Pop Culture Blind Spots: The Bodyguard

Posted in Entertainment by Traci

Tomorrow, February 11th, will mark the four-year anniversary of Whitney Houston’s passing. And while her death was tragic and it’s certainly sad that we’ll never get to enjoy her sing live again, we’ll always have the tremendous career she left behind so we can never forget her legacy. Among the great projects she left behind is The Bodyguard, a movie that came out in 1992, when I was six years old. Somehow I was never introduced to it growing up, and hence became a pop culture blind spot for me – until recently. Join me as I experience one of Whit’s most beloved roles and unexpectedly fangirl over the pairing of Whitney and Kevin Costner.

Knowledge of this film:

Whitney Houston
Kevin Costner
Kevin is Whitney’s bodyguard
I Will Always Love You
Someone gets shot
Kevin carries Whit somewhere

Is there a reason this font is so big or is it just “1992”?

If Kevin Costner is a bodyguard, why is he shooting randos in a sketchy garage? I have questions already. It’s the first scene.

Kevin Costner eats his dinner out of a pot with a wooden spoon like a savage. He’s also setting up to be a classic tale of man who *cue movie trailer guy* “has the perfect job but the one thing missing from his life – is love”

Had no idea Whit’s name was Rachel.

Kev is just too cool for school. He’s sitting in his backyard, wearing his hoodie and Ray Bans and throwing knives at a wooden pole. Dare to dream.

#goals

This movie was made in 1992 and the cars looks straight out of 1989. Ok, I guess not that much older.

Rachel’s mansion looks like The Great Gatsby’s house (Leo DiCap version).

Rachel’s intercom isn’t working but Frank is let in anyways – like obviously she needs Frank because security is in poor form already. She’s a celebrity – she needs her intercom to be working.

Rachel’s apparently filming a music video inside her house, which, I mean, why??? That’s what studios are for.

As she sits in a chair watching the dancers rehearse, it’s immediately sad knowing that this film is some kind of weird hyper reality for Whit, and makes me really sad. But then – Frank and Rachel meet for the first time:

AND I’M ALREADY SHIPPING IT THEY HAVE SO MUCH CHEMISTRY

The only other movie I saw Whit act in was Cinderella, and that’s a much more lighthearted movie than this. In The Bodyguard, she’s showing off her dramatic talents – that I’ve never witnessed before – and I’m so impressed with her skills already.

Whoever this cute kid with the boat is is the MOST adorable. I think it’s Rachel’s son? AND ALSO HE’S VERY HOT NOW. HBM STATUS TO THE MAX

Rachel has been receiving death threats via mail. This is probably why Frank got hired in the first place.

“Reagan got shot.”
“Not on my shift.” Frank Farmer, Bodyguard to the stars.

Some creep broke in and masturbated on the bed???? Honestly what is wrong with her team for not taking more security precautions earlier. ALSO, I don’t trust Sy. He’s troublesome. I don’t trust any of these folks.

THIS IS SOME PLL -A SHIT RIGHT HERE

Henry is holding a Koosh ball. I guess it is 1992.

They’re installing better security for her house (e.g. an intercom that works, a gate, cameras etc.) but like why hasn’t this happened sooner I don’t understand.

Who is Boat Kid’s baby daddy?? BTW Boat Kid’s name is Fletcher, but Boat Kid is much better.

Nicki, Rachel’s sister, used to be a duo act with Rach, but stepped aside to let her be a star. Is it Selena (y los Dinos) situation?

Again, Rach’s team has been receiving *ransom notes* but a) they’ve been hiding it from Rach b) they haven’t sent it to the police until now?

Ok, I should know this but is The Bodyguard soundtrack just all Whit songs? (the answer is yes, it’s amazing).

Some car followed Rachel’s limo but none of Rach’s people except Kev noticed – again, how? Her entire team sucks. Prediction: it will be her downfall.

There was an intense car chase and Frank legit jumped off a cliff and rolled onto pavement. Action hero shit.

There’s a dog that belongs to someone who lives in this house but doesn’t move at all. I feel like he’s going to become integral to saving someone’s life later on.

“Tuesday morning brunch? Where’d you get this guy, Bill?” Sy, you’re a douche.

Why does it look like Rachel is shopping in a thrift store? She’s trying on clothes behind a curtain that doesn’t go all the way up.

“Never mix business with pleasure” Rachel foreshadowing them gettin it onnnnnn

Why is Frank sitting in the dark and watching a Rachel Marron music video? Maybe he’s doing research on his client?

Oh yes, another thing I know about this movie is Whit’s hood costume. Legit is this Pretty Little Liars?

Frank gives Rachel a secret cross item that will signal her being in trouble. She will use this, no doubt. In this scene and probably again later.

There are so many people waiting for Rachel at this club, like surrounding the entrance. *RANT ON HOW CELEBRITY IS DIFFERENT THAN IT WAS IN 1992*

I am so annoyed with these fans surrounding her dressing room door. This looks like that Rockumentary episode of Saved by the Bell where Casey Kasem does a fake rock doc of the gang’s band, who have a total of two hits and are the biggest act in the world.

Frank tries to stop Rachel from performing, and he has a point. It’s probably because of the world we live in today, but with Rachel out on stage with a lot of fans in the audience, I’m expecting someone to just shoot her. Horrible, I know, but seriously.

How has she been wearing this outfit under the cape? The entire time?

Rach gets crowd surfed and it’s like, I mean Frank warned you. But also these fans are insane. Get a fucking grip.

Aw Frank is so tender with Rach. He just wants her safe, not because it’s his job, but because he’s starting to care for her as a person. I. AM. INTO. IT.

Rachel: Aren’t you going to ask me why I behave like that?

Frank: I know why.

Why are you eating an apple like you’re fucking George Washington, Frank?

*not george washington, but you get the idea*

Tony starts a fight with Frank in the kitchen (while he’s still eating an apple) but like, again, why? Because he left him at the club by accident?

FRANK IS LIKE BRUH DONT EVEN TRY TO FUCK W ME AND THROWS A KNIFE BY HIS EAR. IT IS HILARIOUS.

Whit’s rockin a scrunchie with her jogging suit and I appreciate that. But again, it’s 1992, so it’s par for the course.

Rach is straight up asking Frank out on a date. I respect that.

MAYBE IT’S NICKI.

AGAIN – how the fuck is this stalker getting into Rachel’s house??

OK I TOTALLY CALLED THIS GUY WHEN HE TRIED TO GET IN FRONT OF HER AT THE CONCERT

Rachel: Well, he didn’t look like he wanted to die to me.
Frank: There’s a big difference between wanting to die and having no fear of death.
They walk down the sidewalk.
Rachel: And because he had no fear of death, he was invincible?
Frank: What do you think?
Rachel: Well, he sure creamed ’em all in the end.

Rach and Frank are on a date and at the Graumann’s Chinese Theater, which is the exact place you DON’T want to be at as a high-profile celeb.

HOLY CRAP THE BODYGUARD IS JUST THE MUSIC VIDEO FOR LUCKY

How are people not noticing Rachel at this bar in Hollywood? Actually I’m assuming it’s in Hollywood, but IDK it could be Reseda (that’s a special niche joke for you LA folk).

http://sophiabushs.co.vu/post/63279092947/the-bodyguard-1992

Whit’s eyebrows lit’rally on fleek

Rach’s making a joke about Frank’s ex being killed while he was protecting her. Oh man he’s gonna be so fucked up when she dies (does she die?!?). He was JKing. BUT ALSO FORESHADOWING (no, but is it I have no idea).

Some extra who looks like Randy Quaid just stared down the barrel of the camera and broke the fourth wall it’s absolutely jarring.

Oh man I Will Always Love You is playing while Frank and Rach are slow dancing and OH MY GOD HAVE SEX ALREDAYYY

“So is this a full service date, Frank?” CAN U NOT

Frank’s really got a thing with orange juice. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

His basement looks like where a stalker would keep his lair dedicated to Rachel.

This is dangerous with the sword. This is how somebody dies.

Literally exclaimed OH YEAH when they started kissing. I’M INVOLVED NOW.

Frank seems like he’s so into protecting Rachel (see: making her house akin to Fort Knox) but he already broke the rules – he’s been working for her for like a week. And now they’re sleeping together? I mean I’m not complaining. But.

Ugh Frank don’t be rude to Rachel the morning after. He says, “You didn’t do anything. It was me. I involved myself with my client.” You may be working for her but after you’ve had sex, don’t make it sound like prostitution.

Boat Kid (Fletcher) is wearing a windbreaker. Oh to be a 90s kid again.

Rachel got nominated for Best Actress? What movie was she even in?

Police are sweeping the hotel Rachel is staying in, thank God finally they’re taking action.

“Rachel: Quit bitching, Farmer. This is the part you do get paid for.”

SANG WHITNEY. I’M POURING ONE OUT RN.

The top of the hotel is lighting up with Rachel’s name it’s a bit excessive.

Tony sees himself on TV and he’s clearly more interested in fame than the job.

Rach is hitting on Frank’s security guard friend. Out of spite. Come on, you should be better than this.

THIS CHICK:

Frank goes to Rachel’s suite and she’s gone and so is Tony – but they went out shopping. Like fucking tell your people.

The stalker calls Rachel and she thinks its Fletcher and it sounds like:

Rach asks Frank for his help because she realizes the stalker is real. Fucking finally.

I’m watching this with my friend Jennie, and she prefaces the next scenes with “There’s a sub plot coming out of left field” cut to: snow capped mountain.

Frank’s taking her to meet his dad?!!?!?!?!?! Hometown date came quickly. THIS IS SERIOUS.

Oh hey Nicki. Forgot you existed.

“Fletcher can’t swim very well.” *gets in the boat*

Fletcher’s gonna die.

Frank wasn’t with Reagan because he as at his mom’s funeral and THAT’S why he feels guilty.

Frank spends a lot of time drinking and looking out of windows pensively.

Rachel tugs on the back of Frank’s hot sweater and I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP

The dog is the guard for Rachel’s door literally taking place of Tony. lolz

Nicki’s trouble. She kisses Frank and he’s all like no thanks bye. She’s gonna go crazy.

Nicki can’t even have a solo without Rachel coming to harmonize with her.

Frank notices footsteps in the snow that belong to a human and they notice BOAT KID WHO CAN’T SWIM is in the boat by himself and Frank running to fletch to get himo ff them boat but knocks him off HE CAN’T SWIM and after theyre onthe dock THE FUCKING BOAT EXPLODES WHAT EVEn

“How are we gonna get the boat back?” Who cares about the fucking boat?!?

How did this stalker know they’re in the Cabin in the Woods. It’s an inside job. TONY??? IS TONY FEEDING THE STAKLER INFO???

I feel like Frank’s going to accidentally shoot someone, and that someone is going to be Rachel. I have a lot of theories. Only some of them are plausible.

Armando “arranged” it with Nicki’s help? Nicki paid someone to kill her sister? I forgot who Armando is.

Ugh this is stressful. Nicki GOT SHOT

Frank has to use a phone booth but Sy has a cell phone? I feel like the bodyguard to the star should have priority just incase SOMEONE WITH A GUN TRIES TO KILL HER.

I mean it’s sad that Nicki died but like, also, karma a little?

Frank to Fletcher: “Everybody’s afraid of something, Fletcher. That’s how we know we care about something, when we’re afraid we’ll lose it.”

Apparently Fletcher has since learned how to swim.

Um I hate that I heard the voice of Chris Connelly from MTV and totally called it before seeing his face.

my childhood

TOBY IS IN THIS???? WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT CHARLIE IN THE GARDEN

Tony’s drunk. FUCKING DO YOUR GD JOB TONY

Why does everyone have earrings that weight 10 pounds each

The girl subbing for Rachel performing I Have Nothing at the Oscars is horrible.

I FEEL STRESSED. SOMETHING IS BOUND TO HAPPEN HERE.

Frank is going to take a bullet for Rachel. I’m saying this now. I cannot. MY HEART IS RACING.

Rachel goes on stage to present an award but she runs off because she thinks the envelope is a threatening letter from her stalker. AGAIN, THE STRESS.

Oh so the creepy stalker guy was just a creepy stalker then??

Rachel blames her paranoia on Frank, because he’s worried she’s about to get killed, but she misplaces her anger on him and gets mad and ughhh

Oh no I’m like physically ill Rachel won for best actress and (another bodyguard) Portman is the hitman and he’s acting as a cameraman. Shit is GOING DOWN.

GUYS I JUST SPENT THE LAST 20 MINUTES CRYING AND NOT TYPING IT’S FINE.

Final thought: *there needs to be more tongue*

9Feb2016

Best Dressed Of Super Bowl 50

Posted in Entertainment, Outfit Girl by Molly

Just think: we are now two days past the biggest fashion night in the American football calendar! I grew up rooting for whichever Super Bowl finalist had the best uniform (except for the years the Buffalo Bills were in play, which: the less said the better). Through the iconic halftime shows and national anthems of our youths – Whitney and M.J., anyone? – to the fashion “controversies” of the 2000s – you really don’t want to get me started on Janet and J.T. – Super Bowl Sunday is the most fashion excitement you’ll find in a football game all year. So how did Super Bowl 50 stack up? I’d say it was one of the best Super Bowls yet, sartorially speaking.

Here are the best of the best, in no particular order:

The Super Bowl Logo

So many of us learned Roman numerals through the ever-changing Super Bowl logos – or, for us Catholic schoolers, through a healthy mix of Super Bowl logos and Bible stuff. I liked the unchanging tradition of it, the insistence on being way more fussy than necessary because the Super Bowl is football’s fanciest day. Roman numerals are like when numbers wear a tuxedo – just classy as hell. But to be honest, Super Bowl L looks stupid. We all know it looks stupid. It sort of just looks like we’re saying it is a large Super Bowl. The NFL realized that, and the resulting logo is way better than a large letter L.

Blue Ivy Carter (and her friend Apple)

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A post shared by Gwyneth Paltrow (@gwynethpaltrow)

Somehow Head B.I.C. is always two and a half years old in my brain, so when I see photos of her she always seems like the most self-possessed, mature toddler ever. But no, baby Blue is four now, and her neon bomber jacket reminds me of all of the best parts of being a 90s kid. Also wearing a pretty great jacket: Apple Martin, a smaller Gwyneth Paltrow.

Beyonce’s Dancers

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A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce)

What’s better than one Angela Davis? An entire troop of dancing Angela Davises. And in case you missed what they were going for, check out those Black Panther/ Malcolm X hats. And in case you still REALLY weren’t sure, they will tell you with a Justice for Mario Woods sign. FYI: the leather outfits were designed by Zana Bayne and she has some great behind-the-scenes photos of the day on Instagram. Pam Grier tweeted about the halftime show and I hope she appreciated that her iconic 70s look is back in style.

Kevin Durant

Did you know that Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma City Thunder is also a photographer? And since we’re talking about fashion here, did you know that Kevin Durant looks really, really good in street clothes? Okay, so a black t-shirt and ripped jeans aren’t exactly something to write home about but… I don’t know, maybe they are?

Lady Gaga

This outfit reminds me of Lady Gaga’s version of being an elementary school teacher, where they’d wear a turtleneck, chunky sweater, and jumper that all related to the same theme. You know, Miss Frizzle style. I find Gaga’s version of really flooring it, outfit-wise, to be so endearing. She’s in a shiny pantsuit, for Pete’s sake (by Gucci, because Gaga’s still Gaga). And since she’s singining the national anthem, that shit is RED. With blue nails. And red eyeshadow. And because it’s football, she has the Gaga equivalent of Texas cheer mom hair. The shoes? Stars and stripes. And if you couldn’t tell, I say all of those things with complete affection. Pair this with a note-perfect rendition of the Star Spangled Banner and we have a pop star even your granny would love – fun, patriotic, respectful, and really committed to a theme.

Beyonce

Here’s something I don’t think we talk about enough: how Beyonce has made a signature look out of not wearing pants. She’s such a big deal that we all accept this long sleeve, no pants look and don’t even mention that usually, humans wear something on their lower half. This look was classic Beyonce, but the military styling was also a perfect fit with Formation. We’re told (by designers Dean and Dan Caten) that any resemblance to a certain other iconic Super Bowl halftime show look was strictly coincidental:

Janelle Monae (and company)

I’m a sucker for a “(Product) Through The Years” commercial format anyway, but this Pepsi ad was really remarkable. I loved Janelle’s classic James Brown suit, Madonna garb, and modern sequined look. Keep an eye on the background dancers: they look just as great. Now let’s get Janelle a halftime show of her own, why don’t we? And a 2014 Grammy nomination, please, because I still maintain that she should have had one.

Chris Martin

This is on my “bworst” list: gross word, but I mean a combination of best and worst. It’s not technically good, but it’s so very Chris Martin that the second I saw it I was like “oh, of COURSE.” As in, of course he’s wearing a line of Lisa Frank yoga clothes designed for a production of Godspell. Oh bless the Lord my soul. Also the second I saw his little face peeking out between Beyonce and Bruno Mars, I knew he was going to be a meme – so I do want to call attention to the fact that I think he did well and I liked his rainbow color scheme.

8Feb2016

Things We Need to Revisit From Super Bowl 50

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by Traci

Last night, millions of Americans tuned in to watch ~~Beyonce take over the field~~ the Denver Broncos beat the Carolina Panthers. The Super Bowl is the U.S.’s most unofficial national holiday, but to me, it’s a free concert surrounded by some football riff raff. But, since I’m not a quitter, and have a bit of FOMO, I still “watched” the game from the comfort of my work office. There were definitely some highlights and lowlights of the Super Bowl, so it’s only fitting that we do a post-mortem on it and revisit a few things that need to have our attention again. And it’s worth noting that surprisingly, a majority of these things have absolutely nothing to do with football.

Tom Brady Lit’rally Missing the Mark

Because it’s the 50th Super Bowl, the NFL had to be all nostalgic and whatnot, so before the game, they had a ceremony honoring the 43 game MVPs of the past. Among them was New England Patriots QB and polarizing athlete Tom Brady. Deflategate and all. First of all, each MVP had to come out, stand on the yellow dot on the field, wave to the crowd then join the others on the side. Tom lit’rally missed the mark and just walked out and waved then joined the MVPs. To make things worse, he got booed by the crowd of Broncos and Panthers fans. I have a lot of friends from New England, so I’m not going to comment (I also have no opinion, really) but I mean, yikes.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose

Happy #SB50 from Street & Landry. #FNL #ClearEyesFullHeartsCantLose #Broncos #UnitedInOrange pic.twitter.com/aE7wZtR12a

— Scott Porter (@ScottPorter) February 8, 2016

Hey, remember when Scott Porter (Jason Street) posted this FNL reunion pic from one of his football parties and everyone freaked out? I feel like we also need to freak out about this picture of Street and Lance/Landry from yesterday’s game. Dear people who run next year’s Super Bowl (NFL, I guess? lol), stage a FNL reunion at the game and you’ll get a lot of publicity. I mean, not like the Super Bowl needs it, but still.

SLAYDAY GAGA

Believe it or not, there are still people who aren’t aware that Stefani Germanotta is actually a really great, trained singer and not just a woman who wears a meat dress to the VMAs. So for those expecting her to look ridiculous and make a spectacle of the National Anthem were shit out of luck because Gaga showed off her impressive vocal talents and didn’t go over the top with her runs. It was pretty much perfect, so just watch the entire performance again.

Is This Not Grease 2: Live

This fellow’s name is Jonathan Stewart and when he scored a touchdown for the Panthers, his dance involved the hand jive. For those of us who were tweeting #GreaseLive all of a week ago, we had hope Aaron Tveit and Vanessa Hudgens would suddenly appear at the Super Bowl.

That Independence Day Trailer

The trailer for the Independence Day sequel aired during the Super Bowl, and props to the marketing team for this one – the first shot is an aerial shot of a crowded football stadium and someone is singing the National Anthem (a female pop star?) in the background. Then havoc ensues. Too real. I got chills.

Stealth The Wire Reunion

No, Idris Elba wasn’t involved, unfortunately. This Wire mini-reunion is from S2, the dockworkers played by Pablo Schreiber and Chris Bauer, who use a Prius as a getaway car after robbing a bank. So, like, the same thing as The Wire.

Salty Brother

I’m not a football aficionado or anything, but here’s the situation as I know it. Peyton Manning, QB for the Broncos played in the Super Bowl for what could be his last game before retiring. His younger brother, Giants QB Eli Manning was not playing in the Super Bowl, but watching from a box with his family. They cut to the Manning family after Peyton made some kind of successful play, and Eli didn’t look thrilled. Personally, I think he just looks stressed on behalf of his brother, but others are thinking he’s hating his life and jealous of his bro. Whatever you want to believe.

Super Bowl Babies

Just, no. I don’t like this. Is it even a thing? Or did the NFL just make it up? But they got people to talk about it, so mission accomplished.

Live Your Best Life

This guy doesn’t know who Coldplay is, doesn’t know who Mark Ronson is, doesn’t know who Bruno Mars is. Vaguely familiar with Beyonce because she’s been on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Beyonce and Friends

how could you not like Beyoncé and Bruno Mars, they brought their Uber driver onstage pic.twitter.com/cJdVqliuK5

— actioncookbook (@actioncookbook) February 8, 2016

Here’s one thing I know about the Chris Martin and Coldplay – they must be REALLY REALLY nice, kind-hearted people to invite Beyonce on stage to make an appearance at their headlining half-time show at the Super Bowl, because the moment she walks on stage, it’s the Beyonce and Friends show.

Bow Down Bitches

Beyonce. Shuttin’ it down. Getting the fuck back up again. All day. Every day. Watching on loop.

Confused Cookie

Oh Taraji. She was just living her life, enjoying the Super Bowl as one does, and accidentally thought Coldplay was Maroon 5. It’s fine. She realized her mistake and deleted the tweet. We all make mistakes. all white people look alike anyways.

Gotta Get That Free Pizza Tho

Peyton Manning and Papa John shared a smooch on the field after #SB50 https://t.co/da9371tDT7 pic.twitter.com/KDkQ0J7mQ6

— NESN (@NESN) February 8, 2016

I don’t know enough about this friendship, but why is Papa John of Papa John’s one of the only people Peyton reaches out to hug right after winning the Super Bowl? I’m as confused as Taraji.

5Feb2016

Mama From ‘All-Of-A-Kind Family’ Was Some Kind Of Genius: C+S Book Club

Posted in Entertainment by Molly

Sweep out the sukkah and check the china shepherdess for buttons, because it’s time for another edition of C+S Book Club! Rather than lamenting that Amy March is a total bitch, or revealing that Marilla Cuthbert was, in fact, a creepy church hag, today we’re going to talk about someone who is better than you and I could ever dream of being: Mama from Sydney Taylor’s All-Of-A-Kind Family. Mama was so clever and calculating that I almost wanted to call her an evil genius, but she was also the kindest, most chill mother in RL-4 chapter book history.

Look. I don’t have children. But I did read that one book about how our children would be classier if we raised them like French children, and I’ve seen some episodes of SuperNanny, which is a show about how our children would be classier if we raised them like British children from 1905. Plus I’ve read those articles that Facebook friends post about why children shouldn’t have technology and fast food, as well as those other articles that Facebook friends post about why children should have technology and fast food. And let me tell you: not a ONE of those so-called experts had anything on Mama. Case in point: her dusting scheme.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then chances are you didn’t read All-Of-A-Kind Family. If you did read it, the dusting ploy is seared in your memory along with chocolate babies and that time Henny got lost in Coney Island. (FREAKING HENNY, am I right?) The chapter was titled Dusting Is Fun, because it was 1951 and Sydney Taylor didn’t really have to try (honestly, what was her competition in children’s entertainment? The show Lassie. That’s it.). By the end of that chapter you, a grubby-faced 90s kid wearing a t-shirt decorated with puff paint, wished you were an old-fashioned child in the Lower East Side dusting for free. And for fun. That is how powerful Mama’s dusting plot was.

Ready for the scheme IN ITS ENTIRITY? Hold on to your pinafore. Mama hid buttons around the front parlor. By the way, their house only had like 4 rooms and one of them was a parlor used strictly for fancy decorations and pianos, that’s how high-class Mama was. Okay, so then the dusting girl had to find all of the buttons while she was dusting. Also Mama got straight-up sneaky with it, like those buttons were under table legs and piano keys. You had to DUST. IT. UP. If you found all of the buttons, you had done a good job dusting.

All right, let’s talk about the genius parts of this plan:

The girls never knew how many buttons there were. Say you’ve found 5 buttons. You couldn’t just call it quits at that point, because maybe there were 9 buttons that day. You had to dust every damn thing, and only then could you be sure you had all of the buttons.
Mama kept it fresh. Sometimes she’d bring out the buttons a few times a week, and sometimes she’d wait two weeks because what did she care, she had those little dusting girls under her spell and they would WAIT FOR IT. They’d wait for those buttons.
In case you missed it, the prize was that you had done a good job dusting. Mama raised her kids to want to do a very good job at something because it feels good to know that you’ve done a very good job. Mama quarantined four children with scarlet fever in a spotless 4-room apartment during Passover; she knew that you didn’t get a ticker tape parade every time you did a damn chore.
But Mama was the best ever because one week she hid a penny every day. Judging by how much candy the girls could buy for a penny, it was basically a dollar. Do you know how great it is to find a dollar when you’re cleaning? Ella, Henny, Sarah, Charlotte and Gertie sure do.

Mama wasn’t all dusting and parlors, though. She also was really good looking. The girls introduced her to the Library Lady and they were so proud because even though she had, at the time, 5 children, she didn’t look like the other women in the neighborhood: “like mattresses tied about the middle.” Which admittedly sounds harsh, but you know exactly what they mean. I’m sure they’d all love Mama just as much if she were a lumpy mattress-lady, but the point is Mama had a whole bunch of kids and her figure and outfits were still on point.

While Mama enforced rules, she was lenient when it mattered. When Sarah made that big fuss about not eating her rice soup that one day, Mama stuck to her guns, but once Sarah had a few bites of the gross congealed soup she let her move onto something more appetizing. (I loved re-reading that chapter, because it so reminded me of when you’d get stubborn about something or throw a fit as a kid, and you wouldn’t even know why you were doing it, but you couldn’t will yourself to stop.) And when Gertie and Charlotte used their pennies to buy candy and crackers and ate them in bed, Mama played it like she had no clue, just because it makes kids feel smart and important having a secret.

The All-Of-A-Kind Family was medium-poor. They were second generation-ish Jewish immigrants on the Lower East Side in 1912 long before their neighborhood became some sort of real estate holding for foreign billionaires. However, Papa had a scrap shop and they lived on one floor of a house instead of in a crowded tenement, so they were doing pretty okay. Mama was really good at being medium-poor. She was frugal where it counted, but she still allowed for splurges like a trip to Coney Island, or a treat when they went to the market.

If I can have one quibble about Mama, it’s that she finally had a boy and she named it Charlie. Look. One of my favorite real-life little boys is named Charley. It’s a great name. PLUS Adult Charlie from the book is such a cool grownup. You spend the whole time hoping that he and the Library Lady will meet and hit it off and … well. You know the rest. (Also: another post about the Library Lady, maybe?). So it’s great that Mama names a kid after him. It’s just … Mama. Did you forget you already have a Charlotte? She’s going to have so much Middle Child Syndrome. On the whole Mama picked good names – Library Lady even said! – so I can’t be too annoyed. And at least she didn’t name him after Uncle Hyman.

Library Lady = the Miss Honey of this series.

If I have kids, I’m going to skip the parenting guide telling me to make my children be more French. I’ll bypass the naughty step. I’ll steer clear of the Facebook click-bait. As far as I’m concerned, the best parenting guide there is this one weird old chapter book with no real plot. If I am even 1/10th of the benevolent evil genius Mama is, I think my kids would turn out just fine.

4Feb2016

Wiki-Wiki-Whattt? : OJ Simpson Key Player Facts I Learned Online

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by Traci

Show of hands for everyone who watched The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story on Tuesday night?? Great. Most of you. You’re not alone. 5.1 million viewers also watched the premiere of the latest true crime addiction, and guys, it’s worth it. People from their late 20s up probably remember the OJ Simpson case clearly, since it was covered by the media in excess from 1994 to 1995. As for me, I don’t necessarily remember being glued to the trial since I was nine years old, but I do remember my 4th grade social studies teacher Ms. Reinhardt bringing in one of those TVs on a large rolling cart on October 3rd, 1995, the day the verdict came out. I remember her saying something akin to, “This is an important moment in U.S. history, we’re going to watch this.” And we did. And she was right. 20 years later, America is still compelled to the story, and it’s just as intriguing as ever.

But seeing as how we were kids when this first came into the public eye, I didn’t exactly understand or know all the facts. I also didn’t care enough to do more research on the people with Encarta. But now that the Internet exists, specifically Wikipedia, finding facts about this case and the folks in it is as easy as pie. While I was watching Tuesday’s episode, I was switching between Wiki and IMDb needing more info. Here are some surprising facts about the key players in the OJ Simpson trial that I found out thanks to my extensive Internet research. What a time to be alive.

Robert Shapiro

Role in Case: OJ Simpson’s defense lawyer

Played by: John Travolta

Wiki-Wiki-What?: Is the co-founder of ShoeDazzle.com, an online fashion subscription service that you probably know from annoying pop-ups on your Internet journey. He is also the voice of, and pictured in, the TV commercials for LegalZoom, the online legal technology company he co-founded in 2001.

Johnnie Cochran

Role in Case: OJ Simpson’s defense lawyer

Played by: Courtney B. Vance

Wiki-Wiki-What?: A month after his victory with OJ, Johnnie scored another big legal win with another high-profile client – Tupac Shakur. In early 1995, Tupac had been sentenced to 1 1/2 to 4 1/2 years at New York’s Riker’s Island prison stemming from a 1993 sexual assault case. Thanks to Johnnie’s help, Tupac was released after Death Row Records execs put up some of the $1.4 million bail. Tupac would be killed a year later.

Robert Kardashian

Role in Case: OJ Simpson’s defense lawyer/ BFF

Played by: David Schwimmer

Wiki-Wiki-What?: He definitely doesn’t have any famous family members LOLOL Ok but frreal,in 1973, Robert co-founded a trade publication called Radio & Records that provided news and airplay information for the radio and music industries. It was used as a ref for a number of countdown shows throughout the years, including Casey Kasem’s American Top 40, Solid Gold, and Rick Dees Weekly Top 40. It was relaunched as a sister trade to Billboard and had its final issue in 2009.

F. Lee Bailey

Role in Case: OJ Simpson’s defense lawyer

Played by: Nathan Lane

Wiki-Wiki-What?: He served as the defense lawyer for Patty Hearst in 1976, when the 19-year-old newspaper heiress was on trial for committing armed bank robberies under the control of the Symbionese Liberation Army (cray revolutionary/terrorist group). They kidnapped her, sexually assaulted and brainwashed her, hence the robberies. Bailey failed to win the case, and Patty was sentenced to seven years in prison. Almost two years later, President Carter commuted her sentence and in 2001 she was pardoned by Bill Clinton.

Nicole Brown Simpson

Role in Case: Victim

Played by: Kelly Dowdle

Wiki-Wiki-What?: Nicole first met OJ when she was 18 and working as a waitress at upscale Beverly Hills/Rodeo Drive nightclub Daisy. He was still married to his first wife Marguerite when they started dating and he subsequently divorce Marguerite two years after meeting Nicole.

Ron Goldman

Role in Case: Victim

Played by: Jake Koeppl

Wiki-Wiki-What?: He occassionally worked as a nightclub promoter throughout Los Angeles, and also worked as a waiter and had aspirations to be an actor. In 1992, he appeared as a contestant on the short-lived game show Studs (this clip is fabulously 90s), which was basically a dating show with hot guys (Jon Hamm and Chris Hardwick were also contestants on said show).

Marcia Clark

Role in Case: Lead prosecutor

Played by: (The amazing) Sarah Paulson

Wiki-Wiki-What?: Marcia played District Attorney Sidney Barnes in a 2013 episode of Pretty Little Liars called Now You See Me, Now You Don’t. She gives the good news to Hanna’s mom that the murder charge against her (for killing Detective Wilden) were dropped after the real killer was identified. I watch PLL and I don’t remember this. Apparently Marcia’s a big PLL fan.

Christopher Darden

Role in Case: Deputy DA, Marcia Clark’s co-counsel

Played by: Sterling K. Brown

Wiki-Wiki-What?: In 1997, Christopher married Marcia Carter, who was the vice president and corporate controller of Rysher Entertainment, a TV and movie production and distribution company. You might be familiar with the company if you stayed through the end title credits of shows like Saved by the Bell, Star Search or Sex and the City.

Judge Lance Ito

Role in Case: Judge in the trial

Played by: Kenneth Choi

Wiki-Wiki-What?: After apparently meeting on the v romantic setting of an Eagle Rock, California murder scene, he married Margaret Ann York, the first woman to attain the rank of Deputy Chief in the LAPD, making her the highest-ranking woman officer in that department when she retired in 2002.

Paula Barbieri

Role in Case: OJ’s girlfriend at the time of the murders

Played by: Angie Patterson

Wiki-Wiki-What?: OJ and Nicole divorced in 1992, and he had been dating the model/actress for a while until the morning of the murders, she allegedly left OK a 30-minute long message on his answering machine to break up with him. She said in the voicemail that she was flying to Las Vegas to be with Michael Bolton – yes that Michael Bolton. They had met on the set of his 1994 music video for the song Completely, and apparently fell in love? Well doesn’t matter because she stuck by OJ’s side for a while until she couldn’t take the pressure of the murder trial anymore.

Kato Kaelin

Role in Case: Witness/friend of OJ and Nicole/lived in OJ’s guest house at the time of the murders

Played by: Billy Magnussen

Wiki-Wiki-What?: Following the trial, he made a number of appearances, including the very first episode of MADtv, and Mr. Show with Bob and David. He was also randomly BFFs with SNL alum Norm Macdonald.

3Feb2016

Kylie, Jane, Riley, Shane: Let’s Discuss Olsen Twin Character Names

Posted in Entertainment by Molly

Few people will experience admiration, envy, and inferiority like those of us who were born the same year as Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. When our parents were applauding us for holding our heads up unsupported, the Olsen twins were starring as Michelle Tanner on Full House. When we were writing our first names in shaky printing, they released an album of children’s songs complete with a tv special. They produced video series before we were allowed to babysit, and had a clothing line before we could drive.

All that and their characters always had dope-as-hell names, too.

The Olsen twins had the best of everything in the 90s and early 2000s – the FLYEST of sunflower hats, the cutest bowl-cutted nonthreatening boyfriends, the most spacious well-decorated tween bedrooms – but their character names took the cake. Often several years ahead of the popular names ACTUALLY given to girls born in 1986, they were cutting edge (at the time), super cute (again, at the time), and exactly what you wished you were named as a 5th grader.

To Grandmother’s House We Go

The year: 1992

The names: Sarah and Julie

Before the Olsen twins were the girls everyone wanted to be – or before the twins got to influence character names themselves – their characters actually had some of the most common names for girls our age. Trust me, there were about 6 Sarahs in our graduating class. A lot of kids’ movies give the characters names that either are popular with way younger kids (a high schooler of today named Harper, e.g.) or that were popular when the writers were kids (a high schooler of today named Stacey). This early O.T. movie hit the nail on the 1986 head.

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

The Year: 1993

The names: Kelly and Lynn

Still a real mixed bag. Kelly wasn’t a NEW popular name in 1993. It was ranked 29 when the Olsens were born (’86), had fallen to 51 by 1993, and was in the top 100 since 1959. But thanks to Kelly Kapowski, it was still right in the cool-girl zeitgeist in the early 90s. Lynn, on the other hand – perfectly nice name, but it was actually ranked in the 400s in 1986 and 779 (!) in 1993. You’ll see some major changes when the O.T.s hit their tween years, so hang on to your hats.

How The West Was Fun

The Year: 1994

The names: Jessica and Suzy

Ah, Jessica. Ranked either number 1 or 2 from 1981 to 1997. If you run into a woman from her early 20s to early 30s, and you can’t remember her name, try Jessica. It’s a good bet. (And a fine name! No shade to Jessica).

Then there’s Suzy. Probably a nickname for Susan, Suzanne, or Susannah, it was way more popular in the boomer era than among millennials. Safe to say we’re still looking at a case of writers using a name that was popular when THEY were children. (Definitely no shade to Suzy either! Susan and Susannah are two of my favorite girl names.) But keep those hands on those hats (usually a denim hat with a big fake flower on it, if I’m remembering my Olsen movies). A storm’s a-brewin’.

It Takes Two

The Year: 1995

The names: Amanda and Alyssa

Now we’re getting somewhere. This was the Olsens’ first big theatrical release, and to my nine-year-old ears these were some of the best names around. You have to remember, the long, flowy, ends-with-an-A names on the modern top 100 list were but a twinkle in future baby namers’ eyes back then. Amanda and Alyssa were like the Isabella, Sophia, or Olivia of the time. Sure, they might feel too common to me as an adult, but if I were a kid I’d think they were beautiful.

Billboard Dad

The Year: 1998

The names: Tess and Emily

Friends. This, I argue, is when everything changed. First of all, this was the first direct-to-video movie of the tween Olsen era, with love interests and Limited Too-looking clothing and freaking butterfly clips. If you can find it, watch it. It’s like waking from a dream to find yourself in 1998, that’s how 1998 it is.

But you know what isn’t terribly 1998? The name Tess. It was ranked 572 that year, and 855 the year the Olsens were born. It hasn’t gotten any more popular since then, but add an -a and you have Tessa, a name that has absolutely flown up the charts. We’re looking at the beginning of cool, tween Olsens who had cool, tween names. Emily was the requisite familiar, standard name in the duo: number 1 in 1998, 24 in 1986.

Passport To Paris

The Year: 1999

The names: Melanie and Allyson

Melanie was most popular in the 1970s but has mostly hovered around number 100 or so. (An aside, if you’re naming a kid: my name, Molly, is also usually right around number 100 and never got much more popular than that. It’s a great popularity level because everyone knows it, but you don’t actually meet that many people who share your name.)

Allyson, though, was part of that really cool (again AT THE TIME) 90s trend of using a Y instead of an I in names. Sure, it’s played-out now, but do you remember when people first discovered you could do that? For a few years there it felt like every girl was named Madyson or Megyn or Lyndsey. So there are three other Alisons, of various spellings, in her class? She’s the only ALLYSON-WITH-A-Y, and for a brief, shining moment in 1999, that was enough.

Switching Goals

The Year: 1999

The names: Sam and Emma

YES. There was this thing in the 90s where if a girl character was sort of sporty and tomboyish, but still cute and cool, her name was Sam. Sometimes her name might be Dani or Alex, but usually Sam. It’s as though even when she was in the womb her parents were like “welp, got ourselves a chill tomboy on our hands. Best give her a feminine name with a masculine nickname,” and Samantha was born. (Another no-shade disclaimer: I have a cousin Samantha-nicknamed-Sam, and I’ve always liked her name.)

Emma has been so entrenched in the top 10 list for so long that it’s easy to forget when it was the vintage-y interloper. It sneaked up the list through the 80s and 90s, a fresh alternative to the more common Emily, before landing in the top ten and eventually overtaking Emily.

Our Lips Are Sealed

The Year: 2000

The Names: Maddie and Abby

We are now entering peak ‘baby names on teenagers’ -era Olsens. Were there Maddies and Abbys born in 86? Hell yes. I know a Madeline my age and I have a cousin named Abbey. But Abigail rose from the mid-100s in 1986 to the top 10 in 2001. When this movie came out it was sounding super-fresh, moreso than typical 86-er names like, ahem, Sarah and Julie (no offense, To Grandmother’s House We Go). The Mad- names, like Madeline, Madelyn and Madison, collectively skyrocketed throughout the 90s. If you were a 13-year-old girl in 2000, Maddie sounded SO MUCH COOLER than your name, which was probably Kimberly or Nicole.

Winning London

The Year: 2001

The Names: Chloe and Riley

Chloe and Riley would have made excellent names for characters born around 2001 – you know, like Riley from Girl Meets World. But Riley’s rank in 1986, when this character was ostensibly born, was 1342. 1342 is “what was your mother smoking while pregnant”-level weird – and I LIKE uncommon names. Chloe fared a bit better, but at 461, it was still “quirky on purpose” if you were born in the 80s. I submit that this is the point where, if they weren’t before, the Olsen Twins began picking their characters’ names. How do I know? Because if you asked me to name a baby in 2001, when I was 14, I probably would have said something like Chloe or Riley.

So Little Time

The Year: 2001

The Names: Riley and Chloe

What can I say. The names so nice, they used them twice.

Holiday In The Sun

The Year: 2001

The Names: Madison and Alex

We already discussed Maddie, but let’s get into Madison. In 1983, Madison wasn’t even on the charts, meaning it was given to fewer than five girls in the entire country. In 1984, a few dozen babies had it. A few hundred in 1985. By 2001, it was ranked number 2. Just chalk it up to the timeless allure of Daryl Hannah, who played a mermaid named Madison in the 1984 film Splash. Madison was a joke. She said it was her name while looking at the street sign for Madison Avenue. Yet Daryl never really took off for girls – go figure.

The Alex- names (Alexandra, Alexandria, Alexis, Alexa) also soared throughout the 90s and reached their peak in the early 2000s. Like Sam, it was a popular character name for sassy tomboys during this time.

Getting There

The Year: 2002

The Names: Kylie and Taylor

90s and 2000s trend: unisex/male names and surnames for girls. It’s still going strong, but it seemed a lot more novel in 2002. Back then, before we knew what a Kardashian was, Kylie felt like a modern, original alternative to Kayla and Kaylee. And before we knew what a Swift was, Taylor felt streamlined and cute, fitting on a studious girl or a bubbly athlete. What’s even more interesting than the rise of these names in the 90s is that both have fallen quite a bit lately. I bet if this movie were made in 2016, the cool tweens with unisex/surname names would be called Ainsley and Harper, or Hadley and Peyton.

When In Rome

The Year: 2002

The Names: Charli and Leila

I’ve been diplomatic about the names that aren’t my personal style so far, but Charli on a girl sets my teeth on edge, and not just because I have a nephew named Charley (my nieces and nephews all have names that sound like they’re from British children’s books from the 1910s, for which I’m very grateful to my siblings.) Charli is a fine as a nickname for Charlotte, but I can’t get behind it as a full name. But since the twins had already used Sam and Alex, what were they supposed to do? It had to be Charli. There was nowhere else to go.

Leila falls into one of the other big trends of the 2000s – the short, double L girl names. Leila, Layla, Lila, Lily, Lyla, Lola – no single one is huge, but as a group they are taking over. The dominant sound of the 80s, when the characters would have been born, is more of the three-syllable, ends in ee variety: Tiffany, Brittany, Stephanie, Kimberly, Mallory, Bethany, and so forth.

The Challenge

The Year: 2003

The Names: Shane and Lizzie

I’m not familiar with this one, but WHO COULD THE REBELLIOUS TOMBOY BE? (My money is on Shane. Especially because she was played by Mary-Kate. Always the rogue, that M.K.) Other than the boy name on a girl thing, it was actually pretty off-trend in 2003. Not only was Shane never popular for girls, the Sh…n… girl names were bigger in the 70s and 80s. Shana, Shayna, Shawna, Sheena, Shannon. I guess M.K. was really ~expressing herself here.

I assume Lizzie was the clean-cut, straight laced kid who was president of the homework club or whatever. Interesting only because the Olsens’ sister, arguably the most relevant Olsen in 2016, is named Elizabeth/Lizzie.

New York Minute

The Year: 2004

The Names: Roxanne (Roxy) and Jane

Do you remember how big this movie was supposed to be? The Olsens missed prom to host SNL during promotion! The posters were up forever – I should know, because I was a high school senior doing time at a movie theater concession stand. It didn’t take off like it was supposed to, but Mary-Kate and Ashley really came into their own, name-wise, with this one. The sister who wears concert tees and likes black: Roxy. Of course. It felt especially hip at the time because Roxy, the surfwear brand, was huge in middle America. Jane was just the kind of vintage name that was cool because nobody was using it – sort of like Hazel, if Hazel hadn’t gotten so popular. I hope it stays that way, because Jane is totally on my short list if I ever have a kid. What can I say, those Olsen twins really know how to name them.

2Feb2016

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Stars Hollow

Posted in Entertainment by Traci

Guys, we did it. WE ALL DID IT. The Gilmore Girls revival, tentatively titled Gilmore Girls: Seasons, is confirmed, official, and currently in production – starting TODAY. Let’s go back a bit to October, when Patron Saint of GG news, Michael Ausiello, broke the news that a revival was in the works (check out our original thoughts on it in our town meeting here). Months passed by with no one (Netflix, Amy Sherman-Palladino, cast members, etc.) confirming any of it. Not a damn thing. As silent as Mr. Kim.

Late December, pictures started popping up from the WB lot of the reconstruction of Luke’s, prop pieces that said pick up for 1/11/16, and the real kicker – a Backstage.com listing for production. In between, cast members hinted that there was truth to the reports (Keiko, Milo *not YET*). In my mind, I knew it was happening, but I just needed confirmation. I needed this:

I CAN NOW CONFIRM: it's time for me, and this jacket I stole in 2007, to return to work.@netflix #GilmoreGirls pic.twitter.com/tBb07J9oO1

— Lauren Graham (@thelaurengraham) January 29, 2016

WE ALL NEEDED THIS. The tears came flooding back on Friday with LG’s tweet + subsequent posts from our boy Scott, Yanic (Michel), Keiko (Lane), and Sean (Kirk), Rose (Gypsy), Tanc (Finn) and Liza/Paris (via Kelly Bishop accidentally saying she’s in it), who’ve all confirmed they’re coming back. Oh and composer Sam Phillips, the creator of the La Las that you’re familiar with, is also coming back. Thank God (sidenote: I’m creepily taking notes of all the revival updates like a crazy person. Let me know if you want in on the insane person’s newsletter). Then, Ausiello, being the godsent that he is, managed to score the first interview with LG after their first table read (*SCREAMS INTERNALLY & EXTERNALLY), and it is one of the best things I’ve ever read in my life, article or not. Seriously, read it.

When I walked onto the set for the first time. We had to do a camera test and… the house. [She gets choked up] It’s on a different stage but it’s… the house. Alexis [Bledel] and I walked onto the set together and — I feel super emotional about a lot of it and I’m afraid I’m going to start crying at every turn — but walking onto that set really felt like something. It felt like a lot of time had passed and it felt like we were just there. It felt amazing.

*Cue waterworks* I’m basically just going to cry with every tweet, article, and picture posted re: GG Revival moving forward (BTW, read these interviews from Ausiello with Kelly and ASP for more tears, and Scott sans Ausiello talking about becoming Mr. Backwards Baseball Cap again). You know what else made me cry? Going onto the GG set at Warner Bros. WITH the GG sets up (or at least in the process of being put back up).

After I found out production was starting on February 2nd, I knew I had to go on the WB tour to see the sets before then, figuring my chances would be slimmer of seeing the GG sets if I went when they were in production. In full disclosure, I had been on the tour thrice before, and it wasn’t even until the third time that I got to see Stars Hollow/any GG sets. If they’re filming on a certain part of the lot, the tours aren’t allow to go anywhere near it, which is why it took three times before I saw the town square. Me and my two GG-loving friends went on about two Saturdays ago hoping we’d see more GG goodness IRL. Luckily, Grease: Live! hadn’t completely taken over yet – although we did get to see parts of it:

under that black tent is the front of Rydell High. The building to the right of it is the front of Stars Hollow High and currently Rosewood High from Pretty Little Liars.

And, I didn’t know this at the time, but Lorelai and Rory’s house was getting prepped to become Sandy’s house in Grease (where she sings Hopelessly Devoted to You). See: green and white bench on porch.

BUT ALSO, THIS WAS MY FIRST TIME AT THE GILMORE HOUSE. We forced our tour guide to drive us to their house, because in full disclosure, he wasn’t planning on showing it to us and told us another house around the corner was the Gilmore house (it wasn’t. we’re not new. we know things). Anyways, he let us out of the tram (no one else cared about it but us) to take pix, and we proceeded to freak out.

Obviously they were dressing the house for Grease, so I’m sure they’re already halfway done with making it back into the Gilmore house, if not completely done by now.

Another angle of the house, because why not

Here is the Gilmore garage, home of the Hug-A-World, Hep Alien rehearsals, and naked Kirk in Luke’s dad’s boat.

Fun fact: on the front side of the Gilmore house is Sookie and Jackson’s house. I just realized that if Melissa McCarthy doesn’t end up doing the revival (and per ASP, there’s a pretty good chance she won’t?), that probably means Jackson won’t be in it either (?), which would be a bummer. Unless they have him in it and just never show Sookie? ASP says in that article they explain her absence, so maybe she’s off at a cooking school or something, and Jackson is in Stars Hollow taking care of all their kids? Although that would be shitty of her too. Ugh. Either way, I’m hoping Melissa can do at least one of the “episodes”.

Moving right along, next door to Sookie and Jackson’s is Kim’s Antiques. 58 seats and 62 Koreans. Also, it’s Emily’s house in PLL and also the former Gellar house in Friends, particularly in TOW The Prom Video, where we see a young, curly-haired Ross devastated after finding out he wouldn’t be saving the day and taking Rachel to prom.

Just before getting to Stars Hollow (think of it as going to Hartford), there’s an area that’s lined with suburban-like houses, including this one, which was Christopher’s house as seen in S5 E11, Women of Questionable Morals. Rory and Lorelai separately show up to his house to console him about his father’s passing, Rory brings milk & cookies, Lor brings adult milk & cookies, fucks it up later by not telling Luke about it. Drama ensues. This is also Hanna’s house on PLL.

Ok now we venture back into Stars Hollow! Here we see the famous church (sometimes temple) home to a funeral, a couple weddings, a baptism, a break-in by Luke & Lorelai, and the town loner yelling akin to, “Stop the noodle scooz” in rebellion of… something.

imagine the gazebo sits right in the middle. also imagine the final scene in grease: live because that’s exactly where they danced in the middle of the carnival.

And here’s where it starts to resemble OG Stars Hollow, also this is when tears started to appear in my eyes, because, emotion.

Doose’s, the book store, a random car

There was nothing inside Doose’s, but it was clearly under construction. I’m sure Taylor is keeping an eye on it.

This street leads to nowhere. However that blue building does still house Sophie’s (Carole King’s) music shop!

Alright folks here’s when the revival excitement really kicked in. As previously mentioned, I had seen pictures of Luke’s diner being rebuilt but to see it with my own eyes was a whole different ball game.

I didn’t realize until later that the Jeep in the corner is eerily a lot like Lorelai’s Jeep, but it’s not. BUT LET’S PRETEND.

You can’t really tell from this picture, but inside the shelving is all back – the wall by the kitchen filled with mugs is back up and the window into Taylor’s ice cream shoppe was there, and a sure sign of Luke’s – those weird half-curtains in the window.

True story: my friend told me and my friend Jennie to pose for a pic as we slowly drove by Luke’s for the first time, but I was impatient and wanted to get pix on my own camera. Hence I am mid-hairflip in excitement and Jennie fell asleep. BUT LOOK INSIDE!!

Taylor’s place is shaping up nicely

Miss Patty’s got a fresh coat of paint. They actually filmed all the town meetings inside this.. building (?) and not on a separate sound stage, so it was particularly annoying in the LA heat when they were all holed up in there for hours with hot lights and a room full of actors.

We did manage to convince our tour guide to take us by the gazebo, which was again, not in the middle of the square yet because of the Rydell High carnival. Please note: Gazebo Parking Only.

ok, i’m not sure if this information is correct, but i’m pretty sure we saw Gilmore Girls parking signs right outside Stage 19, and possibly other sets being built inside. Cannot confirm this, but let’s just say this is where they’re shooting the revival. EDIT: a second source also confirmed stage 19 was where they were rebuilding the Dragonfly horse stables! And i def remember seeing that!

Last night, I took a route home that passes right by the WB lot, knowing full well I wouldn’t be able to see anything with a nighttime drive-by. But I was thinking how it must feel like Christmas Eve to so many of the returning cast and crew, to go back to something that meant so dear to them but never fully had a chance to find some closure. It also got me thinking of the personal path it took me from first starting my obsession with GG over 10 years ago to now, living minutes away from where Stars Hollow is, and all of it is just so overwhelming. To some people this revival is just another reboot of people sick for nostalgia, but for fans, it is that but so much more. It’s personal, it’s emotional, it’s a cozy blanket that makes you feel safe and comfortable. So today, and for the rest of this year leading up to its release, I have no shame in following every step on this GG revival journey. Where you lead, I will follow.

1Feb2016

Comments, Questions, Concerns: Grease Live

Posted in Entertainment by Molly

I guess we, as an American people, have decided that we can’t get enough of lived televised musicals – and I love this development. Something about the live format, the beloved, classic musicals, and the slightly cheesy sets and costumes makes me feel like I’m living in the 1960s, when the whole family would gather around the television set to watch the big Sunday night movie. It feels like I should be eating that kind of popcorn you make in an aluminum pan over the stove, or a quaint dessert like popovers.

Grease Live did not disappoint. Sure, parts of it were a bit questionable, but on the whole it was what light family-friendly television is at its best: just a whole lot of fun. Here are the comments, questions and concerns that came into my head during the very enjoyable broadcast.

Comment: There’s so much stunt casting I’m watching this with the IMDB page open.

Some favorites: Eve Plumb (Jan Brady) as Mrs. Murdock, Didi Con (the original Frenchy) as Vi, Wendell Pierce (The Wire) as Coach Calhoun – not to mention the more heavily touted roles played by Vanessa Hudgens (!!), Aaron Tveit (heart-eyes-emoji), Julianne Hough, Keke Palmer and Ana Gasteyer. And Boyz II Men, who I think are probably all just men now.

Question: Did the fourth wall break?

The musical starts (and ends) with the actors prancing throughout the Warner Brothers backlot – AKA Stars Hollow, among other locations. There are a whole lot of wink-wink references to this being a live musical on television in 2016. It wasn’t bad – it was perfectly fine – but it also wasn’t a necessary addition.

Concern: The live audience yelling when someone enters like the Titanic is sinking and they missed the lifeboat.

When we were watching The Wiz we noted that the one thing the production was missing was a live studio audience. We got one here, but sometimes it was a bit awkward. Namely, they screamed with joy when the stars entered but weren’t actually present for all of the numbers, where you want to hear an audience applauding and reacting. However, as time went on they were present for more and more scenes. The way they were worked in – visible, sitting in bleachers, watching the action – was a tad awkward, but it was the first go at having an audience at one of these and, as they say in self-help books, we’re aiming for progress not perfection.

Comment: Sandy is from Utah. Julianne Hough is Mormon. Sandy is Mormon.

Mormon Mommy Blogger Chic.

We both watched this with the head-cannon that it was secretly a Modern Mormon Musical. Sandy was a stylish yet modest dresser (like some of our favorite Mormon mommy bloggers) and she was really wholesome, yet friendly to everyone even if they were into stuff she’d never do. However, good luck getting that temple recommend after wearing that Hussy outfit and drinking all that caffeine at the soda fountain.

Concern: Maybe they could have changed the gross lyrics in Summer Nights.

Despite making a few family-friendly lyrical revisions, they kept the line asking if Sandy “put up a fight.”

Question: Are we pretending that Patty is really ugly because of the glasses?

Patty Simcox (Elle McLemore) is clearly gorgeous, but I guess we’re doing that thing where she has bad glasses and a dowdy skirt so nobody can tell. She quickly becomes one of my favorites. Actually, I always liked Patty: she was earnest and a bit of a joiner, but so am I.

Question: Where is my Patty and Eugene spinoff?

If this were a Disney Channel Original Musical there would have been one.

Comment: Jan, in the OG Grease movie and in Grease Live, looks like a cross between a 1950s girl and early 90s Kathleen Hanna.

Question: What are these accents?

Some of the actors are talking like my friends’ nanas from Long Island. Others are talking like the Kristen Wiig “I don’t wanna sing” character. What state is Rydell High supposed to be in?

Question: Was Kenickie only named Kenickie because it rhymed with hickey?

I’m almost positive.

Comment: Aaron Tveit during Greased Lighting, everybody.

Within seconds there were requests on Twitter for Tveit’s pelvic thrust, but me, I’m more into the wink at the end. Oh, who am I kidding. I’m into all of it. (live-tweeting mnemonic: “I before E, except Aaron Tveit.”)

Comment: I ship Danny and Doody.

They have the best duet of the night and they CLEARLY love each other!

Concern: I ship me and Doody.

I think I went through puberty again during Magic Changes. Jordan Fisher was in the Teen Beach Movie franchise and appears to be over the age of 18.

Comment: Vanessa Hudgens is amazing.

Her father died the night before the broadcast, making this the acting version of when a football player’s parent dies the day of the Superbowl or whatever. Her performance would have been just as impressive sans tragic circumstances, but still – wow. No people like show people, y’all.

There Are Worse Things I Could Do is a song you have to nail in order to keep Rizzo from being a cartoon, and she did it. She’s also by far the youngest Rizzo I’ve ever seen, high school productions aside.

Concern: Carly Rae Jepson’s new song.

If they added the song All I Need Is An Angel for awards show eligibility, I have some news they won’t like. It doesn’t even fit stylistically with the rest of the show.

Question: Can Boyz II Men do one of those talking intros where they call Frenchy ‘girl’?

That’s my only quibble. They were WONDERFUL and I was so happy seeing them!

Concern: AC Slater is hitting on teenaged Marty as though he learned nothing from Jessie Spano.

She’d never allow that behavior.

Comment: Saved By The Bell is really old.

I did some math during the school dance. When Saved By The Bell began, Grease was set 30 years in the past. In 2016, season 1 of SBTB was 27 years ago. Ergo, the late 80s/early 90s look as old to kids today as the NINETEEN FREAKING FIFTIES did when SBTB was on. Which is to say: yikes.

Concern: I feel like people aren’t excited enough about Jan Brady.

Question: Why is the carnival in the gym?? Especially when there is an outside?

The carnival is set up in the gym, which doesn’t seem the most fun.

Concern: I wish there was a way around Slutty! Sandy.

Sandy’s hoochie clothes are really fun, but I wish there was a way to frame it as something other than her changing for Danny – like that her parents made her dress in those cute pastel librarian clothes but she personally hated it, or something.

Comment: NEVER MIND. THEY GO OUTSIDE. IT IS AMAZING.

Everyone gets a curtain call, and they let actors drive those studio tour carts, and it’s just a whole lot of fun!

29Jan2016

Cheers Chats #1: Give Me A Ring Sometime

Posted in Entertainment by Cookies + Sangria

Let’s take it back. It’s 1982, we’re not alive, and maybe you aren’t either. The wacky, Studio 54-era disco-and-drugs ’70s were over, but the serious perm and shoulderpad business of the ’80s hadn’t really started. If you wanted to pitch a tv show about normal-looking people who wear a lot of brown and go to a bar sometimes, you were right in the zeitgeist. That’s the world that gave us Cheers.

Okay, now let’s take it … well, a little bit less back: August 2015. We got together to knock out a quick Pop Culture Blind Spots post. Neither of us had seen Cheers and together we were going to change that. By the end of the pilot, we were absolutely obsessed with this 33-year-old show that everybody else already knew was good. It became clear that we needed to devote more than a single post to Sam (The Luke Danes of 1980s Boston), Diane (Shut Up, Diane), Our Boo, Carla and all the others who we’d prefer you not tell us about because we haven’t seen the whole series yet, thanks. We shelved the post until we had more time to devote to the series.

So here’s what’s up: the last Friday of every month we’ll be posting Cheers Chats, where we discuss the top-ranked episodes of the 1980s smash hit, Cheers. Come join us, because our love for this neighborhood bar and grill is only going to grow. If you love the show too, or are watching along, jump into the comments … because sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.

Episode 1.01: Give Me A Ring Sometime

For starters, here’s our collective Cheers knowledge:

It’s Boston
They’re in a bar.
Sam and Diane are a thing, maybe. Like Ross and Rachel?
Norm is the mailman. No, scratch that – CLIFF. Cliff is the mailman.
Norm is George Wendt – aka Jason Sudeikis’ uncle. He is a barfly. Barfly’s a word right?
It’s just that “barfly” looks like it would be pronounced “Barflee” and would be the name of a mischievous dog on a PBS sitcom from the 90s (which originally aired on CBC).
Frasier is a spin-off of Cheers. (Traci typed this; Molly exclaimed “yes, that’s right!” like a child correctly recited the Alphabet for the first time. I repeat: we did not watch Cheers.)

Chit-Chat Club

(Off-topic Cheers chatter.)

M: Netflix says Cheers is from 1992. Like … is it sure? I feel like this started in the late 80s and that I was super, super little when it was on. I also felt like it was one of those shows that ran for a million seasons.

T: 1992 is 23 YEARS ago. That is a college graduate.

M: WE WERE RIGHT. 1982 – 1993. 1992 is neither of those years. It’s just … a year. We were 6. Home Alone 2 came out. I wore a lot of stirrup pants.

T: Who do we write to about this? Mr. Netflix? I’ve got a strongly worded comment box for you.

T: This is the first time we’ve live-blogged together in the same room. And it’s weird.

M: I feel like we’re about to turn it into the chit-chat club up in here and forget to type.

This Theme Song

We love this tune by super well-known singer/songwriter Gary Portnoy, but in the pilot, they play the theme song for real and it sounds kind of depressing? Maybe it’s the old-timey cartoon illustrations of folks in the 1900s in the opening credits (because they’re like, all dead)? Either way, this song still holds up.

Later on, they do that thing where they play the theme song, but instrumental and sad, before what would have been the commercial break.

Bahhston Tahhlk

Last week, Seth Meyers did this absolutely brilliant sketch about actors and Boston accents and it is so incredibly dead on. In saying that, not everyone in Boston has an accent, and if they do, it’s not always thick. At one point in the pilot, this kid attempting to get a beer at the bar says, “How bout a beeahh (beer), chief?” Stop exaggerating. Like, did he “Park his car in Hahhvahd Yahhd” too?? (NO ONE DOES THIS).

Also, it felt like everyone was talking like they’re from a 1930s movie. At one point, it felt so garbled that we had to rewind three times then turn on closed captioning to figure out what they’re saying ( it was: How long is the wimp convention in town?”). Again, everyone is very muffled, like if you listened to that 1930s movie through one headphone.

The Luke Danes of 1980s Boston

So Ted Danson – kind of a hottie? We never really put too much thought into him before, but NOW we are. You want to know why? Because Molly realized that Sam Malone is such a Luke Danes (Traci promptly shrieked “That’s why!” and dissolved into laughter upon this epiphany. She also started sweating because of this fact). (Note: That was very diplomatic of her, but if Traci was sweating that’s because it was August and 90 degrees and I don’t have an air conditioner. Enjoy the cooling breeze of a BOX FAN, friends! – M)

The Netflix description for the pilot reads: “Sam Malone, an ex-baseball player turned bar owner, operates a saloon that’s always filled with quirky customers and even more eccentric staff.” Hey, you know who ELSE played baseball?

scott was seriously too handsome to be a baseball player. he needed to share his good looks with the rest of the world as an actor.

GUYS I CAN’T UNSEE IT. I CANNOT. Also, does that make Diane Lorelai? Let’s dissect this – Diane’s husband-to-be is a professor at BU who references Proust – MAX MEDINA, MUCH?? And at some point, Sam gives Diane a drink JUST LIKE LUKE GIVING LORELAI COFFEE.

Unrelated to Luke Danes, Sam is a recovering alcoholic who owns a bar. In season 7, are we going to see a dark storyline of Sam battling his demons and has to go to rehab? (Read: Ted Danson filmed Three Men and a Little Lady). Probably. Picturing a Bailey Salinger plotline.

Carla’s My Boo

Rhea Perlman busts into the bar and immediately goes on a rant:

“OK, I’m late! My kid was throwing up all over the place. You don’t buy that excuse, I quit. I don’t work for a man who has no compassion for my children. And you’re not exactly swamped here. I’m usually punctual. If you don’t like it, fine. This ain’t such a great job. I’m gonna change.”

A) Love her already.

B) She’s younger than we remembered.

C) She’s clearly the feminist of the show. Later on, she suggests to Diane that she stop waiting around for her fiance to come and just leave him. This coming from a woman whose husband used her to go to TV repair school then left her and their 4 kids behind once he graduated. All day Carla. All Day. Forever.

LLOL

(We used the LLOL acronym when we’d talk on AIM as teens – it means LITERALLY laughing out loud, as opposed to LOL as the typographic version of a smirk)

We genuinely LOLed throughout this entire episode. Like way more than we typically would during a pilot.

Exhibit A:

Carla, after answering the phone: “Who isn’t here?”

Every male sitting at the bar in the middle of the day: “ME!”

Exhibit B:

Cliff: Women have fewer sweat glands than men, but they’re larger, more active. Consequently, they sweat more… (To Diane) How about you, miss? What are your perspiration patterns?

Exhibit C:

Sam: Still working on that novel?

Coach: Yeah, coming on six years now. I got a feeling I might finish it tonight.

Diane: You’re writing a novel?

Coach: No, reading one.

One-Hit Wonders

(Characters we don’t expect to be seeing again.)

This episode features Diane and her version of Rachel’s dentist husband. We hadn’t bothered to remember his name, which is a sign he might not be returning for the rest of the series.

T: Also, I haven’t even bothered to remember Diane’s fiance’s name. I’m assuming he’s gone by the end of this episode.

M: Same. Barry, for now?

T: Barry it is.

M: Where Everybody Knows Your Name… except Traci and Molly. Who don’t care. He is very old.

T: Barry is going out to talk to his ex-wife, and leaves Diane behind, but why is he leaving her in a bar by herself in Boston? This bar is not the only place to visit in the city.

M: Old North Church is open, like, all the time.

T: EW DIANE’S FIANCE’S NAME IS ‘SUMNER’

Carla (answering phone): Cheers. Just a minute. (To Barry) If you’re not, I apologise, but is your name Sumner Sloane?

Barry/Sumner: Yes, it is.

Carla: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Shut Up, Diane

(We just have a feeling we’re going to be saying Shut Up, Diane at our screens KIND OF A LOT.)

Diane’s got a book out and a bunch of pencils while sitting at the bar. GO TO THE LIBRARY, DIANE. To add more to the Gilmore Girls parallel, Diane could also be one of Paris’s friends, Louise and/or Madeline. Or Lindsay’s crazy mom Theresa. Or the mom who convinced Luke and Lorelai to speak at Stars Hollow High for career day.

Diane and Sumner act rich, even though we’re pretty sure professors don’t make that much money.

Diane uses the bar phone to cancel the flight reservations to Barbados since Sumner hasn’t come back. A) a PHONE. B) She knew the number to the airline by heart? C) She immediately got through to a customer representative? She says she wants to change the flight reservations and Traci screams ‘THEY’RE ON IT!’ As in that dumb Sumner took his ex-wife to Barbados on his wedding day to Diane. Not even mad that we called it.

Diane says “now look, Buster!” because this sitcom was written by a man at a typewriter wearing a trilby with one of those journalist tags in it.

Sam ends up hiring Diane to be a waitress after Barry/Sumner leaves her, but why is she acting like a hostess? I thought bars don’t have hostesses? All Day Carla would NEVER.

Little Ditty About Sam & Diane

T: We’re at the first scene between Sam and Diane and TBH, I ship it already. Why am I so into Ted Danson right now??

Barfly Fashion

Diane. It is your first day on the job. What are you wearing? This plaid peasant shirt. Why is the apron so short? Is this a denim skirt? And with these knee highs?

This elderly lady is living her BEST LIFE. In a wheelchair, wearing a fancy hat, and sipping on a beer. Goals.

We are Team Carla All Day, but can we just discuss this empty purse? She’s a mother of 4, why is it filled with nothing. Also these pants. V 80s.

Cheers Cheers

(Raising a glass to our new favorite old sitcom.)

We literally had to adjust the TV set during Cheers because we thought it was too dark. The TV was fine. The show is dark. That’s also why we weren’t watching it in 1992. Too dark, no appeal to 6-year-olds. But now we’ve seen it, and while we shouldn’t feel surprised that the most beloved sitcom pilot of all time is good, here we both are. Those 22 minutes went by so fast, which is what we were afraid was going to happen. Looks like we’ll both be binging on Cheers for the next several months. Like Sam of two years ago, we think we may have a problem (too soon?).

Next Up: We are basing our watch list off of AV Club’s 10 Episodes That Show How Cheers Stayed Great For 11 Seasons (plus one, because the Pilot didn’t make the cut). We’re going chronologically, so stop by next month when we’ll discuss Episode 1.08, Truce Or Consequences.

28Jan2016

Hamilton Explained: Cabinet Battle #1 (As Kanye Rant Tweets)

Posted in Entertainment by Molly

Welcome back to Hamilton Explained! It’s been a minute. When the Hamilton soundtrack was released all of these historical and musical references were jumping out at me and I wanted to start unpacking some of them here. I wasn’t counting on a whole community of people doing this very thing over at Genius. Instead of duplicating the efforts from Genius (check out their annotations if you haven’t!) here’s Cabinet Battle #1, explained through tweets from Kanye West’s epic January 27, 2016 rant against Wiz Khalifa.

WASHINGTON:
Ladies and gentlemen, you coulda been anywhere in the world tonight,
but you’re here with us in New York City.
Are you ready for a cabinet meeting???

The issue on the table: Secretary Hamilton’s plan to assume state debt
and establish a national bank.
Secretary Jefferson, you have the floor, sir

JEFFERSON:
‘Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.’
We fought for these ideals; we shouldn’t settle for less
These are wise words, enterprising men quote ‘em
Don’t act surprised, you guys, cuz I wrote ‘em

8th I made it so we could wear tight jeans

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

JEFFERSON & MADISON:
Oww

JEFFERSON:
But Hamilton forgets
His plan would have the government assume state’s debts
Now, place your bets as to who that benefits:
The very seat of government where Hamilton sits

HAMILTON:
Not true!

JEFFERSON:
Ooh, if the shoe fits, wear it
If New York’s in debt—
Why should Virginia bear it? Uh! Our debts are paid, I’m afraid

12th You wouldn’t have a child if it wasn’t for me

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

13th You own waves???? I own your child!!!!

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

Don’t tax the South cuz we got it made in the shade

Oh niggas must think I’m not petty cause I’m the best that’s ever made music

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

In Virginia, we plant seeds in the ground
We create. You just wanna move our money around

14th Nigga it’s called creativity #youshouldtryitsomeday

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

This financial plan is an outrageous demand

Second, your first single was corny as fuck and most there after

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

And it’s too many damn pages for any man to understand

3rd no one I know has ever listened to one of your albums all the way through

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

Stand with me in the land of the free
And pray to God we never see Hamilton’s candidacy
Look, when Britain taxed our tea, we got frisky

7th I am your OG and I will be respected as such

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

Imagine what gon’ happen when you try to tax our whisky

6th don’t ever come out the side of your neck at me

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

WASHINGTON:
Thank you, Secretary Jefferson. Secretary Hamilton, your response

HAMILTON:
Thomas. That was a real nice declaration

I went to look at your twitter and you were wearing cool pants

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

I screen grabbed those pants and sent it to my style team #Wizwearscoolpants

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

Welcome to the present, we’re running a real nation
Would you like to join us, or stay mellow
Doin’ whatever the hell it is you do in Monticello?

4th you let a stripper trap you

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

5th I know you mad every time you look at your child that this girl got you for 18 years

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

If we assume the debts, the union gets
A new line of credit, a financial diuretic
How do you not get it? If we’re aggressive and competitive
The union gets a boost. You’d rather give it a sedative?
A civics lesson from a slaver. Hey neighbor

11th I showed you respect as a man when I met you

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

Your debts are paid cuz you don’t pay for labor
“We plant seeds in the South. We create.”
Yeah, keep ranting
We know who’s really doing the planting

Bro first of all you stole your whole shit from Cudi

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

And another thing, Mr. Age of Enlightenment

17th I think you dress cool I wish I was skinny and tall

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

Don’t lecture me about the war, you didn’t fight in it

10th don’t you ever in your fucking life speak sideways about a nigga that’s fighting for us I do this for all of us

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

You think I’m frightened of you, man?
We almost died in a trench

maybe I couldn’t be skinny and tall but I’ll settle for being the greatest artist of all time as a consolation

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

While you were off getting high with the French

15th Nigga I tried to call you and you changed your number

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

Thomas Jefferson, always hesitant with the President
Reticent—there isn’t a plan he doesn’t jettison
Madison, you’re mad as a hatter, son, take your medicine
Damn, you’re in worse shape than the national debt is in
Sittin’ there useless as two shits
Hey, turn around, bend over, I’ll show you
Where my shoe fits

Don’t ever ever ever come out the side of your mutherfucking neck bro or bruh or however you say it Mr. Waves

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

WASHINGTON:
Excuse me? Jefferson, Madison, take a walk! Hamilton,
take a walk! We’ll reconvene after a brief recess. Hamilton!

https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/692435687048679426?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

HAMILTON:
Sir!

WASHINGTON:
A word

MADISON:
You don’t have the votes

JEFFERSON/MADISON:
You don’t have the votes

JEFFERSON:
Aha-ha-ha ha!

https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/692449710452379648?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

JEFFERSON/MADISON:
You’re gonna need congressional approval and you don’t have the votes

JEFFERSON:
Such a blunder sometimes it makes me wonder why I even bring the thunder

https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/692449772117069824?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

MADISON:
Why he even brings the thunder…

WASHINGTON:
You wanna pull yourself together?

Lol @kanyewest Now u wanna delete ur tweets cuz Muva has arrived? #TwitterFingers #UrGettingBodiedByAStripperNigga

— Amber Rose (@DaRealAmberRose) January 27, 2016

HAMILTON:
I’m sorry, these Virginians are birds of a feather

WASHINGTON:
Young man, I’m from Virginia, so watch your mouth

9th me and Cudi created this shit

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

HAMILTON:
So we let Congress get held hostage by the South?

Awww @kanyewest are u mad I'm not around to play in ur asshole anymore? #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch☝

— Amber Rose (@DaRealAmberRose) January 27, 2016

WASHINGTON:
You need the votes

HAMILTON:
No, we need bold strokes. We need this plan

WASHINGTON:
No, you need to convince more folks

HAMILTON:
James Madison won’t talk to me, that’s a nonstarter

https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/692435254431199233?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

WASHINGTON:
Winning was easy, young man. Governing’s harder

HAMILTON:
They’re being intransigent

WASHINGTON:
You have to find a compromise

https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/692446531404877827?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

HAMILTON:
But they don’t have a plan, they just hate mine!

You have distracted from my creative process

— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) January 27, 2016

WASHINGTON:
Convince them otherwise

HAMILTON:
What happens if I don’t get congressional approval?

WASHINGTON:
I imagine they’ll call for your removal

HAMILTON:
Sir—

WASHINGTON:
Figure it out, Alexander. That’s an order from your commander

Hit this kk and become yourself.

— Taylor Gang World Leader (@wizkhalifa) January 27, 2016

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Next Up: We are basing our watch list off of AV Club’s 10 Episodes That Show How Cheers Stayed Great For 11 Seasons (plus one, because the Pilot didn’t make the cut). We’re going chronologically, so stop by next month when we’ll discuss Episode 1.08, Truce Or Consequences.

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