smoothie bar.

Comment: All these people are awful.

Gretchen, faking a dating profile? Awful. The Christian Mingler’s skeptical WASP mom? Awful. The people Gretchen works with except for the Sassy Secretary? Awful. Gretchen’s friends who scoff at her outfits AND at Meryl Streep? Awful. Only the Christian Mingler himself is okay.

Comment: Everyone at this rancho is dressed like they’re at one of those camps where they send Christian youths to get them back on the straight and narrow or whatever.
Question: Why does Mexico need mission trips?

It’s like 95% Christian. Unless they don’t mean evangelizing. But what else is Gretchen fit to do?

I’m almost positive they explained this while I wasn’t paying attention. It’s my fault, not the movie.

(Ed. note: there was a hurricane.)

Comment: They’re painting a church. Sister Act did it better.

That’s not really a fair comparison. The only movie as good as Sister Act is Sister Act II: Back In The Habit.

Question: What is having this white lady read from a bible, then having a Mexican lady translate, accomplishing that having a Mexican lady read the bible wouldn’t?

Is it because she’s glowing with the white lady love of Christ?

Concern: The white lady’s “good” Spanish almost makes me want to lose all Christian charity.
Comment: Voice over:  “they know, I know they know, they know I know they know,” paraphrased, but way less funny than it was on Friends.
Comment: The Christian Mingler hands Gretchen her copy of Christianity for Dummies that was found under her bed. He presents it like a mom who just found a bong in her teen’s room.
Question: Isn’t Christianity for Dummies already a thing? Isn’t that just the Bible?

Not calling anyone who reads it DUMB I just mean all the stuff is in there.

Besides, what’s so bad about Christianity for Dummies? Gretchen says she was baptized and grew up with church and now she’s trying to learn more about it – see “all these people are awful,” above.

Question: Also does anyone read For Dummies books anymore?

The whole internet is a for dummies guide already, for free.

Comment: Count the broken commandments in this movie.

I’ll start: bearing false witness against thy neighbor.

Comment: Don’t worry, the secretary goes to a storefront church with good music.
Concern: Gretchen has a creepy haunted doll baby in her apartment. And a murky gray painting of disembodied hands.

Is this what they think interior design of the unchurched looks like?

Question: HOW IS GRETCHEN USEFUL IN MEXICO. HOW.

A little boy tells Gretchen to go to the church – a Spanish 101 query, if that – and she needs him to repeat it slowly in English. #UglyAmerican

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July 4th American-Themed Founding Fathers Costume Party!

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Happy Independence Day! Ever since I was a kid, I’ve spent the first weeks of summer looking forward to July 4th, when I would have a classic American cookout, eat some kind of a dessert that uses strawberries and blueberries to replicate the American flag, enjoy the fireworks and play some good old-fashioned picnic games watch Revolutionary War documentaries on the History Channel. Although complaining about America is a tradition as old as the Declaration of Independence – and of course the U.S. of A. does have its problems – take a moment today to compare our country to some places across the globe: we have freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of religion, free, compulsory public education, and public parks and libraries open to anybody who wants to explore and learn. If that doesn’t make you want to chant U-S-A, U-S-A, nothing will.

But you don’t have to be from the United States to celebrate on the 4th of July – face it, no matter where you live, you’ve been exposed to American culture. So if you’re celebrating from overseas, here are some tips to throw a great American-Themed party (psst – Americans can do it, too!). My favorite parts: the name tags with names of American icons like Betsy Ross and Alexander Hamilton, the map where you try to fill in the names of the 50 states (no peeking!), and the mad libs approach to classic American speeches and songs like the Gettysburg Address and Oh, Susannah.

There’s always the issue of what to wear, though, and on July 4th I think the rule of the day is to be as cheesy and red, white and blue as possible. Think: whatever the summery, patriotic version of a Christmas sweater, you should wear that. We do have a few guidelines – the dos and don’ts of patriotic wear – if you don’t want to cross the line all the way into star-spangled Speedos.

However, if you’ve been inspired by Hamilton or by your once-a-year viewing of The Patriot, maybe you’ll want to get your all-American fashion inspiration from the founding fathers. Don’t worry, we’ve written a guide to founding father fashion too! Get out the tricorn caps, Yankee Doodle boys and girls. They probably won’t be the weirdest thing you’ll see somebody wear today.

One of our favorite pictures from the American-themed party post was a party in Poland where the hosts played the movie Pocahontas on the TV. We have some film recommendations in the party guide – American genres like baseball movies, war stuff, and Tom Cruise – but if you need a few more, here are some movies that make me love America.

Another age-old American tradition is losing to European and Latin American teams in soccer(/football). With the Olympics coming up, I should mention that our U.S. national teams are very good and I have high hopes! But during the last World Cup, we wrote a list of American things to do to get over the World Cup loss. The activities work just as well as a way to celebrate America!

Whether you’re an American celebrating the land of your birth, residence or citizenship, or a non-American trying your best to put up with us, we hope you have a spectacular July 4th! May all your hats be three-cornered, your parties American-themed, and your Solo Cups red.

 

 

Stand Up For The Fans In Green: How Ireland Won Euro 2016

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We’re a few weeks away from the end of the Euro, but I’m ready to declare a winner: the high-spirited, fun-loving fans of the Boys in Green. In a sport where hooliganism runs wild, and in a year where Europe is as divided as ever, Irish fans decided that their ‘thing’ was to be as extravagantly wonderful as possible. The result: all of Europe, and soccer fans around the globe, fell in love with them.  The boys in green gained supporters from all over, and spectators waited to see what fantastic thing Ireland’s fans would do next. All of the stunts were typical of the Irish sense of humor. You probably know about English humor – dry, wry, self-deprecating – but Irish humor isn’t that. It’s un-self conscious and rooted in happiness, goofiness and a love for the absurd. Team Ireland is officially out of the Euro, but in my heart, Ireland’s endearing, good-hearted fans are the real winners. And it’s not just me: today Irish fans were awarded the Medal of the City of Paris. Just for BEING FOOTBALL FANS. Just for being themselves. God bless.

We are going to rank these Euro moments on a scale of one to five, measured by Ireland’s most precious export:

Do not think that a video is subpar if it rates one Niall Horan: after all, one Niall Horan is good enough for One Direction. For the purposes of this discussion, Niall will be presented in his purest form:

Lullaby For The Boys In Green

Here’s a thing that sounds like it’s true of people everywhere, but I swear it’s an Irish thing: Irish men love babies. Groups of Irish men love singing. Find me something better than this group of Ireland supporters on a train singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to a small baby and announcing “we’ve got a baby!” like they’re in the presence of a small prince.

Niall Quotient:

 

Sing A Prayer For The Boys In Green

Imagine you at your most obnoxious drunken college self, and then imagine a nun walked into your train car. You would absolutely treat that nun to a rendition of the Our Father and try to dance with her. Also, this is a very jazzy rendition of the Lord’s Prayer and must have been the standard one at these guys’ schools and churches. A+

Niall Quotient:

Fix The Car For The Boys In Green

Cars don’t usually come off well in giant football celebrations. My favorite part of this isn’t the Irishmen pounding out the dents – which was great – or singing “fix the car for the boys in green.” It was the fans frantically stuffing money into the car’s windows to make up for the damage.

Niall Quotient: 

Change A Tire For The Boys In Green

https://www.thesun.co.uk/video/living/irish-fans-help-elderly-french-couple-change-flat-tyre-at-euro-2016/

As the Irish fan says, there’s the difference between Irish fans and English fans: we change the wheel of a car. (Wheel changing Irish fan: you single?)

Niall Quotient:

Stand Up For The Balcony

For a brief, shining moment, the biggest celebrity of Euro 2016 was this guy who had a balcony. The crowd cheered when he walked out and booed when he left. He probably should have anticipated this when he moved above an Irish pub.

Niall Quotient:

Stand Up For The French Police

Only these guys could commandeer a tunnel and make people like them for it because they serenade the French police while they’re at it.

Niall Quotient:

Stand Up For The Ulsterman

Little geopolitics for you: the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland: Not the same. Not nearly the same. Centuries of troubles to show for it. But when a Northern Ireland fan, Darren Rodgers, died tragically of a fall, the Irish fans paid tribute by chanting “stand up for the Ulsterman” during their game against Sweden. It’s one island, after all.

Niall Quotient:

Stand Up For The Sexy Wives

Even Ireland’s smack talk doesn’t sting. Ireland’s taunt to Sweden’s fans?  “Go home to your sexy wives.” Have you seen Swedes? They’re not wrong.

Niall Quotient: 

Stand Up For The Foreign News

To be fair, this Hungarian news anchor was in the presence of greatness and he knew it.

Niall Quotient:

Stand Up For This French Girl

Ha. Hahahahahahaha.

Niall Quotient:

Stand Up For The Dancing Queen

Ireland’s favorite past time: group singalongs. Sweden’s favorite past time: following confusing furniture building instructions ABBA. Match made in heaven, played in France.

Niall Quotient:

Stand Up If You Lost Your Kid

When a child got separated from his father, the Irish fans chanted “Steve, here is your son.” They crouched down then sang “Stand up if you lost your son.” Happy ending: Steve got his kid back (Steve’s wife: probably not thrilled).

Niall Quotient:

And Now For A Shameless Plug

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself), Miscellany by

I’d like to indulge in a little cross-promotion here – partly because I’m an only child who needs attention and partly because I can.

Guys, I started a podcast!

What’s that? A podcast, you say? You mean that audio thing every other person on the planet* has about every possible subject available? Yes, reader. That kind of podcast.

It’s called That’s Our Jam and I’m doing it with my friend and another fellow blogger, Jennie from Garlic, My Soul. It’s a mix of all the pop culture stuff I talk about here, what Jennie talks about over on her blog (food), plus anything and everything else like history and current events and music, etc. Our first episode – our pilot episode, if you will – premieres today so check it out and subscribe here: That’s Our Jam Podcast!

We’re also posting links and stuff of all the things we talk about on the episode on our website, ThatsOurJamPodcast.com – and to make it easier for you, I’ve also posted it below!

I promise I won’t post about it annoyingly on the blog, but if you like what we do here, give the pilot a try! We’d loved to be picked up to series. Thanks, friends!

*Not a real stat

Episode 1: We Started The Podcast Movement

Podcasting Revolution

Emerson newsrooms go portable with podcasts, October 19th, 2005 (written by NOT Jennie)

History With Jennie

(Tony Winner) ANGELICA!

REG_Rent

The Video Traci Took In The Bathroom At A Wedding

Traci’s iPod Roulette

That’s Our Jam

Traci’s Jam: Gilmore Guys Podcast

Jennie’s Jam: First Bite by Bee Wilson

Jesus Be A Raindrop or Central Air

Posted in Miscellany by

Well kids, it’s officially summer. Our calendars and local weathermen/women have told us so. You know how else I know it’s summer? Because this is what it looked like when I walked outside yesterday:

Maybe less gun wounds and not enough Donald Glover bringing me boxes of pizza. But I mean, the same thing. In case you hadn’t heard, Southern California is experiencing record heat. I’m talking like 110 degree heat. Like, there are two forest fires currently burning because of said heat. As I was on my way to work yesterday, I was thinking, ‘Ya know, at least it’s not humid’.

And that was the last positive thought I had about this dumb heat.

Long story short, my first day of summer had me sitting in a pool of my own sweat at work and at home and with intermittent access to the Internet. It was my own literal version of hell.

And it reminded me of this video that sort of went viral a few years ago, by YouTuber KrissyChula, who expertly expresses my thoughts on the heat and made me laugh in the process.

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. AMEN SISTER FRIEND.

Krissy also covers topics that aren’t specific to the heat or Moses, and continues to be irritated and hysterical at the same time. So if you need a reason to laugh in the midst of the hot summer heat, check out some of her other vids. She angry, but she worth it.

*The Chipotle one won’t embed click to view on YouTube!!

I know, she has a lot of anger, but it’s what’s been smoldering in your soul for years.

Graduation Caps On Fleek

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by

When we graduated high school 12 years (!!!!) ago, we didn’t have the option – or maybe didn’t even know there was the option – to decorate the tops of our caps. By college, I think the trend was still out there, but people at my school didn’t delve into their arts & crafts side, despite being an arts school. But now that it’s graduation season again, I am constantly seeing more and more elaborately decorated caps that are more exciting than any commencement I’ve ever attended.

And of course, there’s a good chunk out there that were inspired by pop culture, so here are some of the best from the Class of 2016 and their graduation caps on fleek*.

*I’m too old to be saying that they’re not “on fleek” I take that back.

Where is the lie?

https://twitter.com/sincerely_mg/status/731202777700024320?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Queen B for those Queens, B.

https://twitter.com/aprilthiess/status/733022172793409537

https://twitter.com/lizPLUSbeth/status/733118400667344897?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

http://treaxherous.tumblr.com/post/144406671868/day-2-of-graduation-is-under-way

And of course the wise words of Michael Scott…

https://www.tumblr.com/dundermifflinscranton/144852699072

https://www.tumblr.com/dundermifflinscranton/144741979637

Some call it the Hamilton Effect (we do. we call it that.)

https://twitter.com/g_paps27/status/730819241100840964

https://twitter.com/RhettMorrell/status/729449905773813765

https://twitter.com/janaetking/status/729449784193470465

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It’s 1975: Let’s All Decorate Our Porches and Patios!

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Welcome back to Let’s All Decorate, a series examining the design trends and tribulations of years past. We’ve examined everything from 90s country geese to the early-DIY era sponge painting craze to your grandma’s house (yes, yours), but today we’re going to take it outside. Memorial Day is in the books and summer 2016 is unofficially here. For a lot of us that means planting our gardens, cleaning off the outdoor furniture and hanging hammocks. In the 1970s it meant all of that too, but everything was just a little bit uglier.

I don’t know why, but the 1970s just scream summer with me. Maybe it was my childhood obsession with Now and Then, or maybe it’s the bold, loud prints and colors of the era. Whatever it is, I can just see 1970s homeowners wearing polyester outfits, trying to gussy up their decks and patios before their swinging cocktail party. Plus, a lot of the 70s styles lived on in my relatives’ houses throughout my very 90s childhood, so all of this looks more than a little familiar.

Are you ready? Queue up your favorite 8-track, slip on your finest caftan, and start seeing the world through Harvest Gold-colored glasses. It’s 1975, let’s all decorate our porches and patios!

Pick A Color Scheme And Go With It. Really, Really Go With It.

Do you like yellow? Orange? Pea green? Throw it on everything! Those are your only color options, sorry!

My fav is the Big Bird pelt on the floor.

 

On one hand that’s a kind of cute, Liberty print-looking fabric. On the other hand, it is on everything up to and including the walls. BTW the woman looks like she’s posing for a picture, but the man is just looking at her.

 

Baby diarrhea. That’s the color of the background. Baby. Diarrhea.

April Showers Bring Macrame Flowers?

If you lived through the 70s, you probably had a cousin or sister-in-law make you one of these for Christmas. If you lived through the 80s or 90s, it was probably still in your parents’ house.

Were you born between 1972 and 1979? You may have been conceived on this macrame monster, CONGRATS.

Crimson Crystal Beads To Beckon

It is almost like instead of design books, 1970s homeowners were going off of the lyrics to Joni Mitchell’s Chelsea Morning. I love her but it’s true.

Make Yourself Comfortable. If At All Possible.

The good thing is that by the 1970s, outdoor-friendly materials had come a long way! The bad thing is they were still plastic-y and uncomfortable. You’d probably stock up a few of these bad boys:

If you were born before 1990, you probably put a foot through one of these at some point.

 

And who could forget your skin sticking to these strips of woven plastic?

 

Then there were these not-at-all-soft, rain-resistant cushions.

Invite All Your 70s Friends Over!

You don’t decorate a porch or patio for yourself alone. Time to throw a bash for all your 70s friends!

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Celebrating The Rachel, On The 20th Anniversary Of Its Death

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The Rachel is dead.

Long live The Rachel.

Jennifer Aniston’s choppy shag – the biggest boon to the round brush industry to date – met its end by Season 3 of Friends. That means that right now, we are celebrating the 20th anniversary of the Rachel’s death.

I think that to avoid looking too dated or silly, you should avoid any haircut with a first name (unless that name is bob. Pretty classic). But in 1996, America couldn’t resist the curled-under layers of Jennifer Aniston’s bouncy ‘do.

In the years since The Rachel died, Aniston has been pretty vocal about the cut:

Like anyone who has tried to curl their ends with a blowdryer while twirling a brush with the other hand, Jennifer hated styling her haircut. In 2011, she went so far as to call it “the ugliest haircut I have ever seen.”  My favorite part: stylist Chris McMillan was (allegedly) high when he created the style. “Stoned out of his mind,” Aniston said.

Okay, but was the Rachel really that bad? Let’s take a look-see.

I mean. Highlights have come a long way, and at the time those frosty pieces read more “sun-kissed” and less chunky. But NOBODY’S hair curls in towards their face like that, and that was the Rachel’s biggest downfall. Add in some cowlicks or waves and this thing is toast; try it on stick-straight hair, and it’ll just hang straight down with layers that look like they were cut with kitchen scissors.

Here’s the thing to remember, two decades on. It wasn’t just that people liked Rachel Green’s hairdo. It’s that the haircut spread across the nation like nothing I’ve seen before or since. (Closest match: Kate Gosselin’s I Want To Talk To The Manager haircut; that heavily inverted bob that looked cool for about a month and now just looks like a short haircut with two long puppy ears in the front.) It started with the moms. It moved on to the 20-somethings. I was 9, and my mom joked that I should get The Rachel.

Don’t think that just because The Rachel crawled off Jennifer Aniston’s head and died in 1996, it was gone for good. That baby multiplied and infested heads worldwide. In the early 2000s, you could still see a Rachel in the wild. Legend has it that a few dozen Rachels still exist in the natural world, but even if not, the echoes of the Rachel can be heard.  Every time your stylist asks if you want “a little face-frame,” the Rachel lives on. When a hairdresser suggests “some piece-y layers for texture,” you can hear the wind whisper “Rachel.” And whenever a thick highlight is pulled through a latex cap, the faint sound of Chris McMillan’s hairstyling shears floats into the room.

 

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Palme d’Or Fashion at Cannes 2016

Posted in Miscellany, Outfit Girl by

And just like that the 69th annual Cannes Film Festival came to an end on Sunday. A lot of headline-making news came out of the nearly two weeks on the French Riviera, including Julia Roberts’ first time at the fest, Woody Allen (just being present and alive), Blake Lively’s “Oakland booty”, Kristen Stewart’s movie getting booed, exes Sean Penn and Charlize Theron’s movie getting booed, and of course all the stunning fashion.

One of the most iconic aspects about the Cannes Film Festival is the red carpet and steps leading up to the Grand Theatre Lumiere. It’s here where stars are lit’rally surrounded by photographers, and then they’re meant to walk up the stairs (without tripping) in front of all the world to see. Speaking of Julia, she didn’t dare make a fool of herself during her Cannes debut, and she even walked up the stairs barefoot. But she wasn’t the only one to make her mark on the red carpet. I must admit, this year seemed a bit off to me fashion-wise. Usually there are more looks that are appealing to me, but here are a handful I did appreciate over the course of the past 11 days at Cannes.

Anna Kendrick in Stella McCartney {Cafe Society premiere}

Over the years, Anna’s been on my best dressed list for various events, but it wasn’t until recently that I really realized just how much I adore her style. She always looks classy and beautiful and never over the top.

Riley Keough in Gucci {American Honey Premiere}

Apparently this dress got mixed reviews by fashion critics, but I happen to think it’s great. The fabric is so intriguing to me and I actually like the color combo. I’d be interested to see if that yellow color is more mustard or pea green IRL, which may or may not change my mind about liking it.

Marion Cotillard in Dior Haute Couture {From the Land and the Moon premiere}

Timeless beauty, that Marion Cotillard. This is the type of dress that is perfect for Cannes – classic and simple yet glamourous and eye-catching. I love the pop of red from her lipstick and the subtle slit on the side of the dress.

Elle Fanning in Zuhair Murad {The Neon Demon Premiere}

Elle Fanning is an adult. Well, she’s 18 so she’s technically an adult. But like Dakota, she’s always had a great sense of style, maybe even moreso than her older sis. This gown is perfect for a young lady of her age, and the sheer skirt makes it just sexy enough to show she’s not a kid anymore.

Kirsten Dunst in Gucci {Cafe Society premiere}

I normally wouldn’t be into a dress like this but for some reason I totally am. Reasons: A) the blush pink color. B) The dainty black bow belt C) Long sleeved realness D) The flowers should be obnoxious, but they’re not

Kirsten Dunsty in Dior Haute Couture {Jury photocall}


I had to put one of Kirsten’s first looks from the festival on here too because I loved it so much. She was one of the jury members this year so she had to be at a lot of the events. But this 1950s inspired dress reminds me of Grace Kelly and old Hollywood glamour. Like she’s a movie star from the ’50s and she’s vacationing in the French Riviera. The gold belt gives it a modern twist and the shoes are weirdly both retro and futuristic at the same time. Not pictured: the rattan purse she toted around.

Bella Hadid in Alexandre Vauthier Couture {The Unknown Girl Premiere}

Well this was definitely the most talked about dress at Cannes this year. New It Girl Bella Hadid showed up with a slit so high Angelina Jolie’s leg would be jealous. I’m always impressed when ladies can pull something like this off. I don’t even necessarily think she’s one of the best dressed, but rather the most daring. Also I read an article from her stylist – in case you’re wondering, a bodysuit is basically sewn into the dress, so even if the skirt moved in a way you’d see her crotch, you wouldn’t be able to see anything because she has a high-waisted red satin body suit under there.

Adele Exarchopoulos in Louis Vuitton {The Last Face premiere}

My first reaction to this was a big Nope Keep Scrolling. But then I went back to it and grew to love it. Cannes is usually more formal and ball gown-y, especially on the red carpet, but this is totally her style. Her hair and make-up also push the entire look over the edge to fabulous.

Charlize Theron in Dior {The Last Face premiere}

Adele’s co-star Charlize Theron showed up in her best revenge suit for the premiere of their film which was directed by her ex Sean Penn. I love a lady looking fierce in a suit, and Charlize is werk.ing. it. The low cut blouse, the pulled back hair, the semi-flared pants and black heels – TO DIE. Also, she kept hanging on to Adele the entire time they did press, so naturally the Internet ships them already. Ok, I do too.

Charlize Theron in Givenchy {The Last Face Photocall}

For a more feminine look, Charlize opted to wear this lace number for the movie’s photo call, which is traditionally the time when stars can be more lax in their outfits. Charlize still looks as great as she does at the premiere, and I appreciate that she didn’t overdo it with make-up or accessories, since the dress can speak volumes for itself.

Ryan Gosling in Ralph Lauren Purple Label {The Nice Guys premiere}

I mean, look at him.

 

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